Individual versus the Group

Dear Readers, just because you belong to a group doesn’t mean you stop being an individual.

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Recently, I had an experience that taught me a profound lesson. The experience wasn’t tragic, but it lasted long enough for me to understand that it was time to disconnect, step back, get still, turn inward and have a deep conversation with my inner self. The old me would have reacted differently and became angry, and ranted about the experience to anyone who would listen to me playing the role of the victim. The old me would have carried my anger around like a badge of honor for my wounds. But I am not that person anymore and I have learned to step back and critically think about an occurrence that my mind and heart want to immediately conclude as negative.

So, what did I do? I spent a week in silence, meaning, no TV, no soical media, no chatting on the phone, and I didn’t mention the incident to anyone. I journaled, prayed, and kept silent. On the 3rd day of my silence, I arrived at the conclusion that the incident brought attention to an area of my life that I wasn’t nurturing. What I’ve learned is that I need to pay attention to my behavior and thinking when I am in a group setting, more important pay attention how I attach myself to this group. Humans naturally have an instinct to want to belong, no one wants to feel left out. However, it is out of habit that when people join a group, team, organization, or tribe, whatever name you give to your people. It is good to connect to like minded people, but be careful that you don’t make a habit of changing your mindset or behavior to match that of the group because you want to belong.

The group is an amazing collection of ages, culturally mixed and like minded. Since being in the presence of this group I discovered that I am not as depressed as I use to I be. I am surrounded by loving people who verbally express and show love, and when we meet usually twice a week it is am amazing celebration. I often leave our meetings happy and looking forward to the next meeting. The incident that happened singled me out, but only a few people witnessed the interaction. It left me wondering why me? I have found my tribe, why me? I wasn’t going to play the pitty game, and I didn’t feel the need to confront the other person. I am glad that I simply took a step back and examined what really happened.

I know that your asking yourself, am I going back to the group? Yes, I am going back with new knowledge and better awareness. It was a teaching moment that lead me to examine who I am.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen ❤️

Confessions of the Virus

One of the most difficult aspects of this pandemic is not the temporary loneliness, or the occasional overeating, the periodic boredom, or the wondering when will this be over, for me it is the absence of closeness. We live in a society that thrives on having personal space, in our homes we desire to have our own room, so we can close the door and keep others out. Some people often find themselves hiding in basements, closets or even the bathroom to escape people. 

We are told to seek quiet time to slow down and learn to enjoy our own company. Some parents often teach their children how to play alone. In the process these children invent imaginary friends or they cling to their favorite doll or stuffed animal for comfort. 

I am a proud Introvert and over the course of my life I have learned how to live with others who understand my need for quiet time and to dwell in a clean organized environment. We all have some area of life that is deeply impacted by this period of social distance. I miss the closeness of  being near people without fear. 

I miss sitting in the kitchen with my mom sipping coffee and catching up on life. I miss the hugs from family members, yes we are hugers. I teach college students and often they would initiate the invitation for a hug. I miss the intimacy of holding hands with a friend. I miss sneaking a gentle pinch from the cheek of a sweet plump baby. I especially miss the voices and camaraderie of my weekly chorus. 

Although some restrictions have been lifted and people are going out to enjoy meeting up, however, there is still that sense of being careful to connect but not fully. I spent this entire pandemic living alone; very few people stop by to do a wellness check. I am grateful for the few times I have ventured out to meet friends for dinner, coffee, or to attend a church service. I haven’t been to a mall, department store or to the movies; or any other place that I fear maybe a crowd of people.

I am thankful for spring and I’ ve made a trip to the mountains and it felt amazing to connect with nature, but I was alone. In July I am planning a cross country drive from New York to California. I am so excited because this is something I have dreamed of doing. While compiling my packing list I  remembered to add some extra items like, Lysol spray and wipes, extra masks,  rubber gloves, and hand sanitizer. I am excited, but how well I know that voice of caution will be with me whispering, have fun, but be safe.

The Sweet Smell of Peace

Dear Readers, 

Since we’ve been under the order to socially disconnect these are some words, emotions, and feelings people are expressing either verbally or posted on social media. Anger, panic, fear, disbelief, shock, depression, sadness, worry, uncertainly, outrage, and not to mention sleepless nights.The one word I don’t hear anyone verbalizing is PEACE. Today, my mission is to uplift you and to be the voice of HOPE.

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When life becomes a little chaotic, take a moment and say the word PEACE. When PANIC starts to smother you breathe and think PEACE. If  ANGER, FRUSTRATION, and CONFUSION cloud your mind scream out the word PEACE. We seem to live in a time of SADNESS, DEPRESSION, WORRY, and UNCERTAINTY that leads to sleepless nights. 

Take a moment to be still and breathe in the sweet smell of PEACE. 

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The Healing process

Dear Readers,

A part of the healing process is to acknowledge when your overwhelmed by the emotions your working through. Creating a daily routine keeps you busy and sometime you can get lost in begin busy that you don’t pay attention to the emotions and the grief that eventually will caught up with you. I spent this past year focusing on pushing my brand ” Conversations with J. R. Floyd” I wrote a third book, created a new website, appear live on Facebook, and kept my you tube channel current. I  journal, read books, and watched 100ths of motivational speakers. I fasted and prayed, but I wouldn’t allow myself to cry because I felt this would show weakness. Today, is the day that my strong shoulders became weak, the emotions caught up to me and I finally had that cry. It is a relief to acknowledge what I feel and what I have been busy running from. So, now it is time for me to step back from my brand and focus on my emotional and physical health and the fact that I am going to make a career change in 2020. Thank you for your support. I will be back. 💖

The me you didn’t know

Dear Readers,

I am posting this vblog in response to a question from one of my viewers. Every Thursday @ 8pm I go live on Facebook for my show Conversations with J. R. Floyd, each week I explore a relationship topic. The question the viewer ask is “since I am currently not in a relationship why do I feel that I am the best person to talk about relationship issues.” (this is a direct quote)

Join me  live on Facebook,  Thursdays @ 8pm for Conversation with J. R. Floyd. I invite you to subscribe to my You Tube channel. Conversations with J. R. Floyd.

Thank you for watching.