To be a Man

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Dear Readers,

Men have parts of them that are broken and need to be healed, but the standards set forth by society is this, men are indebted to the principles of the Maculine gender that requires them to “Confirm to the idea of Manliness” as quoted by Paul Theroux, On Being a Man. Therefore, to behave in any other manner besides what’s expected some men run the risk of being labeled or accused of stepping outside their assigned gender role.

As part of my role as a motivational coach for my brand Conversations with J. R. Floyd, my mission is to discuss issues that impact intimate relationships, to empower men and women to be brave and examine their brokenness as the first step on the path to healing.

Recently, I was called upon by one of my male viewers who also happens to be a former students of mine. He need a face to face coaching session his issue, he ended a relationship that he now says was a mistake.
When we meet my first question to him: “ Why did he broke off the relationship?”
His answer: “ Because I am a man and I like to be in control.”
Me: silence.

While he continued to tell me what lead up to his decision, I thought back to our first meeting two years ago, this young man was hard core angry. As time went by he opened up and I discovered that his anger was a result of the lack of his mothers’ love. Despite this he matured right before my eyes and made it to graduation. I thought that he had conquered his anger issues. I don’t place 100 percent of the blame on him this is a 50/50 situation; he comes from a culture where men are expected to live up to “ MACHISMO”, secondly, he has been misled by all the myths on what it really makes a man, a man.

The bottom line he showed me an emotional side that other men would say makes him weak because he is showing emotions. Instead of sitting around his “ home boys” drinking and celebrating the fact that he showed her, his ex -girlfriend who is boss by breaking up with her, instead he called me for help. Other men would accused him of  being a punk for wanting to crawl back to a woman. When I looked in his eyes I saw pain and confusion. It is despairing that we live in a society where men are not allowed to connect to their emotions freely without judgement. The good things about this situation is that the young lady is willing to give him another chance, but she wants to see changes in his aggressive behavior. I gave him homework, he is to write in his journal each night, and he is to reserve every other saturday to pure dating, talking and just getting to know his partner, and she has agreed to be patient and take things very, very slow.

He left our first coaching session smiling and in his eyes I saw hope. I couldn’t help but think about all the young men in this world that are being raised to be a man, but they haven’t a clue about what being a man means.

What say you?

Secrets

Dear readers,

Psssst, can you keep a secret? No, this is not a trick question. I think that there are two sides to keeping secrets. First, if you must ask the person you’re about to confess the crimes that you have committed against humanity; if she or he will be able to keep in confidence the information that is burning a hole in your soul, I say to the secret keeper should be cautious as to why the secret teller; is setting up the secrets holder to withhold knowledge about something or someone this could be an unfortunate situation to be in.

Say for an example, an uncle knew that his married nephew had committed adultery, thus destroying the good relationship the uncle had with the wife. The uncle felt it wasn’t his place to divulge this information. In the meantime, he felt that he was betraying the wife, and this caused friction between him and the nephew. In the end the nephew confessed to the wife, she discovered that the uncle knew of the affair, but she never approached him. They have since patched up their marriage. But the relationship between them have changed and the uncle hasn’t visited their home in five years.

Have you noticed that many motivational speakers use the word “secret” and for a price they will tell us the secrets to happiness, wealth, and how to attract a mate, there was a book many years ago called “The Secret” the book claimed that the secret to the law of attraction was simply to alter our thought pattern and the world will change.

Husbands and wives keep secrets from each other. Generations of families live with one dark secrets that only a few dares to whisper. Children learn at an early age how to hide the truth. When an individual testifies in a court of law they are asked to place their hands on a bible, and swear to tell the truth, meaning after taking the oath they can’t keep secrets.

Ask yourself a question the next time someone ask you to keep a secret, do you really want to carry around the responsibility of someone else’s burden?

What say you?