The Lost Foundation of the Family

Dear Readers, Hope all is well with you. It’s March Women’s herstory month, a time to honor women past, present and future for their sacrifice, voices, and contributions that has made it possible for women to be heard, achieve and to be seen.  

Today’s topic is about Family. People say that family is blood, but  sometimes this is not always the case. Some people argue that the original make up of  the family is a man and woman who come together ❤ and produce children allowing generations to live on. It’s ok to have your opinion about who makes a family. I am concerned about the lost foundation of  the family because  Families that have been divided, broken and destroyed causing us to live in an imbalanced society.  

My siblings and myself  have had the good fortune to be raised at a time when two parent homes were the norm with the support of extended family members. And I  like to add that the ” village we were raised by ” children of my generation had to respect the adults in that village without question. People say that ” family is every ” or ” without family a person has nothing.” If these sayings are true then why are Families struggling to stay together? 

Over the years I’ve often wondered what  happened to the foundation of family? And why are there others who are creating their version of family? Why is one parent households increasing, grandparents raising grandparents children, and children raising children without the support of family. Fathers walking away from family, mother’s pushing husbands out the door; and baby mamas fighting for child support. Broken marriage due to husbands and wives having  one foot inside the home and the foot outside. Families have been destroyed by lies, secrets, grudges, and competition between the haves and have nots.

Mother’s want to be their children’s best friends trying to relive their youth, instead of  nurturing, guiding, protecting their children. Fathers are fascinated with  new rides and spend weekends glued to their wide screen television watching sports, allowing the burden of raising the children to fall on a frustrated mother. This is a recipe for failure and chaos in the home.

Children of this generation are allowed to roam the streets with no curfew. I shake my head and reflect back to how I was raised. People from my generation understood what time it was when the street light came on. Children of this generation talk back to their elders, and engage in physical fights with family members calling the cops because society has given them the power over their guardians.

Shall I go on? 

Family gatherings are not what they used to be because of the rivalry between family members, so somebody isn’t going to receive an invitation. Here is the best one: families who unite at funerals making big speeches vowing to do better and mend the division in the family. We all know that this is just a big show and people are either depressed by the death of a loved one or had one too many drinks at the repass.

I think by now you understand where I am going with this. My intention is to bring awareness about the lost foundation of the family as a social issue because when a family becomes broken it leaves a wound in a society that is already bearing the scars of a population of emotionally wounded people lost and feeling hopeless and disconnected.  

 There you have it, my thoughts on the lost foundation of the family.

Thankyou for stopping by dragthepen

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children can’t be children anymore

Dear Readers,

Remember back in the day when streets were safe for children to frolic and play?
The sounds of laughter, jumping rope, playing tag, hopscotch or jacks. The days when children constructed club houses out of large cardboard boxes and built race carts from materials found around their neighborhoods. Friendly winter snow ball fights, rolling around in hills of leaves in the fall, and sitting outside on warm summers nights.

Lemonade stands, hot dogs, baking cookies, family picnics, community softball games, and dance socials. I remember what a childs birthday party was celebrated by an entire community, and block parties were consider the social event of the summer. One of my greatest childhood memories is my father’s love for the beach. During the summer my family split our time between the beach and the country learning about nature and fishing with my dad. I loved and enjoyed the freedom of my childhood.

Fast-forward…..

What has happened to the rite of passage of childhood, the innocence of their smiles and the heart felt joy of childish giggles? Today’s generation is asked to mature too fast they are rushed to take on the tasks and role of an adult when they are not emotionally ready to make adult descions?

I see children’s daily schedules jammed with activities and I wonder if these over active children have time to just be a kid? My heart goes out to the children who are trapped between over achieving parents, who set expectations beyond their childs abilities.Tiger Moms pushing their daughter’s into beauty pageants in hopes of their princess becoming the next Ms. America. Fathers priming their sons to become sports jocks teaching them that real men are fearless, in control if their emotions and aggressive. All it takes is a scroll through social media to see teenage girls pimped out and fluffed up to look like fully mature women. Young men sagging pants, tattoos, sporting a hard core thug appearance. Society is overrun with underage single mothers and fathers trying to imitate playing house.

The new play ground is hanging out at the Mall, young people living their lives attached to phones, ipads and soical media, their immediate concern is having the lastest name brand clothes, electronics, and hanging out with family is corny and boring. Television show marketed to children are becoming increasingly violent and sexual even the Disney Channel has gone rogue. This generations values and morals are different and planning for the future is something that old people do.

I could go on and on but I think at this point you get the message.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen ❤️

The Joys of Parenthood

Dear Readers,                                          my son and my two granddaughters

 

This is just a matter of opinion and not intended to advise parents how to raise their children. Have you noticed that modern thinking parents no longer believe that it takes “ A village to raise a child”.  I am a baby boomer raised in the South by two parents who were very much disciplinarians. My father was a soldier and he believed in “ spoil the child, but use the rod” when necessary. My mother used a different approach when disciplining her children, she took away privileges, withheld allowance, and removed you from participating in important family events like birthday parties and BBQ’s. Above all my parents communicated with me and my siblings in a loving manner and only displayed displeasure by the frown on their face or the tone of disappointment in their voice. I have recently taken to observing the manner that modern parents verbalize displeasure towards their children and it is shocking. I have heard parents threatening their children how they would cause them physical harm for misbehaving. No, I am not talking about a minor spanking on the bottom, I have heard parents threatening to slap, kick, and punch their children.  And they do so by using the utmost foul language to describe their disapproval because their child is “ acting out”. Children will be l children, and what I see is parents who are getting younger and younger, and lack the patience, compassion, and the understanding that their world as an adult changed the moment they chose to bring a life into the world, and parenthood is a 100 percent 24 hour, 7 days a week, 356 days a year responsibility. Most young people become parents without a solid foundation, in other words, they are not emotionally, mentally, or financially prepared. They stumble through parenthood not grasping that true parenting means sacrifices, being opened to learning, and the understanding that being a parent means that life revolves around the needs of their children

Most young parents still feel the need to “ have a life” . Here’s some new information: your children are your life. Once you made the adult choice to bring forth life you do not get to choose which days you feel like being a parent. Your first allegiance as a parent is for the safety and welfare of your children. If nobody has told these young modern parents, let me have the pleasure to be the first to inform them that being a parent is a true gift, and children are the best part of our society, they remind us what’s important and they show adults that we are never to old to nurture the child that will always be in our spirit. Children encourage us to laugh, be silly, playful, and they give the best and sincere hugs. I don’t profess to be the world’s greatest parent. My one and only son ( who I called my one true love) was born into a world to a young unlearned and naive mother, and a father who misled me to believe that I was the love of his life, and that we were going to be married and live happily ever after. Well, he abandoned us when my son was 10 months old. I failed as a young parent because I lacked adult guidance and a support system. My mother was disgusted with me for getting “ knocked up”, my father did the best he could, but he was aging and illness took over his life. Every other adult in my life was dealing with their own chaos. I had to work to support me and my son,  and I never truly understood how to bond with him. He paid the price for being born to young parents. Today, he is a proud father of three, and he often tells me that he will never leave his children, and I know this is because of the manner that he was raised, by a strict grandmother, and absentee parents. 

 

my son

I am grateful today that my son, my one true love, has taught me a sincere lesson of unconditional forgiveness,  and at the age of 39, he allows me to be the mother that I always wanted to be, but didn’t know how. It’s like I said, children can teach us lessons, my son taught me that it’s not what happened, but what we will do now. I hope that many people will read this and tuck their children in tonight and let them know that they are loved. 

 

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen

On Being Mom

Dear Readers,

Last night changed today. Let me explain. Yesterday, I created a to do list for today. One of my goals for the New Year ( 2019) is to plan and stick to a daily agenda so that my tasks do not pile up and overwhelm me. I received a call from my daughter in law telling me that my son (my only child) at the age of 37 had a heart attack. I eased myself to the floor while I listened to her relay the events of the day that resulted in her calling for emergency assistance. My immediate concern is for her and my three grandchildren because my son is the rock of that family, and their three children is the center of his life. Mothers are never prepared for these type of phone calls. Making this situation more complicated they live in North Carolina, and I live thousands of miles away in New York City. My first instinct is to pack and get moving, but my daughter in law communicated that my son said for me to stay put until they have information from the doctors. She continued to assure me that he is receiving good service and that she would not leave his side. So, I must stop pacing and wrenching my hands and make good use of my time by sticking to today’s schedule. My son is my biggest fan and supporter of my journey of becoming a writer. Through all of life’s trials’ and errors my son has been the best miracle that’s ever happened to me. I make myself better so that he has a mom that he can be proud of. So, today with a lot of prayers, tears and positive thinking, I push on…….

 

The Image of Women

Mommy Dearest

Dear Readers,

I once read that being a mother is the best job. I say, “motherhood isn’t a job it’s a calling.”a job is defined as a paid position of regular employment. While motherhood is the state or experience of having or raising a child. A mother forth life and no definition can truly define the true role of a mother. Women who makes the choice to bring forth life or to adopt children embarks on a life long journey that some say changes the entire course of their life. Being a mother means a life time of having a connection to their children that doesn’t end when the umbilical cord is cut. There is no job description that is equal to the multiple tasks performed by a mother within a 24-hour day, seven days a week, 365 days a year, with the occasional birthday, Mothers’ day, a spa day or night out with the girls. Despite the thousands of books dedicated to helping mothers by giving them advice on the proper way to raise their children; any mother will tell you that there are no manuals that comes close to explaining the instincts, talent, and gifts that mothers have. A mother’s love runs deeper than any ocean, and shines brighter than the stars in the galaxy.  The healing touch of a mother’s hands is more comforting than a skills physicians’ hands. The depths of a mother’s wisdom and knowledge comes from the profound minds of generations. When a mother feels sorrow the entire world senses her pain and mourns with her.  A mother’s joy burns brighter than the Sun and lasts a life time. Motherhood isn’t a random position that a woman chooses, A mother answers to the stirring in her womb, she responses to the call of a natural caretaker. A mother makes heart breaking sacrifices that only another mother understands. Memories of Mothers live on burned into the hearts and mind of her children long after she had departed this earth. Some people say the best things in life are free. I say, “motherhood is the most precious gift of life.”

What say you?

Bad Mon, Good Mom

Dear Readers,

Can I have a drum roll please…. The mother of the year award goes to…..

There is an ongoing debate about the qualities of a goof mother. Women in general have been tried judged and sentenced, by the majority who feel that a mother’s place is at home. With that being said, women who choose to become mothers; have had bricks thrown at them, and I say that in a literal sense. The populace defines a mother as one who bares the sole custodianship of caring for their offspring’s. Therefore, mothers who desire to function outside of their assigned gender role they must be able to withstand the storm of criticism by the unapproving masses. “Having It All, “meaning women who are balancing motherhood while perusing interest outside the home. The problems with “Having It All,” is the lack of support by a social order that dictates what women should be. By the way, women do not want to “Have it all, “They desire the opportunity and the freedom to express themselves outside the role of being a mother.

This is my story. what say You?