Be the person who you want to date or marry.

Relationship Experts. True or False

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Have you noticed the new movement of motivational speakers and relationship experts who claim their sole purpose is to help people discover the hidden secrets of how to have a loving and lasting intimate relationships. There are thousands of books and videos posted on soical media by these self proclaimed relationship experts who earn income form speaking engagements, books and relationship workshops all at the expense of broken hearts and lost souls searching for love.

Women are pouring into relationship conferences that charge a fee to hear what they are doing wrong in their relationships, and how to attract the right partner. I’ve been unsuccessful in love, so I began to pay attention to these relationship experts, and invested money in books and workshops. For the most part I found some of the information useful and discovered areas in my life that needed improvement. But, I am not going to shoulder all the blame for not having successful relationships. Why? Because overtime while attending these relationship workshops I began to notice a trend, most experts heaped the blame for failed relationships on women.

The ideology of these experts seems to centered around advising women to be better, raise their standards, don’t date out side their league, stop chasing men, stop making life easy for men, stop having sex, stop wanting marriage, and wait for the man to make the first move. There theory is that It is the duty of women to guard their virginity because men don’t women who’ve been around the block too many times. Men want good girls, you know the saying, ” sugar and spice and everything nice.” While being a nice girl, women should concentrate on securing an education, building a career, and a solid credit score, and finances in preparation for Prince Charming. And when he comes all her aspiration should shift to serving her family and creating a happy home. I say, most of their expert advice is ” B. S.” and sexism.

Most of the dating resources and advice claim that woman are not supposed to change the rules of dating. A womans position is to be meek, humble, submissive, and attentive to her mans needs. Some relationship experts explain that women contribute to the deterioration of a relationship due to them pursuing careers over a relationship, marriage and children. The experts also suggest that most men leave their homes or have outside relationships because their current partner is not meeting their needs.

I won’t bore you with a list of books, YouTube channels, and podcasts focused on educating women in the ways of how to get and keep a man. I don’t want my readers to think that I am discouraging women from seeking advice to help them find a partner or to save a failing relationship. I am suggesting” let the buyer beware” before dooming themselves to a life of being a spinster. Ladies decide for yourself the information that will or will not be helpful because the bottom line is it takes two to tangle.

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Thank you for stopping by dragthepen ❤️

It Made a Difference

This weekend while keeping watch on hurricane Henri, I had the pleasure of staying with my bestfriend and his mother for three days.We cooked, played music and card games, watched movies and took random naps.

I’ve lived alone for twenty-four years, and enjoy my peace, space, alone time, and having my own bathroom. Living with people has been a difficult experience either I find others to be noisy, sloppy, and they have too many guest over. When I was dating I felt uncomfortable when my boo asked to sleep over. I couldn’t wait for him to leave to change the sheets, clean the bathroom, open the windows letting fresh air in, thus returning the house back to it’s normal state.

On occasions I don’t mind cooking and inviting family and friends over. The truth is I thought that I had adjusted to being alone because it made life easier. Lately, I’ve been feeling the need for companionship, and decided to look into adopting a small dog. In the meantime, here’s what I’ve learned from my three day stay at my BFF’ house.

I think It’s time to find someone compatible to live with, I don’t believe in the theory that opposites attract. I don’t desire to live alone into my golden years, because being alone into old age means no one to share meals with or talk about our day, share dreams and accomplish goals together. There is no laugher, hugs, shared chores, or someone to hurry home to.

To achieve my goal of filling my house with the joys of happily ever after; I first have to overcome my fear of dating.The burden of my past trumatic relationships that hinders me from getting back into the dating game. Some men want to move too fast or they’re looking for intimacy without a desire for a long term committed relationship.

My three day stay reminded me of how happy, loving and warm a home can be when the rights souls occupy it.

Born of a Woman part 2

Dear Readers,

By the way… Continuing on the subject of the shady treatment towards  women. Let me further explain when women say, ” they don’t need a man or they prefer not to be in a relationship”. Women are not confused, insane, a lesbian, or  to trying to be a man, these are some of the judgments society use against women who choose to opt out of engaging in relationships that do not honor them.

Usually, women who desire to be alone or find strength in a sisterhood are women who have experienced  molestation at the hands of male family members, or experienced abusive relationships, and their wounds are deep and difficult to heal. There are women who have been cheated on and stranded in financial situations with children that caused them to find unpleasant means to survive. Women are at the end of their rope they are emotionally and mentally broken, and spiritual bankrupted by men who have ran so much game on them that they lost faith in any relationship being real.

Hello men of this world, let the truth be told. Women seek truth, warmth, emotional closeness, support, communication, monogamy, protection, and real guidance ( not a dictatorship). Women desire to be in partnerships that support their emotional and intellectual, and personal growth.

Women are fed up with being sexual objects, baby mothers, common law wives or live in partnerships without the benefits of being honored as a wife. Women are discovering  the joy and fulfillment in being single, acquiring an education, earning higher incomes, traveling, and discovering hidden talents that they turn into businesses. Women desire to have their voices heard and their concerns taken seriously.

Women are moving forward without men, and each time we are pushed back the harder we come back.

The wait is over the choice is yours. Thank you for stopping by Drathepen.

Thoughts from the Mad Dater

Its Sunday, a beautiful warm spring day in New York City.  There are many events taking place throughout the five boroughs. I want to go out and explore, instead of staying home alone doing the same old things. While writing this  I am sitting in my back yard, sipping coffee, and reminiscing about the things I miss about having Him in my life. Things like planning date night or a weekend getaway. The excitement of time spend with Him deepening  the bond between us. I miss having Him make the coffee, and cooking weekend breakfast together. Doing the Sunday Times crossword puzzle with Him, instead of with the computer or dictionary.

Today is a good day for strolling through the park or a street fair holding hands with Him. I miss eating brunch and laughing at His corny jokes.. I don’t get flowers anymore, of course I buy them for myself; but,  I miss getting flowers from Him just because…. I’ve spent many weekends, Valentines days, holidays, weddings and other family gathers, watching couples smiling, laughing, sharing warmth and love; and I wonder, when will I meet the one that is just right for me? To hug Him at the end of  the day, to have His smile greet  me at the start of the day. Him, my best friend, confidant, my road dog, partner in crime, my equal, my lover, and husband. Him.

Dear Readers, if you have that someone special in your life, never take them for granted, love and always forgive the little things, hold hands, share hugs when ever possible, remember why you were attracted to them, and make every moment count because LONELINESS IS A KILLER.

WHAT SAY YOU?

For These Reasons

Dear readers,

I am a firm believer that people aren’t meant to be alone. When I say alone I am referring to being without a capable partner. Being alone in today’s society is a choice that more and more people are making because they not open to the unnecessary relationship drama. Let me clarify this statement a good long-term relationship takes effort, time, work and a lot of energy. Both partners must be willing to commit to working on their own personal growth, while supporting the foundation of their partnership. There will be certain aspects of a relationship that needs more work than other areas. If SACRIFICES have to be made it should be done for the improvement of the partnership, and no one person should feel that his or her needs are not being given equal attention this is called BALANCE. When a couple decides to cohabitate, there should not be a division of responsible based on GENDER. Yes, there will be things that your partner is better at doing such as laundry, and that’s ok.  In the house that I was raised there was no labeling of women chores versus what a man should and should not do in the home. My father’s theory was that men should contribute in the home as way means to show support, respect and love for his wife. In this way they model for their children how a family unit work together as a team.

Communication between a man and women should be done on an open and fair level. I do not take kindly to my partner raising his voice at me and taking to me in a tone of a parent or   using profanity Remember harsh words that are said in the heat of anger are the words that hurt the most and they cause irreversible damage. A person can forgive but they will never forget. Relationships have changes because of misconceptions, unreasonable expectations, and learnt dysfunctional behavior. We have society of broken of men and women who have been abused played games, experienced deception by people they trust, lack love, compassion, and there is a shortage of individuals who desire to commit to an old-fashioned monogamous relationship. These factors and more have contribute to people throwing up their hands in submission and surrendering to being without a partner. I have seen an increase in people who prefer to adapt a pet then to become entangled with the unnecessary drama a relationship. And this is where I find myself, I am not weary of being without a partner, and yes, I have a dog named jo-jo, who greets me every morning and evening with excitement and love in his heart. Don’t get me wrong our partnership as owner and pet is not a perfect one. We have out days when he barks a little louder than usual and I cross my arms and stand my ground. There are days when he wants me to get up early because he wants to go out. There are days that he begs for some table scraps and I give in. But we have an unspoken bond. I take care of him, respect his space, give him my undivided attention when he is barking louder than usual, and in return I have a best friend for as long as life will allow us. Now who would want this?

What Say you?

Don’t forget to watch my Youtuve channel: Conversations with J. F. Floyd

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Greetings from the mad Dater

Dear readers,

Stay tuned for my next exciting topic: Things fall Apart: Why people in inmate relationships such as: legal marriages, co-habitation, common law, or partnership, grow apart, cheat… you get where I’m going with this topic?

What Say You?