The Trend of Handballing

Dear Readers,

As many times as it has been said and will be said, Happy New Year! Todays, conversation is not about keeping New Year’s resolutions or encouraging you to make a bucket list. I Think people are more focused on making sense of how to endure this on going pandemic.

Today’s topic is inspired by a sister friend who sent me an article from the New York Post, “What is Handballing”? The newest dating trend for singles, by Josie Griffiths. The term handballing is a dating method used when an individual meets a prospective partner, he or she is very clear, and in some cases aggressively forceful about expectations on how they are willing to pursue a relationship. Ladies I like to speak to concerning this subject because nowadays, women are changing their approach about relationships. The trend that I see is that women are taking steps to establish a foundation of friendship, leading to a relationship and then marriage. Today’s generation of women are clear about not want to be trapped in the cruel cycle of the dating game, messy situationships or entanglements. The article is clear that handballing is the new method that single people are using to avoid wasting time because these individuals are dating with a purpose.

The million-dollar question and concern for women is when is too soon after meeting a person of interest should they handball? After all isn’t the goal of dating with a purpose is to get him interest in you? The answer to that question is no because this is the old way of thinking and pursuing relationships. Handballing isn’t about getting the person to be interested in you,

“handballing” is about digging deep and investigating whether the person is thinking on the same level of emotional maturity, setting standards and boundaries, monogamy, children, no children, marriage, and knowing the importance of compromising fairly. In other words, ladies be up front about the qualities that will be the foundations for developing a lasting relationship. If after having engaged in a hardball question and answer session with your date and he doesn’t call again, oh well, you know what he was after.

I enjoyed the article it is refreshing to know that there is a population of single people who won’t settle and are willing to wait for a suitable partner. To my female readers don’t be afraid to speak up, stop being “ Handballed” by individuals who discourage you by using the myth of the biological clock, or encourage you to take who you can get rather than who is more suitable to your desires. And it is ok to disconnect from dating men who will only want you to “go with the flow and see where things go.” Don’t cheapen yourself by keeping deadbeat men around who will only sweet talk you into being passive and trapped in relationships that don’t fulfill your needs.  Its better to find out where you stand by using “handballing” method than to lower your standards and end up with less than you deserve.

Thank you for reading.

New Year. Newed hope.

Dear Readers, I can happily say that during 2021, I’ve had more highes than lowes. After many challenges my 3rd book was published, and I completed a cross country drive from New York City to California ( thank you Tate for being my road warrior). I became a member of the Central Brooklyn Lions Club and discovered two Ministries that helped me to revive my dying prayer life and Bible study. I joined a gym enjoying my workouts and renewed physical energy. I am deeply thankful that I was able to visit my mother in South Carolina for Thanksgiving. Finally, it took time, therapy, tears and prayer, but I battled through depression and regained my drive and focus to continue with my goals on my vision board.

Looking forward to the blessings of 2022, I am thrilled to leave behind the old negative narrative, people who gossip, and others who want to hold onto old pain. There is no room in my new negative for useless drama, distractions and holding onto yesterday’s pain. It’s been a long time since Ive walked in the light of hope and it feels amazing.

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on

Happy New Year from J. R. Floyd, creator of dragthepen & Conversations with J. R on YouTube and Amazon Music.

The Vision

Dear Readers, 

It’s 6 days into the New Year and the feeling of relief and excitement of having made it through a year of turmoil is fresh in the air. The collective feelings from the masses is the hope that ” 2021 will be  a better year” and ” we are ready to move on.”  A New Year is when people begin to rethink their lives in the form of new year’s resolutions or bucket lists. I used to be a believer in both for years, I created a list of  resolutions, and posted them on my refrigerator. I was engaged in the hype that each new year was going to be the year that I would achieve my goals. However, after three months I will lose steam, my focus and the desire to do the work to accomplish my goals; so year after year I repeated the same cycle making new year’s resolutions and failing to accomplish them. 

Then I graduated to the Bucket List and for a while this worked. But over time it seemed that all I was doing was making a list of adventures I wanted to experience, places to visit, and I threw in some resolutions. Only to fall back into the habit of failing to stay focused on what I wanted to accomplish. I gave up and went about living life willy-nilly, enjoying good times and events, but my life felt like there was no meaning, vision or purpose.  

My life changed when I attended my first vision board gathering. Before you jump to conclusions or judgement here me out. I know some people’s opinions about vision boards is that they are corny or sound like hocus pocus nonsense. It’s taken me a few years to understand how a vision board has helped me to achieve more with my life than making resolutions or a bucket list. The difference for me is that I was making lists and never actually spent time using my imagination or visualization to genuinely see myself in the positions that I desired to be in. Silly me, my thinking was that somehow the universe would blink like a jennie and magically my desires would appear. 

Over time what I have learned from the process of creating vision boards is to ask myself questions about the purpose and intent behind what I want to fulfill. Creating a list of resolutions I didn’t understand that there had to be a plan, measurable goals, there will be setbacks and how to deal with distractions. Most importantly holding myself accountable for giving into the negative thinking that somehow I wasn’t worthy. Moving forward I have clarity and understand the difference between wishful thinking, useless resolutions and creating a long bucket list and then waiting a lifetime to achieve what is in my reach at this present moment.  

This year I will be 57 and the priority is to work towards retirement ( retiring at 60 and relocating to start my own tutoring business). I’ve begun to downsize, cutting back on spending, cleaning up my credit history, and most important I know how I want my retirement to look like, feel like, and where I want to retire. I plan to use my skills and experience in Education to offer my

services as a tutor working on my own time for extra income and to stay active. Oh, and the most exciting part of this vision I am building a tiny house. On the road to retirement I will continue my love of traveling ( once this coronavirus is under control), saving, blogging, writing books, and all the other activities that bring me joy. It’s been years since I’ve been excited about a plan that I can actually visualize becoming a reality. 

So my question to you is Resolutions, Bucket List or Vision Board?

Thank you for stopping by Dragthepen

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