Today is that day. You know the day you just can’t seem to hold life together. People say push through, but why? Today, I can’t just push through. Sometimes pushing through causes more harm than good. Today, is the day that I need to step back and work through this mist of fog.
I have been digging in and plowing through for months. Day by day, pushing down the emotional waves that threaten to overwhelm me, holding back tears, smiling, laughing, when I really want to scream out and crawl in a corner and be left alone. Having private conversations with that voice in my head, whispering ” I am okay”. Today, I am not ok. I think about the thousands of people who go through life faking the funk lying to themselves about being “ok”, afraid of having a break down because people will judged them for being weak. Shame on us for creating a society where its not good to admit that ” I am not okay”.
Today, is my day to feel the emotional waves and let them do what they do. Today, is the day for the tears to flow. Today, is the day for me to admit to the voice in my head that I am exhausted, depressed, and that I feel the pain of loneliness and isolation from friends and family. Today, I will lay in bed with the breakfast, while organzing my personal projects. I will quite my mind by reading and siping a glass of merlot. Awww the pleasures of life are short lived. I am counting the days until the month of June ends, and looking forward to my vacation to California. In the meantime, at the close of this day I will take a warm bubble bath, indulging in a mani- pedi, burn my favorite candle ( vanilla) and prepare my mind and body to face the next day.
Thank you for reading💖
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