Individual versus the Group

Dear Readers, just because you belong to a group doesn’t mean you stop being an individual.

Photo by Helena Lopes on Pexels.com

Recently, I had an experience that taught me a profound lesson. The experience wasn’t tragic, but it lasted long enough for me to understand that it was time to disconnect, step back, get still, turn inward and have a deep conversation with my inner self. The old me would have reacted differently and became angry, and ranted about the experience to anyone who would listen to me playing the role of the victim. The old me would have carried my anger around like a badge of honor for my wounds. But I am not that person anymore and I have learned to step back and critically think about an occurrence that my mind and heart want to immediately conclude as negative.

So, what did I do? I spent a week in silence, meaning, no TV, no soical media, no chatting on the phone, and I didn’t mention the incident to anyone. I journaled, prayed, and kept silent. On the 3rd day of my silence, I arrived at the conclusion that the incident brought attention to an area of my life that I wasn’t nurturing. What I’ve learned is that I need to pay attention to my behavior and thinking when I am in a group setting, more important pay attention how I attach myself to this group. Humans naturally have an instinct to want to belong, no one wants to feel left out. However, it is out of habit that when people join a group, team, organization, or tribe, whatever name you give to your people. It is good to connect to like minded people, but be careful that you don’t make a habit of changing your mindset or behavior to match that of the group because you want to belong.

The group is an amazing collection of ages, culturally mixed and like minded. Since being in the presence of this group I discovered that I am not as depressed as I use to I be. I am surrounded by loving people who verbally express and show love, and when we meet usually twice a week it is am amazing celebration. I often leave our meetings happy and looking forward to the next meeting. The incident that happened singled me out, but only a few people witnessed the interaction. It left me wondering why me? I have found my tribe, why me? I wasn’t going to play the pitty game, and I didn’t feel the need to confront the other person. I am glad that I simply took a step back and examined what really happened.

I know that your asking yourself, am I going back to the group? Yes, I am going back with new knowledge and better awareness. It was a teaching moment that lead me to examine who I am.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen ❤️

Victim I am Not

Dear Readers,

Lately, I’ve been thinking that maybe I should rethink what it means to be a victim. Let me explain, once upon a time about 26 years, I escaped a violent marriage, and before that at the age of 18, I was abandoned by my son’s father. There was a time in my life I spent years experimenting with drugs and heavy drinking, but I got clean and sober. While I was going through years of therapy and the healing process, I was told by the professionals, that I was a victim of domestic volience, a victim of drug abuse and I was victimized by my son’s father, and all of these experiences resulted in me being a survivor.

So, each time I told my story I used the words victim or survivor. Recently, I began to think about what being a victim means to me. I admit that I did survive all of the previous mentioned experiences and not only did I survive, but I thrived, and learned valuable lessons from each experience, no matter how painful and that’s putting it nicely. But the knowledge made me stronger, and helped me to mature into a emotionally balanced person.

I don’t want to think of myself as a victim or survivor, but a conqueror. I admit that there were times in my life when I felt so low and broken that I didn’t think I could ever make a come back. I did more than make a come back, I soared past the limitations that was placed on me.

Unlike the individuals who consider themselves victims or survivors, I do not carry battle scares and my wounds have healed years ago. I stop volunteering to speak about the years of mental, verbal, and emotional abuse by my Ex. And, I am happy to report that my son has matured into am amazing man of valor. Lately, I dare not go back to abusing myself with alcohol because I like being sober.

I once was a victim, but I survived, thrived, overcame, and conquered. We should be careful when labeling individuals a victim. If people continue to hear the word victim, they may never understand that beginning a victim isn’t forever, and that being a survivor means they want to be a conqueror, and not relive what made them a victim.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen

Let’s be Friends

Dear readers,

Think about this. That very person or persons that you”v been through thick and thin, birthdays, weddings, babies, death, laughter, borrowed the car, slept in their house, deep connection with family. But, there will be one occasion that the so-called FRIEND will show you that you were just a means to an end. This is a painful lesson.

WHAT SAY YOU?