Are You in Over Your Head?

Dear Readers,

Photo by Rifqi Ramadhan on Pexels.com

Balance is a simple word. It means to distribute weight evenly. Recently I forced myself to slow down by rearranging my schedule due to feeling overwhelmed.  Each passing day I began to declutter my schedule and gain a better perspective on how to solve the issue of rushing, and not getting enough rest.  The rest I am referring to isn’t about the recommended 7-8 of sleep. I mean resting from that never ending To Do List. 

The last two years I’ve examined the quality of activities in my life, and made some changes. First, I do not volunteer my time for anything unless I am benefiting from the activity. I no longer say yes to any requests unless I review my calendar. I stopped cramming my calendar with activities. In other words, what I did not need in my schedule is more activities, instead take the activities I do have an add Balance. 

I am preparing for retirement and I need the time to explore and research my plan to relocate and build a tiny house. At this stage of my life I no longer feel the need or have the energy to Grind. I have noticed as I am advancing in age my mind and body are no longer willing to cooperate with me working 16 hour days. What I need more of is Balance and Consistency in making the quality of my life a priority. 

I do not need to add more tasks to my To Do List. I need to practice Balance. Being busy doesn’t mean productivity. Have you ever stopped to question what you’re busy doing and why? I have recreated my To Do List into five areas of my life: health, worship, finances, rest, and retirement. The goal is to  prioritize these five areas and Balance my time to give equality and quality to the goals I want to achieve in these areas. For example, in the area of Rest, I have been traveling more and taking weekend mental breaks by staying at an airbnb. The more I take weekend breaks from the same routines I feel energized, refreshed and I have more clarity. 

It’s so easy to lose sight of the demands we place on these human bodies. When was the last time you paid attention to how mentally and emotionally drained your feelings? Society tells us to be positive, push through, be strong and that multitasking is good. What I observe is a population of people who are exhausted, angry, eating poorly, rushing from one activity to the next, not enough quality time spent at home, and taking less and less time for mental breaks and vacations. 

Declutter your schedule, home and workspace. Throw out that never ending To Do List. Cancel the bucket list. Create a Life List. Take time to critically think why you’re feeling overwhelmed. How do you rest?  How is your mental and emotional health? Don’t you think it’s worth taking time to slow down and practice Balance, Consistency and adding some peace and joy into your life. 

Thank you for stopping by Dragthepen

Relationship Experts. True or False

Photo by Git Stephen Gitau on Pexels.com

Have you noticed the new movement of motivational speakers and relationship experts who claim their sole purpose is to help people discover the hidden secrets of how to have a loving and lasting intimate relationships. There are thousands of books and videos posted on soical media by these self proclaimed relationship experts who earn income form speaking engagements, books and relationship workshops all at the expense of broken hearts and lost souls searching for love.

Women are pouring into relationship conferences that charge a fee to hear what they are doing wrong in their relationships, and how to attract the right partner. I’ve been unsuccessful in love, so I began to pay attention to these relationship experts, and invested money in books and workshops. For the most part I found some of the information useful and discovered areas in my life that needed improvement. But, I am not going to shoulder all the blame for not having successful relationships. Why? Because overtime while attending these relationship workshops I began to notice a trend, most experts heaped the blame for failed relationships on women.

The ideology of these experts seems to centered around advising women to be better, raise their standards, don’t date out side their league, stop chasing men, stop making life easy for men, stop having sex, stop wanting marriage, and wait for the man to make the first move. There theory is that It is the duty of women to guard their virginity because men don’t women who’ve been around the block too many times. Men want good girls, you know the saying, ” sugar and spice and everything nice.” While being a nice girl, women should concentrate on securing an education, building a career, and a solid credit score, and finances in preparation for Prince Charming. And when he comes all her aspiration should shift to serving her family and creating a happy home. I say, most of their expert advice is ” B. S.” and sexism.

Most of the dating resources and advice claim that woman are not supposed to change the rules of dating. A womans position is to be meek, humble, submissive, and attentive to her mans needs. Some relationship experts explain that women contribute to the deterioration of a relationship due to them pursuing careers over a relationship, marriage and children. The experts also suggest that most men leave their homes or have outside relationships because their current partner is not meeting their needs.

I won’t bore you with a list of books, YouTube channels, and podcasts focused on educating women in the ways of how to get and keep a man. I don’t want my readers to think that I am discouraging women from seeking advice to help them find a partner or to save a failing relationship. I am suggesting” let the buyer beware” before dooming themselves to a life of being a spinster. Ladies decide for yourself the information that will or will not be helpful because the bottom line is it takes two to tangle.


Photo by Jill Wellington on Pexels.com

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen ❤️

When the inner voice speaks

Hello Ladies, Let me have a word with you.

If currently not in a relationship or situationship and sitting around wondering, crying, and hating on women who are getting engaged or have successful relationships. STOP IT.
I use to be in and out of dysfunctional relationships and situationships to find Mr. Right because I was under the false impression that Mr. Right and the relationship was going to make everything in my life better. I was in and out of relationships for all the wrong reasons. During this dark and miserable period of my life I didn’t understand the emotional damage I was experiencing because I was loosing myself in the hunt for a relationship. I finally had enough of being broken, mistreated, and disappointed. When I decided that I am worth a better life this is when everything changed.

I use to fight against being alone in my space. I thought the gift of peace was underrated. People kept saying to me take time to work on myself. I thought “this is a bunch of crap.” Well, I’ve changed my mind. Ladies, if your in a position where you can creat your living space to reflect who you are count is as a blessing. If you have peace in your home embrace it. Being in the presence of peace is healing, I sleep better, I have better clarity, thus my creative ideas flows. I am learning how to balance my emotions, most important, I don’t allow others to bring their choas into my creative space of peace.

Lastly, loneliness don’t freak out about being alone, or being with self, single, spending time with you, and being in your own company. Don’t allows others to make you feel sad about being alone in your space of peace and creativity. Being alone has been the most important part of GETTING to KNOW who I am. These past two years of being on lock down because of the pandemic, and on going soical distancing helped me to embrace the path of working on me. For me this means therapy, yes, therapy is good combined with my spiritual growth have been a major factor in my emotional healing. I haven’t dated or have any interest in an intimate relationship since 2018. The big question when will I get back into the dating game? I won’t not any time soon.

My path to healing isn’t about me making myself better for a MAN, it’s about setting the standards for a better life for me. I am 57, not really interested in Mr. Right. Armed with new knowledge I know it’s about the quality of the man and does he meet the standards for my life, and not me lowering myself to meet his standards. I am going full force that on the knowledge that a successful relationship depends on the cooperation of two individuals. In the meantime, the only relationship that’s important to me is the one I am cultivating with myself.

Ladies move forward into your path of healing by creating a space of peace, self care and creativity.

Thank you for reading ❤️

What Just Happened?

Dear Readers, 

Have you ever been engaged in a conversation with another person about problems that you’re experiencing, but the other person completely disregards your concerns and makes the conversation about them? I was talking to a sister friend about my decision to join a gym to  focus on my mental and emotional health and at the same time addressing my physical health. I made this choice after several sessions with my therapist who helped me to understand that I have been suffering from pandemic fatigue, a term unknown to me. I thought I was experiencing simple depression, and with the threat of another virus I’ve become  increasingly concerned about the quality of my life. My therapist helped me to understand that this was brought on by the pandemic. I missed working out and homeworks is not helping as much. So, I put my fear aside and joined a gym.

Anyway, out of my excitement I called a close friend of mine to meet me at my favorite coffee lounge to share my good news. However, during our conversation she completely caught me off guard by her lack of compassion and listening skills. It seemed to me that she was condemning me for the choices that I made to regain some balance in my life, and she dumped all of her issues on me. The Conversation went something like this. . 

Me: Thanks for meeting me for coffee. I needed to get out of the house and just breathe.

Sister friend: I felt the same way glad you called.

Me: Since the cold weather is setting in there aren’t many places I am willing to go in doors.

Sister friend: Indoors or outdoors no place is safe. 

Me: Well, that’s true, but at least here they are checking for vaccine cards and the staff wears masks. I did feel better during the summer when people could spread out. I enjoyed the outside dining. 

Sister friend: Inside or outside, if the virus is going to get you it won’t matter where you were.

Me: Sipping my coffee in silence.

Sister friend: What have you been up to?

Me: Doing my best to be productive, positive and stay safe.

Sister friend: Stay safe, stay safe I am so tired of hearing people say that.

Me: What else do you expect people to say, and with the news of yet another variant of this virus people don’t even know if what they are already doing is keeping them safe.

Silence..

Sister friend: Anyway, is anything new happening? 

Me: Yes, I am so excited! I stopped procrastinating and joined the gym. I am done with the pandemic weight. I needed another place to connect to people. So, ready to get my workout on.

Sister friend: Girl are you crazy? You talking about staying safe and you’re going to a gym? 

Me: Yes. I thought about it. I need to start rebuilding my health. I’ve been feeling off balance. I did my research, the gym is near my house, they only allow 25 percent capacity, fully vaccinated people only, they take your temp, there is a mask mandate, and it is clean.

Sister Friend: Girl, I wouldn’t dare go in a place where there is so much sweat and germs, people breathing out God knows what. And what do you mean your off balance? 

Me: Before I could answer-

Sister friend: From where I sit you’re doing great. I’ve been dealing with creditors calling me, still behind on my rent, squeezing pennies to buy food, and I might not have cable next month. To make matters worse, Christmas will be here soon and I don’t have money to buy gifts, so this means I won’t be getting anything. You know how some people are if you don’t give, you don’t get. And it’s been a long time since I had a professional mani-pedi. And the only thing you’re worried about is a few extra pounds? Here is a suggestion that will save you the gym membership, stop eating. ( laughing ). Girl you know I am only kidding.

Me: Smiling.  

After that rant I didnt go into details about my conversation with my therapist, and how I’ve been feeling depressed more than usual, and my fears about going through the winter shut indoors alone. I wanted to ask her about all the unemployment money she received on top of the stimulus checks. I dare not go there. I left the coffee lounge feeling like the bad girl who’d  been chastised for getting caught with my hands in the cookie jar.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen

The Other Side of Love

Goodreads Choice Awards 2021

J. R.  Floyd

The Other Side of Love

 Dear Readers,

 In 2017, A Different Flavor of Love, introduced the unconventional love story of Desiree Hancock and Leslie Lambert. Desiree a young single mother fighting her way out of poverty, she meets the love of her life, Leslie Lambert, who gives up her career at a prestigious New York City law firm to follow Desiree to start a new life in South Carolina. After five years living happily ever after little cracks chip away at their fairy tale, when Leslie encounters the handsome and mysterious Benjamin Harrison he challenges everything she thought she knew about herself.

I decided to write the final chapter in the lives of Desiree and Leslie because of a comment posted by a reader on Amazon. The reader said she hoped that A Different flavor of love wasn’t the end of my characters journey.

It’s 2021, and I am feverishly work on The Others Side Of Love, stay tuned….for more updates.

J. R. Floyd

  • Thank you for stopping by dragthepen ❤️





Goodreads on Facebook
Goodreads on Twitter

Sister’s Can You Relate?

I want to start dating again, but as a woman I don’t know if this is politically correct. Why, because women are told that they are supposed to wait for their husband, and that women are not to chase men rather they are to pursue us. However, the ultimate question is what does dating mean? In my case I went from a naive 17 year old virgin to a clueless teenager mother, and all of my experiences with dating were horrible. I thought that dating meant getting married and riding off into the sunset happily ever after. Looking back I now understand that I didn’t have to respond to every man that whistled at me, and that some men inttention weren’t honorable.

Anyway, I’ve spend years going through the healing process from a abused childhood, survivor of domestic volience, and other dysfunctional intimate situationships. The darkness and chaos in my life lead me to seek help to understand why my life was out of order. It’s been a long and painful process of self reflection, therapy, diving into self help books, yoga, self care retreats, choosing to remain single, no dating and practicing celibacy.
Despite all the new knowledge I have aquired my journey has been lonely. But I had to do what was needed to understand the behavior, thinking, and addictive patterns that kept me in a cycle of depression, relationship drama, and repeating the same mistakes both professionally and personally. Year after year I purged myself of the demons of my past. I feel good about where I am in life. I have a better vision of my purpose, how and what I need to accomplish my goals, but what I lack is companionship from a partner that’s my equal.

At the age of 57, I desire to be courted respectfully and properly, with sincerity instead of lies and con games. I need pure dating without the pressure of quick meaningless intimacy. I have various interest, I love the outdoors camping life style, driving cross country, exploring new cusine, gardening, reading, cooking and entertaining family and friends. I am working towards building a tiny house for retirement, and will continue to pursue, publishing books, blogging, and entering a new stage of my career as a public speaker. I still have some self work to do, but I know that I can enter a relationship fresh with less baggage. The only hinders besides getting past the fear of dating is waiting until it is safe to go out and meet people due to the coronavirus. In the meantime, I will remain hopeful.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen ❤️