The Desires of a Womans Heart

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Dear readers, a few words to the ladies

Women should not be passive but be an active participant when seeking a partner. I am not a relationship expert, psychologist nor do I have answers to fixing relationship problems. dragthepen is an open platform to discuss issues that impact our relationships. With that said, ladies when choosing a partner and noticed I didn’t say husband. Here are a few tips to keep in mind. First, you don’t have to settle. Settling is for women who have given up on who she deserves and takes the cluncker behind door number two and live a life of regret.

Deep in a women heart she desires:

A partner who understands the value of working together for a successful partnership.

A partner who sees her as she is and not who he wants her to be (this is what happens when you settle).

A partner who believes in her goals and vision and is willing to be supportive, proud and patient.

A partner who doesn’t burden her with his emotional baggage and want her to be a therapist.

A partner who doesn’t treat her like his personal maid, cook, and a sexual object.

A partner who understands a womans need for alone time.

A partner who doesn’t asked to go 50/50 on the bills ( ladies that’s called a roommate and a free lay).

Women desire to have a partners they can confident in and not have past experiences or mistakes thrown in her face. Women are tired of litte boys and want men who are emotional mature, stable and is open and ready for a monogamous relationship. Women want a partner who is willing to tell the truth even if it’s going to hurt. A man who knows how to hold her hand when the tears are flowing and embrace her when the world comes crashing down.

Ladies seek a partner who understands that compassion, truth, loyalty, communication, cooperation, support, understanding, patience, and team work will win your heart.

Ladies leave those players, pretender, representatives and visitors alone.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen.

Sister’s Can You Relate?

I want to start dating again, but as a woman I don’t know if this is politically correct. Why, because women are told that they are supposed to wait for their husband, and that women are not to chase men rather they are to pursue us. However, the ultimate question is what does dating mean? In my case I went from a naive 17 year old virgin to a clueless teenager mother, and all of my experiences with dating were horrible. I thought that dating meant getting married and riding off into the sunset happily ever after. Looking back I now understand that I didn’t have to respond to every man that whistled at me, and that some men inttention weren’t honorable.

Anyway, I’ve spend years going through the healing process from a abused childhood, survivor of domestic volience, and other dysfunctional intimate situationships. The darkness and chaos in my life lead me to seek help to understand why my life was out of order. It’s been a long and painful process of self reflection, therapy, diving into self help books, yoga, self care retreats, choosing to remain single, no dating and practicing celibacy.
Despite all the new knowledge I have aquired my journey has been lonely. But I had to do what was needed to understand the behavior, thinking, and addictive patterns that kept me in a cycle of depression, relationship drama, and repeating the same mistakes both professionally and personally. Year after year I purged myself of the demons of my past. I feel good about where I am in life. I have a better vision of my purpose, how and what I need to accomplish my goals, but what I lack is companionship from a partner that’s my equal.

At the age of 57, I desire to be courted respectfully and properly, with sincerity instead of lies and con games. I need pure dating without the pressure of quick meaningless intimacy. I have various interest, I love the outdoors camping life style, driving cross country, exploring new cusine, gardening, reading, cooking and entertaining family and friends. I am working towards building a tiny house for retirement, and will continue to pursue, publishing books, blogging, and entering a new stage of my career as a public speaker. I still have some self work to do, but I know that I can enter a relationship fresh with less baggage. The only hinders besides getting past the fear of dating is waiting until it is safe to go out and meet people due to the coronavirus. In the meantime, I will remain hopeful.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen ❤️

An update from the Mad Dater

Dear Readers, A while back before I knew better I went on a quest to find my one true love. Yeah, well that journey or should i say adventure did not turn out in my favor. here are dome of the  postings from the ego I created called the Mad Dater. Enjoy.

Hi.

For those who are paying attention, I am 30 days into my journey as  the mad dater in search of my life partner, or should I say the rest of my life partner. Thus far nothing interesting has happened. What I will share with you is this, I’ve wasted money and time posting profiles on two different online dating sites. Despite all the happy advertisements  with couples claiming to they’ve found love and their happy ever after through an online dating site, this maybe true, but allow me to tell you what I’ve observed. These online dating networks are HUBS for losers, jerks, con artist and sexual predators, who are only interested in a one night stands.

Just as my frustration level was about to spike to the boiling point, a friend suggested another online dating site where she found her now fiancée; and the best part the service is FREE! Once again I started over and build yet, another profile, after shutting down the other two. Well,  Its been two weeks  and the response is better than the previous two sites, where most of the photos posted by men claiming to be seeking a relationship/ soul mate looked  like mug shots.

I’ve invested an entire  night searching through profiles and I am pleased to report the men on this new dating site are much more attractive, and some of them understand the concept of starting a dialogue via email or instant messenger before asking me for my number. I am turned off by men who give their number to me as soon as we make contact.

I often refuse to call them instead I ask that  we start to get to know each other through email; most don’t answer me back. At this point in time I don’t know if I am making the right  move. The reason for my hesitation is because we live in perilous times, therefore, I am being careful  not to invite unwanted drama in my life by giving ever Tom, Dick and Harry who flashes a smile fake or real my number.

I know that this maybe hindering my efforts but as the saying goes, ” It’s better to be safe then sorry.”

What say you?

Don’t Say Forever……

Dear Readers,  A sneak peek into a short story in progress. Happy Reading.

Don’t Say Forever……

I did not hear the urgency in her voice I was excited about our weekly rant session. The first clue that something was wrong we didn’t meet at our usual diner for loaded nachos and Long Island Ice tea, with an extra shot. Instead, we met at a fancy tea-house in China Town. When I sat down Katherine looked at me with a death stare and said,

“I hope you have some spare time, this could take a while.” When I looked into Katherine’s usually big brown, beautiful, shiny, eyes, they were dull and blood-shot.

The atmosphere of the teahouse is solemn and dim. This disturbed me because I was in the mood for the cheerful, bright lights and noise of the diner. Kathrine ordered a pot of Earl Grey tea and a glass of sake. My thoughts were racing I’m confused, we talked two days ago and she was her normal lively self. After the table was set and I made tea Katherine took a long drink from her glass of sake, and initiated the conversation…

“This was supposed to be the greatest adventure of my life. I have waited a decade for my King and soul mate. When Samuel got down on one knee, and placed this ring on my finger and ask me to be his life partner, at that moment I felt as though I’d awaken from a long and terrible nightmare.”

I’ve known Katherine for fifteen years she’s been my rock and road dog. I’ve seen this fearless women battle life struggles like a true warrior Queen. She has slayed some ugly demons and dethroned men, and like a hunger and anger lioness, she pursued her ambition of becoming a tenure English Professor and accomplished that goal. The person sitting in front of me, I don’t know her.  Katherine took another drink from her glass of sake and continued.

“It’s my fault, I moved too fast. I should have taken your advice and kept my apartment; my haven; where no one dictated to me. He kept pushing me to move in. I wanted to wait until we were husband and wife.”

Katherine ordered another glass of sake. I reached out across the table grabbing her hand; she squeezed mine with a death grip. Our eyes locked. In hers, I saw grief, regret and something I’ve never seen before defeat.

Kathrine continued, “This relationship is a mistake. Samuel is smothering me and wants to take away my life. He want me to become the relationship.”

I had to say something; I wanted her to stop and breathe. “I’m confused. I thought you said he’s being supportive.”

“Yes, he was while we were under two separate roofs. Samuel says that my goals are for a single person, and since I’m no longer single, I need to think about what’s good for the relationship.”

“What?”

“I rejected an offer to teach for six weeks in Korea because he feels that we haven’t established a solid foundation. He follows me everywhere, he is clingy, needy and he whines. There’s no peace in the house because he talks nonstop, and he interrogates me about everything. The only peace I have is when he isn’t home, when I’m at work and when he doesn’t follow me to church.”

Guilt swept over me. I encouraged Katherine to open her heart and give Samuel a chance.    I watched Katherine dry her teary eyes.

“Come stay with me.”

“Oh no, I will remain right where I am for the next two years.”

“What? Why? I don’t understand.”

“I’ve pondered this situation for weeks; I don’t have to think about forever with Samuel.”

“I don’t get it; you’re going to continue to live with a man you say is not the one.”

“Yes, I am in the best possible position to achieve my goals with financial ease. What is our biggest struggle as single women?”

“Rent.”

“Yes, I don’t pay rent, Samuel does. I pay the smaller expenses. I will continue to play the dutiful fiancé while completing my next two novels, my M.F.A. in addition to going back to the  New York City DownTown Chours to sing at Carnegie Hall, and Samuel will be standing beside me.  In two years, I can retire from teaching. To solidify the deal I will marry him and plan our honeymoon in Aruba.”

“Now I’m truly lost, you’re going to marry him.”

“Yes. Remember the little villa I have in the hills of St. Vincent that no one knows about except you.”

“Yes.”

“While we’re on our blissful honeymoon I will escape and go there. When he reports me missing he’ll become the main suspect.”

“Are you seriously going to do this?”

“Yes. I will be very happy on my little island; while he sits in jail.”

“What make you think Samuel will go to jail?”

“I’ll plant evidence pointing to his guilt.”

“What do you need me to do?”

“Oh, no I’m not going to get you involved in this the less you know the better.”

“I won’t let you do this alone. Remember we promised to be friend until the end, no matter what.”

“This is going to be a long two years, but I can’t leave unless I have the funds to support myself. I have a friend who works for a bank in St. Vincent she, will help me transfer my retirement checks there without anyone being able to trace them.”

My best friend will be gone in two years. What am I going to do?”

We continued to meet for our weekly rant sessions. I don’t know how Katherine did it; living each say in such misery.  Katherine kept an exhausting schedule, when she needed rest, she stayed at my place; by the end of the first year, she published one novel, half way through the second manuscript, and had completed her M.F.A.

The start of the second year Katherine said it was time to begin to focus the plan. She began to close all of her accounts transferring the money to a bank overseas. She cancelled her credits cards and for the rest of her life she will have to use cash she did not want to create a paper trail. Katherine through of everything she knows a someone who knows a guy who can create fake documents for her to assume a new identity. I begin to panic this was becoming real. I’ve heard of people doing stuff like this, I’ve seen movies of people planning how they would vanish, but this is close to home……stay tune for more of  Don’t Say Forever……

 

In the meantime, Read A Different Flavor of Love, by J. R, Floyd, Available On Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/Different-Flavor-Love-J-Floyd

Also, tune into my new YouTube Channel, Conversations from my Couch, and Hosted by me. Here is a sneak peek……. https://youtu.be/qYj5sSJepqE

 

The count down Begins: an update from the mad Dater

 

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Hello readers,

For those who are paying attention, I am 30 days into my journey as  the mad dater in search of my life partner, or should I say the rest of my life partner. Thus far nothing interesting has happened. What I will share with you is this, I’ve wasted money and time posting profiles on two different online dating sites. Despite all the happy advertisements  with couples claiming to they’ve found love and their happy ever after through an online dating site, this maybe true, but allow me to tell you what I’ve observed. These online dating networks are HUBS for losers, jerks, con artist and sexual predators, who are only interested in a one night stands.

Just as my frustration level was about to spike to the boiling point, a friend suggested another online dating site where she found her now fiancée; and the best part the service is FREE! Once again I started over and build yet, another profile, after shutting down the other two. Well,  Its been two weeks  and the response is better than the previous two sites, where most of the photos posted by men claiming to be seeking a relationship/ soul mate looked  like mug shots.

I’ve invested an entire  night searching through profiles and I am pleased to report the men on this new dating site are much more attractive, and some of them understand the concept of starting a dialogue via email or instant messenger before asking me for my number. I am turned off by men who give their number to me as soon as we make contact.

I often refuse to call them instead I ask that  we start to get to know each other through email; most don’t answer me back. At this point in time I don’t know if I am making the right  move. The reason for my hesitation is because we live in perilous times, therefore, I am being careful  not to invite unwanted drama in my life by giving ever Tom, Dick and Harry who flashes a smile fake or real my number.

I know that this maybe hindering my efforts but as the saying goes, ” It’s better to be safe then sorry.”

What say you?

Journey of a Mad Dater

Photo by Chanita Sykes on Pexels.com

Journey of a mad dater: Step one

” You’re a beautiful and talent person why are you have trouble meeting a good man?”  I hear this from close friends and family repeatedly. However, when I asked them,  ” do you know someone in your circle of friends who would be interested in me?” the answer is always the same, “no” or ” I don’t want to be responsible if the relationship doesn’t work out.”

One of the problems with finding a suitable life partner is that no one meets the old fashion way; meaning face to face or being matched up on a blind date, that’s  how my parents met, it seemed to work for them they had 12 children and were married 32 years.  So, I’ve been encouraged to join an  online dating services 😦

Now the dilemma, which one to choose there are so many, and for a fee they all promise, ” happily ever after.”  Even-through I know couples who meet through an online dating service and many of whom have gotten married; my personal feelings is that it’s too impersonal. People sitting behind their computers judging  a person by viewing  pictures and what they read in the “about me” box.

Oh well, after some research and talking to real people about their experience, I’ve decided to part with a few bucks and enlisted a good friend who met her husband online to help me build my profile. We spent an hour selecting the best pictures, and composing details about me and what type of man I am seeking, and with a click of a button it was done. So I thought.

No, the task is not over, I was advised to find time to search through thousands of profiles to find my “soul mate.” And if that isn’t enough work I was told to  watch dating tips from Matthew Hussey, he is supposed to be a dating expert/ guru. When I asked why, I was told that, ” There are lots of does and doesn’t in the world of online dating.” Now I am thinking, WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?

What say you?

Stay Tuned……

Illustrative of couple representing online dating

Illustrative of couple representing online dating

The Dairy of a mad Dater

In the interest of reviving my dying blog ( dragthepen) I’ve decided to make a bold move, and allow the few readers who are paying attention and those who aren’t, to have inside access to my latest project. Although I don’t think I should call searching for a life partner a project, its  more like an experiment because I will be using expert courtship advice; something I’ve never done before.

Guide-to-dating

I feel no shame that I’ve confessed out-loud that I’m going back out into the unknown world of COURTSHIP. Please take notice that I did not use the word dating because in today’s society, the word dating has a negative reputation; to some dating means that a person is sleeping around.

website-cover-naked

At the age of 52 I am not looking for a one night stand, a booty call or a good lay. I’m in the mood for an old fashion COURTSHIP; not the usual after three dates tag your it or not. I’ve been in the desert for several years, I am committed to taking take the necessary steps to slowly climb my way out of the dry and baron exile of single-hood.  Over the next four months ( May 1-September -1) I will sign in with interesting tag lines like, ” he loves me or loves me not,” or ” another one bites the dust.” The end goal is not to find the perfect mate, but to at least find a suitable companion…more details to come.

Photos taken by aahman_-10

What say you?