Let’s Have that Conversation.

Dear Readers

A few words from Dragthepen

What do you do when you’re feeling sad, frustrated, angry, disappointed, hopeless, depressed, lonely, heartbroken, grieving through emotional brokenness, confusion, and experiencing crying spells? Sounds Familiar? 

I have news for you: these are human emotions and it’s ok for you to take time to work through them. What’s not ok is abusing others because you’re in pain. May I suggest that you take a moment to breathe, reflect, and add Self Care during your temporary moment of emotional or mental breakdown. 

Stop being hard on yourself and understand that you’re doing the best you can with what you have. Oh, by the way, do not allow others to tell you that “you’re strong and you can make it through” these are words that people who are struggling through a temporary breakdown do not need to hear. What they need is s nonjudgmental shoulder to cry, a good listener, space, and some quiet time.   

SELF CARE IS THE BEST CARE BECAUSE YOU MATTER.

SELF CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Readers. This year I will be discussing various aspects of self-care and mental health.

Photo by Taryn Elliott on Pexels.com

People say that ” self-care is the best care”. I say, we in a society where we don’t have meaningful conversations about and how to enforce self-care thus taking supporting our mental health on a daily basis. We talk about mental health and protecting our peace, but how can we protect our peace when we lack good self-care practices? 

What is your mental health worth to you? Think about some of these points while you’re grinding yourself into exhaustion and developing poor eating and sleep habits. 

Do you lack a productive social life and I am not referring to Happy Hour. Is family time something you avoid or take time to plan for the wellbeing of your family’s emotional and mental health? 

How many people reading this will admit that they are overwhelmed at home and overworked at the job. 

You feel drained, angry, have become an emotional eater, gain weight, lost weight due to stress, and are short tempered.

Have you allowed your mental and emotional health to suffer due to remaining in dysfunction relationships? When I say relationships, this includes intimate situations, family, and friends.

People bottom line we all need down time, alone time, spa day, a weekend getaway, and a night out on the town. We need to laugh more, increase our listening skills, and practice disconnecting  from technology and all social media, and have old fashion conversations. 

I am going to leave that right there. Throughout 2023 I will be offering suggestions like, good books to read on self-care, reminding you to step back and take some down time and more topics on the importance of good self-care and mental health practice.  

Self-Matters

Dear Readers, A word from dragthepen A.K.A. J. R. creator of Conversations with J. R. Floyd. Be careful when you allow family, friends and others to dictate the path of your life or behavior. Recently, I was mentally, emotionally and physically burning out, but people kept telling me to push through, or your strong you can handle it. I was advised by my circle of girlfriend if I had a man life wouldn’t be as difficult. At the end of October, I completed a 14 day fast, and talked to God. Then I took a three-day mental break. Moving forward…the smoke has cleared, and I have clarity and arrived at this conclusion that some people, places and things need to be removed from my life. Lighting the load means more time for the things that matters to me. SELF CARE AND YOUR MENTAL HEALTH MATTERS. 

WHAT SAY YOU?

The Choice Is Yours

Dear Readers,

Dear Readers, in 2018 I made the discussion to end my engagement. The choice was painful, l had to be honest with myself I was going into the marriage for all the wrong reasons. For a period of time, I felt lost, broken, unloved and unwanted. I decided to journal my way through the healing process and what I’ve discovered about myself was life changing. The biggest lesson I don’t have to settle to be happy. Read 90 Days of Reflection, Discovery & Renewal.

The Conversation is a collection of my short stories, poems, my award-winning play and an intimate conversation with my mother.

Both books are available on Amazon.

Did You Understand the Assignment?

my best buddy Peanut

Dear Readers,

Do not close your heart to LOVE. I do not know your experiences because I have not lived your life. I do not know who disappointed, neglect, abused, used, cheated, and committed acts of violence against you, that is not LOVE. I know that it is difficult to heal from the trauma of physical and emotional abuse. I know that what people do not see on the outside is broken on the inside. I know that it is not easy to bounce back from the cycle of dysfunctional relationships. But do not give up on LOVE.

I agree that you should protect yourself from people who have no good intentions towards you. I agree that you should guard you heart, mind, body, and soul from people who will drain you of kindness, compassion, and authentic LOVE. But, if you build a wall around your heart high and tight, shutting yourself away from engaging in social setting that will help you to heal, laugh, smile and to hope; you are robbing yourself of the chance encounter of meeting the one person who will give you authentic LOVE.

When you shelter your heart and mind locking yourself away soaking in the pain of the past, this will result in becoming a bitter, angry, resentful, sad, lonely, and depressed person. I agree that it scary this complicated world of TRUST and LOVE. It is saddening to observe the high number of people who live alone because they choose to give Love only to have their life devastated by an individual whose purpose was to steal, kill, abuse, and destroy 💔because they did not understand the assignment of LOVE.

I was young when I gave my heart away. And after years of dysfunctional relationships and living a life of trauma and emotional brokenness; thankfully, I found the path to healing, forgiveness of myself and other it has been a difficult but necessary journey. I am that person who have built the wall locking myself away from the evil hands and cruel heart of the wolves in sheep clothing. It is a lonely existence, but I feel safe. I long for the joys of companionship, the touch, kindness and warm of another loving human. Life is different when it is just one. I hope that one day that I will meet the one who understand the true assignment of LOVE ❤.

Thank you for stopping by Dragthepen.

WHO SAID YOU HAVE TO CHANGE?

dragthepen aka conversations with J. R. Floyd

Dear Readers, 

It is not your responsibility to change someone or make them into someone different. People are capable of change, but that should be their decision. When we encounter people, the choice is to either accept them for who they are or move on. I know that it is not easy learning to deal with other people’s pet peeves, faults, and what we see as habits. Ladies there is no prince charming so get your head out of the fairy tales, and rethink revising that long wish list of requirements for what you think will be the perfect mate. Men stop fantasizing about Beyonce or Kim Kardashian. Those are plastic Barbie dolls surgical enhanced superficial women who will not look twice at your sagging belly and receding hairline. People snap out of your daydreams and look at the person in front of you growing with disappointment because you wish she or he would change. 

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be with a physically attractive person, however sometimes beautiful people come with ugly souls and bad characteristics. It is not our responsibility to nag people into becoming the ideal mate according to the impossible Standards of beauty and materialistic needs. I have learned from years of bad choices and reading and believing self-help relationship books about ” how to have the man of my dreams” for years I worked out and starved myself to create a body that men would like, only to be ignored and ill-treated. Do not feel sorry for me this was my fault, why, because the men I encountered did not asked me to change. If they were getting their needs met, they did not care about changing me because I was already what they wanted weak and desperate.

I spent thousands on clothes, hair, make up, lingerie and time and energy to improve myself to be better, so when my prince arrived there would be nothing about me that needed to change or improve. Oh, how shallow was my thinking. I was preoccupied with my outer appearance that I was not paying attention to the fact that I was suffering from low self-worth. When people struggle with low self-esteem and self-worth that is when others prey upon them because people who struggle with lack of self-confidence will allow people to change them because of the desperation to be like, love and belong.

I strived and arrived at the age of fifty-eight. Learned many lessons through difficult experiences that did make me stronger, wiser, and proceeding with caution. I do not wish for people to change to suit me because I have learned to let people be who they are and keep checking on who I am. Remember the saying, ” be careful what you wish for because you just might get it”. When you create the monster, you must learn to live with what you created.

Are You in Over Your Head?

Dear Readers,

Photo by Rifqi Ramadhan on Pexels.com

Balance is a simple word. It means to distribute weight evenly. Recently I forced myself to slow down by rearranging my schedule due to feeling overwhelmed.  Each passing day I began to declutter my schedule and gain a better perspective on how to solve the issue of rushing, and not getting enough rest.  The rest I am referring to isn’t about the recommended 7-8 of sleep. I mean resting from that never ending To Do List. 

The last two years I’ve examined the quality of activities in my life, and made some changes. First, I do not volunteer my time for anything unless I am benefiting from the activity. I no longer say yes to any requests unless I review my calendar. I stopped cramming my calendar with activities. In other words, what I did not need in my schedule is more activities, instead take the activities I do have an add Balance. 

I am preparing for retirement and I need the time to explore and research my plan to relocate and build a tiny house. At this stage of my life I no longer feel the need or have the energy to Grind. I have noticed as I am advancing in age my mind and body are no longer willing to cooperate with me working 16 hour days. What I need more of is Balance and Consistency in making the quality of my life a priority. 

I do not need to add more tasks to my To Do List. I need to practice Balance. Being busy doesn’t mean productivity. Have you ever stopped to question what you’re busy doing and why? I have recreated my To Do List into five areas of my life: health, worship, finances, rest, and retirement. The goal is to  prioritize these five areas and Balance my time to give equality and quality to the goals I want to achieve in these areas. For example, in the area of Rest, I have been traveling more and taking weekend mental breaks by staying at an airbnb. The more I take weekend breaks from the same routines I feel energized, refreshed and I have more clarity. 

It’s so easy to lose sight of the demands we place on these human bodies. When was the last time you paid attention to how mentally and emotionally drained your feelings? Society tells us to be positive, push through, be strong and that multitasking is good. What I observe is a population of people who are exhausted, angry, eating poorly, rushing from one activity to the next, not enough quality time spent at home, and taking less and less time for mental breaks and vacations. 

Declutter your schedule, home and workspace. Throw out that never ending To Do List. Cancel the bucket list. Create a Life List. Take time to critically think why you’re feeling overwhelmed. How do you rest?  How is your mental and emotional health? Don’t you think it’s worth taking time to slow down and practice Balance, Consistency and adding some peace and joy into your life. 

Thank you for stopping by Dragthepen

I Don’t Miss The Chaos

Dear Readers,

People often say, ” it’s the little things that matter.” I say the little things become the best parts of our lives. I often write about how grateful I am to experience living in peace, and for some people experiencing peace might not be such a big deal. On the contrary, for me reaching a level of clarity and understanding of how drama from outside and inside my home contributed to me sinking into depression is a very big discovery. As long as I have known myself, my life have been one long tragedy, and I didn’t know how or when I was going to get off the wild roller coaster of one traumatic experience after another. It seemed like I was a magnet for chaos. But I digress, today’s post isn’t about the emotional damage of depression, but how I’ve achieved inner peace, maintain a healthy emotional and mental balance, and why I am determined to protect the peace in my life.

I use to mistake the peace in my home as loinliness and a punishment for not settling for abusive and unhappy. relationships. I thought that the peace in my home was the costly price I’ve paid for choosing my emotional healing. I took for granted that the peace in my home was a means of me being selfish because I didn’t want others, especially a man to intrude, so I shut my doors keeping them out.

Some people think of me as being odd, an introvert, difficult to get along with, secretive, strange, and some say sneaky. I make no apologies I’ve changed, no I have been transformed, and I can’t run with the same pack anymore. In the presence of peace my creative mind is free of chatter and distractions of other people’s needs. In the moments of peace I soak in the presence of my own company, kicking up my feet and enjoying the sound of my own laugher because there is no one around to tell me that I am too loud.

My peace means freedom from the burdens of being criticize for being too much or not enough. My freedom means that I can choose to be or not to be. My peace is healing making me stronger, self reliance, and in my strength I am capable of achieving my goals, and to create the life I deserve without the burden of him or them reminding me of my limitations or should I say the limitations that others were placing on me. I respect and own my peace and freedom because I know the burden of living and only knowing chaos and dysfunctional environments. At my worse I know that there was another way to live, but I didn’t know how to get to the other side.

I write and share about my experiences because I know that there are others out there who are struggling to find peace in their homes and in their lives. There are people who claim to have it all, the home, career, money and the perfect relationship, but that’s only what we see on the outside. I personally know people who are glad for soical media to use as a means to fake and escape their unhappiness. I can’t tell you the countless times people have said to me, ” they wish for a little peace and alone time” or that ” they should have made better choices” and the big one,
” if they could turn back the hands of time they would live life differently.” Today, I am overjoyed that I am not one of those people, and l and don’t take for granted that I have the chance to live a better quality of life.

In the presence of my peace, I take my time making well throughout decisions. I don’t open the door inviting everyone into my life because I think that they are good people. My home is not just walls and floors it’s sacrificed. Everything in my home has meaning the colors, smells, the food I cook, and even the manner I clean my home represents me on the inside and outside, and all the people who I chose to enter my home will be a representative of my peace.

To be honest I never thought that I would see the day when I would be in a position of peace. And from where I sit it’s a beautiful place to be.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen.

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