Rebirth

Dear Readers,  Two years, I embarked on a journey of healing due to many failed relationships. As a result I have leaned a great deal about myself and how I have contributed to these failed unions. During the the 720 days spent on self care, reading books, yoga, meditation, sitting in silence  and other forms of healing; I wrote 90 journal entries in 90 days of intense thinking. I choose to publish my journal into a book: 90 days of Reflection, discovery and Renewal…..release date for my birthday March 25, 2020. This 90 days of reflection, discovery, and renewal is a personal journey of deep contemplation and a search for answers to a life in a constant battle with tragedy, depression, and hopelessness. For some people hitting a brick wall knocks the life out of them. My collision lead to a level of clarity to understand how unnecessary distractions and being unaware caused my life to veer of course. My experiences have taught me that sometimes a second chance can lead to a new beginning.

Image may contain: bird

 

Since my troubles started because of relationship drama what I learned from this two year journey of healing. I no longer invite men to sleep over because my bed is my scared space. I stopped having house dates, and Netflix chill nights. I require men to call instead of texting me. Date night has to be at a decent time. I no longer except late night calls. I require to be picked up at my door and returned to my residence without the expectation of being asked to come in. I am no longer a wife in waiting as so many are sitting around waiting for Mr. Right. Done that rode that horse and was thrown to the ground too many times. I am thankful for the lessons I have learned. I choose to spend the remaining days of my life making myself priority number 1, focus on my spiritual growth, and getting close to my grandchildren. Deeply thankful that relationships with men are no longer an🥂 intrusion in my life.

 

 The Waiting game is book that challenges the relationship myths women are expected to follow and can be beneficial to men as well because it opens up our perspective on relationships and how women really feel. Great read so far. I suggest checking it out on Amazon.
👉🏽The Waiting Game 

Dry Spells, the Myth

Dear Readers,

Ladies and gentlemen todays topic is the myth of the ” Dry Spell”. This is the label give to the period between relationships and it’s mostly directed towards women. Ladies there is no dry spell.  First, why are so many women running backs and forth between so many relationship and situationships that’s not working? Second, aren’t you drained from all of the mental, physical and financial  stress and drama  brought on from being in the wrong relationship?

Getting back to the subject of ” Dry Spell” ladies think about how many times you’ve verbalized being depressed, stressed, frustrated, confused, sad, unhappy, drained, only to hear this feed back ” what you need is to relieves your pinned up emotions  by having sex” the world seems that we only run on two modes, need sex or having out menstrual cycle. Why are women being told to solve their emotional distress and other life problems  by having sex?

Why are we supporting women especially,  young girls, to go out and  give their bodies away?

Watch my latest video and let me here from you?

The Waiting Game

TWG Cover

Dear Readers:

Some people say waiting is a part of life. I say it depends on what you’re waiting for and why. With that said, I apologize to my patient supporters who’ve encouraged me through the entire penning of my book. Due to technical difficulties beyond my control, I was unable to meet my publishing deadline on August 24, 2015.  In the meantime, while I am fixing things behind the scenes, please enjoy this sneak preview of my memoir.

“The Waiting Game” details the relationship myths that women hear about through the generations. Women are taught that men are not attracted to strong women, and that a woman’s primary role in society is to get the man and keep him interested. Women have to follow the rules of the game to be successful. Rule one, use prime bait. Rule two, catch the man. Rule three, keep the man no matter what characteristics he possesses.  Any rules after that, the men play the rest of the game. Therefore, if this task is not completed—we fail as women.

Read this and:

Let Your Reminiscence Unfold

Setting the Stage

It is said that if you stop looking for love it will come to you, and if you love someone set them free; if the relationship is meant to be they will come back.  Well, in my case, this saying is a myth. I am a 51-year-old mother of one and grandmother of three. I had one short horrible marriage and several hit and run relationships.

I thought that I once had the love of my life, but he ran for the hills when I mentioned marriage. I found out that most of my lovers moved on to get married and live happy lives. What is so painful about reliving these memories is that none of these men thought that I was wife material or good enough to be the mother of his children.

There is something very evil and disturbing about men who will have sex with you, lie to you, play you like a fiddle, while closing the door in your face.

I had a few of them come back, but I was not smart enough to understand that I was just a layover before they moved on again. What is it about me that I either scare men away, attack losers or men who simply don’t get me?

Most of them came with too many requirements and baggage. Baggage in the form of ex-wives who had not moved on, or ex- girlfriends who had not become the ex. In each relationship, I was expected to change and make adjustments, compromise, give up, give in until I gave out. I was not sexy enough, I did not dress sluttie enough to suit their taste. I was too conservative, too aggressive, and too smart. I did not give enough of myself in bed; in other words, I was not freaky enough.

I played different roles in these relationships. For the men who refused to grow up and cut the apron strings, I had to mother them. Oh and the children; no, not my son, their children. I was the free babysitter so they could go out and hang with the boys.

My biggest role–playing wife without the ring or marriage license. When I think about all the time I wasted cooking, cleaning, washing and organizing their sad lives all in the name of L.O.V.E, I realized that Tina Turner was right: love had nothing to do with what I was going through. It was all for the sole purpose of their self-gratification. Moreover, in the end I was left emotionally confused, physically exhausted, mentally disturbed, and financially broken- exactly what they wanted.

More myths: you are still young, it is not too late, he is out there for you, and you just have not met him yet. Why do people tell you  this when deep down inside what  they really want to say is, “ Girl,  hang up your dating boots, your prince isn’t coming, settle for that frog because at this stage of the game you have to take what you can get; or settle for what’s behind door number three”.

Drum roll please…. and behind door number three we present Miss Lonely.  Yes, most women fear being alone because we have been told being alone is BAD.

Yes, the defect is always with us. It goes something like this: I am alone because I am a nag, hard to get along with, too needy, too fat, too thin, too broke and too independent.

I am selfish, bossy, noisy, fussy, and refuse to have sex 10 times a day. I am too trusting or not trusting enough. Oh, here is the climax: it is my fault that I have been replaced with a better woman. But no, I am not another angry woman as I have been labeled. I am a woman who has arrived at the end of these experiences finally understanding  who I am, where I am going, and knowing how I am going to get there, and what I will and will not put up with and why.  My story is about ignoring the warning signs, such as, when it is time to get out of an abusive relationship. A reminder: abuse does not have to be physical to leave scars. I had to learn how to put the brakes on, make a U-turn, and haul ass in the opposite direction when the drama got too deep.

This is about not lowering standards by accepting the behavior of a serial cheater. By doing so, we women put our health in danger by continuing to have sexual intercourse with him, all because women are told this is all a part of what men do. Well, A.I.D.S kills and herpes is for life, and do you really want to stay with a man who has been labeled community property?

This is about all the bad relationship myths that are damaging to women’s self-esteem and self- respect and undermine us a woman.  This is about living in a society where the double standard motto that “Boys will be Boys” is an accepted norm, while women are expected to put out and shut up.

To the men who have the great fortune and guts to read this book, it is about you understanding that men can be broken, needy, and have parts of them that need to be fixed too. Stop measuring your worth by your penis and start thinking with your brain about the quality of emotional stability, respect, caring, and love that you can give to your partner.

A final note: Men, stop being selfish; a relationship is not all about you.  Women, stop talking to your girlfriends, your mother, his mother, and talk to him, God, or a therapist.

When entering into a relationship, both men and women need to think about what they are doing and why. Nobody likes a player and games are for social activities, not for a relationship.

 

amazon.com/author/rahshemahfloyd

Transition between Relationships

Dear Readers,

What do you  do between relationships, in other words, how much time do you spend alone after ending one relationship before starting another one. Are you one of those people who jump from one relationship to another?  Some people daily routine is to find ” the one” without taking a pause or a moment of reflection in between relationships. It’s saddened me that we live in a society that encourage people to rush to get over one relationship to start a new one. Some people are under the influence of the old myth ” the best way to get over one relationship is to find someone new” BAD, BAD, advice. When you don’t take advantage of a period of reflection between relationships you don’t learn, you don’t grow, you certainly don’t allow yourself time to heal and mature emotionally. This period of reflection should be about you and so much about why the relationship didn’t work. Thank you for watching my video and let me hear from you.

 

Guard your Emotions

 

Dear Readers, its seems that people are concerned with matters of the heart. So they use the saying ” guard your heart” I say guard your emotions. Thank you for watching and don’t forget to subscribe to my You Tube channel: Conversations with J. R. Floyd. Thank your support.

 

 

1+1=1

heart shaped pink and purple flower garden

Photo by shahbaz Akram on Pexels.com

Dear Readers,

It’s been almost a year since I created my YouTube channel Conversations with J. R. Floyd. The bases for creating this channel is to converse about relationship issues, explore men and women empowerment, and teach the foundation of family. When people consent to engage in a partnership it should be based upon capability and the understanding that there should be a certain level of individualism. Meaning maintaining individual identities while developing the partnership. A partnership contains two people with individuals ideas and experiences a partner is a helpmate and should be treated as an equal in all areas of the partnership.

Some people are under the delusion that 1 +1= 1 what kind of math is this? This concept of two people becoming one has been taken out of context people who think this way is because they are insecure and want to place themselves in the position of the controller. In the a partnership there is two individuals with different likes, different political beliefs, eating and sleeping habits this is what is meant by being an individual. I wonder if people pay attention to each other’s habits and behaviors. Instead, they become caught up in the infatuation of sexual lust and other emotions.They become blind to their differences by spending too much time on what makes them compatible ignoring the little pet peeves and faults.

In the beginning of a partnership people pretend to be interested in what their partner is doing, but sooner than later the truth is revealed. Over a period of time one person begins to feel that they are being nagged into joining their significant other in activities what they once said they enjoyed. The myth behind their action is that they went along to impress their partner, and this is where the trouble begins. Another myth, people are taught that whatever their partner is interested they should take part, I say, this is not always true. No one should be dragged and nagged into taking part in activities that they have no interest.

We observe this behavior all around us pay attention the next time you’re at an event or you hear your friend ranting about how they are trying to come up with a plan or an excuse to get out of an activity with their partner but they don’t. People use the excuse that this is what people do when they care about each other, I say, no one should be pushed, bamboozled with guilt into doing things they brings them no joy.

Capability is important and allowing people to be who they are is also equally important to the stability of the partnership. Truly accepting people for who they are without finding way to change them should not be a relationship requirement. I previously said that at the start of the courtship people are not observant of their potential partners habits and interests. People don’t pay attention to what is said and what is not said. I understand it is easy to get caught up in emotions because everything is fresh and new. But this is how many partnership break down and eventually there is a separation. You and your mate are individuals stop trying to rebuild them by taking away their interest or insisting that they change the course of their life and who they are. It is important for the foundation and the longevity of the partnership to respect, support and encourage individual interest while developing common interest as partners. Balance,space, acceptances and capability is important ingredients for a happy partnership.

What say you? Please join me on my YouTube Channel: Conversations with J. R. Floyd

The lost Value of Relationships

Dear Readers,

It no longer takes a village because we live in a world that has lost the  meaning, value and  the foundation of relationships. There is so much separation of people due to race, class and economic status. We tend to view relationships as obligations or as inconvenience if there is nothing to gain. We place requirements and conditions in order to engage in relationships……I say more in this vlog. Thank you for watch.

 

 

Ten Ridiculous Relationship Myths

Dear Readers,

If you are now joining my blog  a few days ago a light bulb went off in my head. I’ve decided to create a You Tube channel, my own little talk show called Conversations from my Couch. This is an open forum to talk about every day issues, like relationships, women empowerment, health and fitness, political topics, and education. I am going to have fun, but be serious when I need to be. I just want to talk to the PEOPLE. so let me hear from you.

This segment comes to you courtesy of my very, very good friend Sara. She agreed to do an impromptu talk about some relationships myths. Sit Back and have Fun.

The Waiting Game

TWG Cover

Dear Readers:

Some people say waiting is a part of life. I say it depends on what you’re waiting for and why. With that said, I apologize to my patient supporters who’ve encouraged me through the entire penning of my book. Due to technical difficulties beyond my control, I was unable to meet my publishing deadline on August 24, 2015.  In the meantime, while I am fixing things behind the scenes, please enjoy this sneak preview of my memoir.

“The Waiting Game” details the relationship myths that women hear about through the generations. Women are taught that men are not attracted to strong women, and that a woman’s primary role in society is to get the man and keep him interested. Women have to follow the rules of the game to be successful. Rule one, use prime bait. Rule two, catch the man. Rule three, keep the man no matter what characteristics he possesses.  Any rules after that, the men play the rest of the game. Therefore, if this task is not completed—we fail as women.

Read this and:

Let Your Reminiscence Unfold

Setting the Stage

It is said that if you stop looking for love it will come to you, and if you love someone set them free; if the relationship is meant to be they will come back.  Well, in my case, this saying is a myth. I am a 51-year-old mother of one and grandmother of three. I had one short horrible marriage and several hit and run relationships.

I thought that I once had the love of my life, but he ran for the hills when I mentioned marriage. I found out that most of my lovers moved on to get married and live happy lives. What is so painful about reliving these memories is that none of these men thought that I was wife material or good enough to be the mother of his children.

There is something very evil and disturbing about men who will have sex with you, lie to you, play you like a fiddle, while closing the door in your face.

I had a few of them come back, but I was not smart enough to understand that I was just a layover before they moved on again. What is it about me that I either scare men away, attack losers or men who simply don’t get me?

Most of them came with too many requirements and baggage. Baggage in the form of ex-wives who had not moved on, or ex- girlfriends who had not become the ex. In each relationship, I was expected to change and make adjustments, compromise, give up, give in until I gave out. I was not sexy enough, I did not dress sluttie enough to suit their taste. I was too conservative, too aggressive, and too smart. I did not give enough of myself in bed; in other words, I was not freaky enough.

I played different roles in these relationships. For the men who refused to grow up and cut the apron strings, I had to mother them. Oh and the children; no, not my son, their children. I was the free babysitter so they could go out and hang with the boys.

My biggest role–playing wife without the ring or marriage license. When I think about all the time I wasted cooking, cleaning, washing and organizing their sad lives all in the name of L.O.V.E, I realized that Tina Turner was right: love had nothing to do with what I was going through. It was all for the sole purpose of their self-gratification. Moreover, in the end I was left emotionally confused, physically exhausted, mentally disturbed, and financially broken- exactly what they wanted.

More myths: you are still young, it is not too late, he is out there for you, and you just have not met him yet. Why do people tell you  this when deep down inside what  they really want to say is, “ Girl,  hang up your dating boots, your prince isn’t coming, settle for that frog because at this stage of the game you have to take what you can get; or settle for what’s behind door number three”.

Drum roll please…. and behind door number three we present Miss Lonely.  Yes, most women fear being alone because we have been told being alone is BAD.

Yes, the defect is always with us. It goes something like this: I am alone because I am a nag, hard to get along with, too needy, too fat, too thin, too broke and too independent.

I am selfish, bossy, noisy, fussy, and refuse to have sex 10 times a day. I am too trusting or not trusting enough. Oh, here is the climax: it is my fault that I have been replaced with a better woman. But no, I am not another angry woman as I have been labeled. I am a woman who has arrived at the end of these experiences finally understanding  who I am, where I am going, and knowing how I am going to get there, and what I will and will not put up with and why.  My story is about ignoring the warning signs, such as, when it is time to get out of an abusive relationship. A reminder: abuse does not have to be physical to leave scars. I had to learn how to put the brakes on, make a U-turn, and haul ass in the opposite direction when the drama got too deep.

This is about not lowering standards by accepting the behavior of a serial cheater. By doing so, we women put our health in danger by continuing to have sexual intercourse with him, all because women are told this is all a part of what men do. Well, A.I.D.S kills and herpes is for life, and do you really want to stay with a man who has been labeled community property?

This is about all the bad relationship myths that are damaging to women’s self-esteem and self- respect and undermine us a woman.  This is about living in a society where the double standard motto that “Boys will be Boys” is an accepted norm, while women are expected to put out and shut up.

To the men who have the great fortune and guts to read this book, it is about you understanding that men can be broken, needy, and have parts of them that need to be fixed too. Stop measuring your worth by your penis and start thinking with your brain about the quality of emotional stability, respect, caring, and love that you can give to your partner.

A final note: Men, stop being selfish; a relationship is not all about you.  Women, stop talking to your girlfriends, your mother, his mother, and talk to him, God, or a therapist.

When entering into a relationship, both men and women need to think about what they are doing and why. Nobody likes a player and games are for social activities, not for a relationship.

 

amazon.com/author/rahshemahfloyd

THE WAIT IS OVER.

TWG Cover

Dear Readers:
“The Waiting Game” details the relationship myths that women hear about through the generations. Women are taught that men are not attracted to strong women, and that a woman’s primary role in society is to get the man and keep him interested. Women have to follow the rules of the game to be successful. Rule one, use prime bait. Rule two, catch the man. Rule three, keep the man no matter what characteristics he possesses. Any rules after that- the men play the rest of the game. Therefore, if this task is not completed—we fail as women.

Read this and:
Let Your Reminiscence Unfold
Enjoy,
J. R. Floyd

ON AMAZON.COM

Photos taken by aahman_-2