It started at the age of 30. I secured my freedom on the road to becoming self-sufficient. The delicious thrill of being on my own, living, thinking and having time for me.
I was married at the age of 24. The first two years was stella. The last four years were like scenes from Dante’s Inferno. At the age of 30 with the help of my family and friends I escaped.
Twenty three years later, four degrees, one self-published novel, three successful seasons singing first Soprano with the New York City Downtown Chorus, and a supporting role in the Christian play “Oh Lord Why did I get Married?”
Hooray you say job well done.
So, why do I feel like a failure? Years of working three-part time jobs to pay for college and to keep a roof over my head. The end results I haven’t gotten that high paying dream career I worked so diligently to have.
I thought at this stage I would have a better partner to settle into a long-term loving relationship. Another pipe dream lost. The final blow I live in a state (New York City) where the landlord’s greed rules and even though everyone’s money is the color of green, if a person is white and can pay higher rent they are privileged to live in the best neighborhoods.
I am faced with making the choice of sharing an apartment after living in my own space for twenty-three years. I ask myself over and over, How can I co-habitate with a stranger? I am a clean freak, who likes a quite home, a peaceful home is important for me to keep my sanity.
OMG. The fear of seeing someone’s boyfriend coming out of the bathroom in his underwear. Someone eating my food or secretly going through my belongings. The real estate market is such that living on one’s own would require working a tremendous number of hours to cover the rent alone.
Today, I had an appointment at a roommate finders’ agency, the realtor asked me” what am I willing to give up to acquire a place where I can have all my belongings with me, and to make a fresh start.”
At this present moment, I don’t know how to answer that question.
What say you?
I live in New York City. Yes, the big rotten apple. I’m among the millions of city dwellers who rely on public transportation. There are days when my ride is quiet and pleasant, but today wasn’t that day.
I LEFT MY HEAD PHONES HOME!
My one hour & fifteen minute commute quickly turned into the ride from hell. There is nothing enjoyable about hearing children screeching for attention from parents who are occupied by their cell phones. Or hearing five different loud conversations by people who are in close proximity. Myself and other passengers were entertained by a Bible toting christian yelling, ” You must be saved” for fifteen minutes. Than there was the paraded of people shaking their cups, to the tune of ” Spare change.” I arrived at my destination mentally drained . I bolted to the nearest souvenir shop to buy headphones for the commute back home.
Headphones on New York City MTA. Priceless!
What Say You?