Self-care matters because you matter

Hello Readers. 

This year dragthepen will host various discussions about Self Care. Why? Because you matter. Your life matters and the quality of your daily life should matter to you. 

Self Care: should not be treated as a luxury but as a necessity daily practice that helps to rejuvenate a person’s holistic well being. In other words, your daily practice of self care should be a combination of relaxing and meditative activities that treat your mental health, your soul, the essence of your core of spiritual soul, activities that strengthen your body and final activities that promote a good emotional balance. 

Daily self care should not be an occasional trip to the nail salon or weekly happy hour or that once a year vacation. A daily practice of self care in this hectic society should include awareness of our eating habits, sleep patterns, exercise, how much television we watch and the content of what we are watching. 

Question, what does yourself care practice look like in your home? Are you teaching your children how to be kind to themselves and not allow society to shape their thinking with distorted images of who they should be? Husbands, wives, partners, brothers, sisters, mother, daughters, father and sons, what do you do when you notice that your loved one is exhausted, emotionally broken, repeating harmful patterns in their life? We have to teach each other about the power of self-reflection and self care and knowing when it is time to step back, breathe, slow down and push the reset button.

We have been taught that we are our brothers and sisters’ keepers, but we are living in a society where we look the other way when those we claim to love and hold in high esteem need a lesson in self care. This conversation will continue.  

Let’s make self care a daily practice and not an occasional treat. 

Thak you for stopping by Dragthepen

SELF CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Readers. This year I will be discussing various aspects of self-care and mental health.

Photo by Taryn Elliott on Pexels.com

People say that ” self-care is the best care”. I say, we in a society where we don’t have meaningful conversations about and how to enforce self-care thus taking supporting our mental health on a daily basis. We talk about mental health and protecting our peace, but how can we protect our peace when we lack good self-care practices? 

What is your mental health worth to you? Think about some of these points while you’re grinding yourself into exhaustion and developing poor eating and sleep habits. 

Do you lack a productive social life and I am not referring to Happy Hour. Is family time something you avoid or take time to plan for the wellbeing of your family’s emotional and mental health? 

How many people reading this will admit that they are overwhelmed at home and overworked at the job. 

You feel drained, angry, have become an emotional eater, gain weight, lost weight due to stress, and are short tempered.

Have you allowed your mental and emotional health to suffer due to remaining in dysfunction relationships? When I say relationships, this includes intimate situations, family, and friends.

People bottom line we all need down time, alone time, spa day, a weekend getaway, and a night out on the town. We need to laugh more, increase our listening skills, and practice disconnecting  from technology and all social media, and have old fashion conversations. 

I am going to leave that right there. Throughout 2023 I will be offering suggestions like, good books to read on self-care, reminding you to step back and take some down time and more topics on the importance of good self-care and mental health practice.  

Self-Matters

Dear Readers, A word from dragthepen A.K.A. J. R. creator of Conversations with J. R. Floyd. Be careful when you allow family, friends and others to dictate the path of your life or behavior. Recently, I was mentally, emotionally and physically burning out, but people kept telling me to push through, or your strong you can handle it. I was advised by my circle of girlfriend if I had a man life wouldn’t be as difficult. At the end of October, I completed a 14 day fast, and talked to God. Then I took a three-day mental break. Moving forward…the smoke has cleared, and I have clarity and arrived at this conclusion that some people, places and things need to be removed from my life. Lighting the load means more time for the things that matters to me. SELF CARE AND YOUR MENTAL HEALTH MATTERS. 

WHAT SAY YOU?

Are You in Over Your Head?

Dear Readers,

Photo by Rifqi Ramadhan on Pexels.com

Balance is a simple word. It means to distribute weight evenly. Recently I forced myself to slow down by rearranging my schedule due to feeling overwhelmed.  Each passing day I began to declutter my schedule and gain a better perspective on how to solve the issue of rushing, and not getting enough rest.  The rest I am referring to isn’t about the recommended 7-8 of sleep. I mean resting from that never ending To Do List. 

The last two years I’ve examined the quality of activities in my life, and made some changes. First, I do not volunteer my time for anything unless I am benefiting from the activity. I no longer say yes to any requests unless I review my calendar. I stopped cramming my calendar with activities. In other words, what I did not need in my schedule is more activities, instead take the activities I do have an add Balance. 

I am preparing for retirement and I need the time to explore and research my plan to relocate and build a tiny house. At this stage of my life I no longer feel the need or have the energy to Grind. I have noticed as I am advancing in age my mind and body are no longer willing to cooperate with me working 16 hour days. What I need more of is Balance and Consistency in making the quality of my life a priority. 

I do not need to add more tasks to my To Do List. I need to practice Balance. Being busy doesn’t mean productivity. Have you ever stopped to question what you’re busy doing and why? I have recreated my To Do List into five areas of my life: health, worship, finances, rest, and retirement. The goal is to  prioritize these five areas and Balance my time to give equality and quality to the goals I want to achieve in these areas. For example, in the area of Rest, I have been traveling more and taking weekend mental breaks by staying at an airbnb. The more I take weekend breaks from the same routines I feel energized, refreshed and I have more clarity. 

It’s so easy to lose sight of the demands we place on these human bodies. When was the last time you paid attention to how mentally and emotionally drained your feelings? Society tells us to be positive, push through, be strong and that multitasking is good. What I observe is a population of people who are exhausted, angry, eating poorly, rushing from one activity to the next, not enough quality time spent at home, and taking less and less time for mental breaks and vacations. 

Declutter your schedule, home and workspace. Throw out that never ending To Do List. Cancel the bucket list. Create a Life List. Take time to critically think why you’re feeling overwhelmed. How do you rest?  How is your mental and emotional health? Don’t you think it’s worth taking time to slow down and practice Balance, Consistency and adding some peace and joy into your life. 

Thank you for stopping by Dragthepen

Individual versus the Group

Dear Readers, just because you belong to a group doesn’t mean you stop being an individual.

Photo by Helena Lopes on Pexels.com

Recently, I had an experience that taught me a profound lesson. The experience wasn’t tragic, but it lasted long enough for me to understand that it was time to disconnect, step back, get still, turn inward and have a deep conversation with my inner self. The old me would have reacted differently and became angry, and ranted about the experience to anyone who would listen to me playing the role of the victim. The old me would have carried my anger around like a badge of honor for my wounds. But I am not that person anymore and I have learned to step back and critically think about an occurrence that my mind and heart want to immediately conclude as negative.

So, what did I do? I spent a week in silence, meaning, no TV, no soical media, no chatting on the phone, and I didn’t mention the incident to anyone. I journaled, prayed, and kept silent. On the 3rd day of my silence, I arrived at the conclusion that the incident brought attention to an area of my life that I wasn’t nurturing. What I’ve learned is that I need to pay attention to my behavior and thinking when I am in a group setting, more important pay attention how I attach myself to this group. Humans naturally have an instinct to want to belong, no one wants to feel left out. However, it is out of habit that when people join a group, team, organization, or tribe, whatever name you give to your people. It is good to connect to like minded people, but be careful that you don’t make a habit of changing your mindset or behavior to match that of the group because you want to belong.

The group is an amazing collection of ages, culturally mixed and like minded. Since being in the presence of this group I discovered that I am not as depressed as I use to I be. I am surrounded by loving people who verbally express and show love, and when we meet usually twice a week it is am amazing celebration. I often leave our meetings happy and looking forward to the next meeting. The incident that happened singled me out, but only a few people witnessed the interaction. It left me wondering why me? I have found my tribe, why me? I wasn’t going to play the pitty game, and I didn’t feel the need to confront the other person. I am glad that I simply took a step back and examined what really happened.

I know that your asking yourself, am I going back to the group? Yes, I am going back with new knowledge and better awareness. It was a teaching moment that lead me to examine who I am.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen ❤️

Looking in the Mirror, time for reflection

Time For A New Attitude

Dear Readers, 

If this is your first time following me, dragthepen is dedicated to discussing issues that impact our relationships and our daily lives. Last week Monday, I was live on facebook and asked my viewers  this question, When we were ordered to be sheltered in place what changes took place in their marriage, partnership, or entanglement? This discussion is focused on you about self reflection, question,  have you given any thought to how you’ve changed or made changes in your life since being sheltered in place?

While enclosed in our homes we had a lot to handle trying to maintain a healthy mental and emotional balance. Now that we have had time to enjoy summer and fall and winter is fast approaching, have you taken time to think about your life and the adjustments that moving forward require you to make?

Most people don’t want down time to reflect on their lives because they may discover areas of their life that makes them uncomfortable to think about. Instead, they prefer to avoid what needs to be addressed. It takes a brave and honest person to confess weakness, struggles and disappointments.

Can you honestly look at yourself in the mirror and say to yourself that before the coronavirus rolled into town that you were 100 percent happy with all areas of your life? Or were moments when you came to the conclusion that you should reevaluate your life.

I understand that people continue to struggle with finances, unemployment, home school, working from home, eviction, and are simply concerned about their future. I’ve had conversations with family members, friends, co- workers and other people who say, “that this crisis has caused them to come face to face with areas of their life that they either avoided improving and they have regrets and hope to have a chance to make changes.”

Some people said that they regret not taking vacations and enjoying life more, they should have watched their spending and saved more money, completed their education, made an effort to work on their relationships, and complete unfinished projects, they worry over the pain caused by broken promises. I heard repeatedly from people that this crisis has called to their attention the things in life that are truly important. This nation has been through a great test this year concerning the destruction from the corona virus and racial tension and it seems that nothing is getting better, so it’s easy for people to give up.   

And with all the things that people have to cope with it’s difficult for them to think about self-care. I am saying to you take a moment to think about how this crisis has changed you. What is important to you in order to move forward, make changes and create a better life. Take a moment for you. 

I’ve taken advantage of this down time reading more, and I’ve discovered that I like this slower pace of life. I have decided not to go back to draining myself on the grind. I want a more focused life, working on projects that have meaning and purpose, no more filling up my calendar until I can’t breathe, I don’t have to be all things to all people. I enjoy blogging, writing books, ( My third  will be released  Dec). I want time to produce more YouTube videos for my channel Conversations with J. R. Floyd. I am working on my script for a documentary I will produce in the summer of 2021. Oh and the biggest change I am transitioning to a new profession. This new career move will allow me the time to pursue all the goals that I have planned.

The world has changed and it will continue to change. changes that wasn’t expected but the coronavirus has forced us to change. How are you going to move forward and embrace CHANGE?

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen.

Recovery Day

Dear Readers, 

Recovery day, some people advise taking a self care day. My question to you is do you take time to create a structured recovery day? While you’re thinking about the answer, bear in mind that some people become deeply caught up in the “ Grind” that they lose focus and the drive to create a good self care plan for them and family.  

Recovery day is an entire day off from physical and mental work. I am thankful that I live alone and my peace on recovery days is not disturb. Even if you live at home with family, think about introducing recovery day, especially if there are children in the home. Teaching children how to have a recovery day or down time will be helpful to their emotional and mental well-being, children will understand how to enjoy quiet time at home. Most homes are filled with  noise, chaos, 24 hours TV watching, video games, social media, babies crying, children running, playing, and fighting, and no one is paying attention to how all of this chaos and noise is affecting them emotionally and mentally.  

I am talking from experience. Growing up as a child privacy and quiet time was not taught it was frowned upon. My parents’ attitude was I lived in their house and should abide by their rules, so staying in my room for private or quiet time was viewed as being defiant. When I became an adult and started living on my own I began to understand the importance of developing good habits of structuring recovery days. 

 My rules for recovery day

1. No house cleaning 
2. Sleep late or just rest in bed
3. Eat healthy foods and drink lots of water
4. No checking social media, emails, or long phone conversations 
5. Think about the week ahead and plan 
6. If you have children limit watching television, read or play board games 
7. Have a family meal and talk
8. Connect with self wash your hair, give a self manicure and rub your feet 
9. If the weather permits take a walk

 Recovery day should end either by making popcorn and watching a good movie or continue reading that book you want to finish, and go to bed early time.  

Thank to for stopping by dragthepen.

The Healing process

Dear Readers,

A part of the healing process is to acknowledge when your overwhelmed by the emotions your working through. Creating a daily routine keeps you busy and sometime you can get lost in begin busy that you don’t pay attention to the emotions and the grief that eventually will caught up with you. I spent this past year focusing on pushing my brand ” Conversations with J. R. Floyd” I wrote a third book, created a new website, appear live on Facebook, and kept my you tube channel current. I  journal, read books, and watched 100ths of motivational speakers. I fasted and prayed, but I wouldn’t allow myself to cry because I felt this would show weakness. Today, is the day that my strong shoulders became weak, the emotions caught up to me and I finally had that cry. It is a relief to acknowledge what I feel and what I have been busy running from. So, now it is time for me to step back from my brand and focus on my emotional and physical health and the fact that I am going to make a career change in 2020. Thank you for your support. I will be back. 💖

Is your partner asking you for Space?

Dear Readers,

In today’s society when people mention the word SPACE while engaged in a relationship, they tend to have a negative view about the meaning of your partner wanting space. I interrupt space as a need for a time out or a mental break. This time out or a mental break doesn’t have to have a negative impact on the relationship.

Watch my video and tell me what you think about space in the relationship.