The Narrative of Worth

Dear Readers, 

When was the moment you discovered the narrative about being unworthy. By narrative I mean the private conversation that you have in your head about being unworthy. Then there is society and all the confusing voices measuring and judging your worth according to your net worth, education, class status, your circle of friends, where you reside, and whether you are a renter or a homeowner. 

What relationship were you in when he or she told you that ” you were fortunate to have taken up space in their life” and they made you feel that  you were beneath their standards, and you brought into that lie. Who was the family member or members who told you as a child that you were ugly, undeserving, mischievous, and wasn’t going to amount to anything good? Did those voices of negativity follow you into adulthood? 

At your place of employment you grind to shine only to be demeaned, belittle, devalued, and told that the work your produce isn’t good enough, and you are barred from membership in the office clicks, thus you brood and begin the narrative that your not good enough.This game of labeling individuals not good enough leads to feelings of being unworthy, and it’s a form of bullying. So what do you do? When all the arrows of being unworthy point at you, beating down your self worth, self esteem, and breaking your spirit.

Night and day this narrative of being unworthy haunts you, and you doubt who you are and what you’re capable of achieving. Then you become trapped in a ugly cycle of trying to fix yourself to become the ideal image of worthiness. You seek approval and hope others will build up your confidence. You buy name brand clothes, and shoes, you become an addict staying neatly groomed, you eat at the right places, buy membership into health clubs, and network with people who are only name droppers. 

You strive and strive to the point of frustration because you don’t see progress in being worthy. You continue on this cycle of trying to prove that you’re worthy, until you’re so beaten down and deep into the abyss of untruth that you’re willing to accept anybody’s truth about your worthiness. 

Then the bough breaks. All the emotional damage, mental stress, physical hardship, sleepless nights, tears, fears, come rushing forward all at once. What do you do? 

The only thing you can. 

You stand still, look in the mirror and tell yourself you are worthy. You block out the voices and

images in society that tell you that you need to believe the hype that buying into someone else dictating your self -worth isn’t an option for you. You greet each new day with you head up, shoulders squared, and walk with the stride of a Naval officer, erect and determined. You keep staying to yourself that you are worthy and then you create your life based on what you know your worth by your own standards. 

You refuse to play this dangerous game of  giving your soul over to others who will mishandle you. You play by your own rules and refuse to bend to the cries of conformity. And at the end of the day you can look those naysayers in the eyes not with anger and resentment, but with pride and strength because they know you know your worth and there is nothing they can do. 

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen

Then the Darkness Came

Dear Readers, 

I knew what it was the moment I felt it. I went into fight mode. I didn’t want to feel it not now. After all I made it through the months of being sheltered in place without giving into that feeling, so why now?  I don’t need this darkness to invade my life, interrupting my sleep, pressing down on me and taking away my will to live. I want to be happy, I desire to be whole. After all the B.S. that I have fought back from and survived why is it coming around now? 

When the light goes away I can’t think my thoughts become heavy, and my body turns into a pillar of stone. The harder I fight back against the gloom that threatens to overwhelm me with waves of sadness and flashback from my past choking me, and robbing me of the chance to see the brightness of the sun and to breath fresh air. So, I sink deeper and deeper into despair. 

AND THEN THE DARKNESS CAME……

Since the age of 17 I have been in a battle for my life with Depression. The suffering and pain of   mental illness is REAL, and the challenge to get through each second, hour and an entire day, is like pushing a one tone boulder up a steep hill with one hand.  I consider myself to be one of the lucky people who have fought this battle without medication,  but at a high price. The demons of depression will robe your soul and suck any glimmer of light and hope that tries to emerge. 

Before you ask, there is no wishing mental illness away, a vacation won’t cure it, spa day will just give a temporary reprieve, and for all the PRICKS out there who think that people who have lots of money have no reason to be depressed, well, if you walked 24 hours in a person shoes who is suffering from depression, and experience the inner hell that takes over mind, soul and spirit, you will have a better understanding of this dark abyss of misery. 

I am lucky this time the depression only lasted a month and I am slowly returning to a temporary normal. I have a few projects I am working on and the depression has set me back, but you will be hearing from me very soon. 

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen

Get the Clutter out!

Dear readers,

I found this great quote by Eleanor Brown ” Clutter is not just physical things; its old ideas, toxic relationships, and bad habits. Clutter is anything that does not support your better self.”

Toxic people are those individual who walk around with a dark cloud over their heads, nagging, complaining and being negative these people can drain the life out of you. CLUTTER!

Mental clutter in the form of old ideas and myths that are meant to keep people stalled in old ways of doing things or myths that serves as untruth. Think about that people are saying to you and the intentions behind the words.

Question. Are you paying attention to the Clutter in your life? What are you going to do to clean out, get rid of the clutter in your home, removing toxic people ( wife, husband, children, co-workers, church members, friends ). What about all those useless ideas that only serves the purpose of holding you back from creating new ideas.  Come on lighten the load so that you can clear the way to receive good people and situations in your life.

What say you?

The Journey Of Life and People

 

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A friend sent these words to me on New Year’s Day 2016.  After reading, this passage I asked her “where did she get these words of wisdom?” she replied, “Someone sent them to me.”

I share these words with you.

No matter what your NEW YEARS RESOLUTION is…! The type of people in your life has a lot to do with your journey of life. Start the New Year with screening the people in your life. Evaluating them will let you know who to upgrade, downgrade or totally terminate. Always remember that not, everybody deserves the special guest star role in the movie of your life. Anyone who is not adding VALUE to your life shouldn’t be in the front line of your life.

The dream of a SADIST is for everyone to be miserable in life. Those who cannot see greatness in their own life will never see anything good in your life. Whoever sees or treats you, as an OPTION doesn’t deserve to be a priority in your life. Never put temporary people in permanent places of your life, and do not be afraid of removing the wrong people from the right places in your life. It is your life then it is your right.

Be BOLD to make any decision concerning your life. If people call it pride tell them its class. No matter the economy of the jungle, lions will never eat grass. Even if education is free, a rat will never go to school with a cat. You can never go anywhere with negative people. Negative people are like cars without gas and engines. You can sit in them, but they will never take you anywhere.

Always remember this: never ever embark on a journey with someone who is not going anywhere in life, or not willing to add VALUE to your life. Activate caution in your dealings with others…

What Say You?