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The Relationship Talk

You said “I’m running away,” but when I look down my feet are firmly planted on the ground.

You said, “I’m not willing to give in and let myself go.”

So, I said, “self-let’s think about this running away, giving in and letting go.” I’ve spent many days and nights pondering silently and sometimes speaking aloud about this “running away, giving in and letting go.” And I’ve come to concluded; what I am running away from the old stale, complacent, routine of a “RELATIONSHIP,” and the lack of romance, no not sexual intercourse, but good ole fashion remember the flowers, a love note or card, holding hands and a gift on date night just because.

I’m running away from being suffocated by a partner who continually whimpering about the lack of attention, which translates into not enough sex. Running from the idea that I owe wifely duties without the ring. Running away from not being supported, respected, valued and permitted space to grow as an individual.  Running away from the proposed thinking that we are one, Yep, when I think about it, I am running……..

Part 2, the unwillingness to give in. I do not quit comprehend what is meant by the term “give in.” Repeatedly in my mind I said “give in; give in” until the meaning became clear, don’t you mean, “Give up?”  Give up my time, passion and aspirations for the well-being of the “RELATIONSHIP” because there is no longer me, I, or self, but we, us and ours.

Finally, “letting myself go.” Hmmmmm…Go where and why? Do you mean immersing myself into the abyss of the “RELATIONSHIP” so deep that I forget who I am, and what I want out of this life, my life? Do you see where I am going with this?  I am running away, unwilling to give in and not letting go because…………..maybe you don’t need to know why?

This is what you should know. I would run towards and hold onto a man who truly understands and illustrates the qualities of what it means to be committed “PARTNERSHIP.” I am willing to give into and let myself go to walk on the wild side, with a man who accepts me as I am and sees’ the value of having me as their life partner.

I would like to feel secure and cared for by a man who is supportive of my career goals, ministry, and love for pets, romance and quite time. I am not willing to run to or give into and let myself go for a temporary lay or for Mr. Right now. I am willing to take a chance on always and forever.

What Say You?

Family Ties

Dear readers,

It’s easy to become routine about the things we say we are grateful for like, life, good health shelter, and our daily bread. On Sunday, March 26, 2017, the day after my birthday, while having dinner with my sisters I was reflecting on the importance of staying connected to family. Sometimes when we feel that life is empty because we lack an intimate or should I say romantic relationship, however, this may not be the whole truth. Examine closely the time spent away from family, this might be the connection that your heart is yearning for. Family should never be taken for granted, Because at the close of the day all we have is God and Family.

What Say You?

Gratiude

Dear readers,

Today, I am grateful for my life. I’ve been observing the life style of some of my family and friends, and sometimes I secretly  wished that I had what they have. But upon close investigation, I’ve come to understand that most of them  that I’ve watched with the GREEN EYES of ENVY  with all  their material assets; house, cars, trips, expensive clothes, and other accessories, some of them lack peace and freedom. Let me explain, they seemed happy with all that they have gained, however, while a rare lunch date with my best friend, she confirmed my assumption, when she said, ” There are days that I wished that I could live like you.” I didn’t respond because I was thinking, she has a house, two cars, three beautiful children, and a husband who provides for her. She must be mad, I worked two jobs, ride public transportation ( took  on the second job to save for a car), and I haven’t been in a relationship for six years.

Before I could question her, she continued. “I love my family, but I wished that I would have waited to live my life. You live free of the burdens of having to find a baby sitter for three kids in order to have date night, which is rare, or to go out with the few friends I have. Your house is always clean and quiet. In my house, I constantly hear  voices, asking and demanding my time and attention. I’m totally depended on my husband financially and at time he is tight with money.Besides begin married for 15 years, having my children, I have nothing to show for what I have accomplished beyond my marriage. You travel, paid your way through college, published a book, your self-sufficient, and unlike the rest of the women in our circle you didn’t settle. When you marriage wasn’t working, you left and didn’t look back. Anyway, girl I’m venting, how is the new book coming?”

We continued to eat  lunch and talked about my next book. We parted ways and when I arrived home, put the key in my door to be greeted by my  dogs wagging tail of excitement, It was a that moment that I knew that I haven’t been grateful for my life. I have all that I need and my life is the exactly the way it should be.

What do you have to be grateful for?

The Waiting Game

TWG Cover

Dear Readers:

Some people say waiting is a part of life. I say it depends on what you’re waiting for and why. With that said, I apologize to my patient supporters who’ve encouraged me through the entire penning of my book. Due to technical difficulties beyond my control, I was unable to meet my publishing deadline on August 24, 2015.  In the meantime, while I am fixing things behind the scenes, please enjoy this sneak preview of my memoir.

“The Waiting Game” details the relationship myths that women hear about through the generations. Women are taught that men are not attracted to strong women, and that a woman’s primary role in society is to get the man and keep him interested. Women have to follow the rules of the game to be successful. Rule one, use prime bait. Rule two, catch the man. Rule three, keep the man no matter what characteristics he possesses.  Any rules after that, the men play the rest of the game. Therefore, if this task is not completed—we fail as women.

Read this and:

Let Your Reminiscence Unfold

Setting the Stage

It is said that if you stop looking for love it will come to you, and if you love someone set them free; if the relationship is meant to be they will come back.  Well, in my case, this saying is a myth. I am a 51-year-old mother of one and grandmother of three. I had one short horrible marriage and several hit and run relationships.

I thought that I once had the love of my life, but he ran for the hills when I mentioned marriage. I found out that most of my lovers moved on to get married and live happy lives. What is so painful about reliving these memories is that none of these men thought that I was wife material or good enough to be the mother of his children.

There is something very evil and disturbing about men who will have sex with you, lie to you, play you like a fiddle, while closing the door in your face.

I had a few of them come back, but I was not smart enough to understand that I was just a layover before they moved on again. What is it about me that I either scare men away, attack losers or men who simply don’t get me?

Most of them came with too many requirements and baggage. Baggage in the form of ex-wives who had not moved on, or ex- girlfriends who had not become the ex. In each relationship, I was expected to change and make adjustments, compromise, give up, give in until I gave out. I was not sexy enough, I did not dress sluttie enough to suit their taste. I was too conservative, too aggressive, and too smart. I did not give enough of myself in bed; in other words, I was not freaky enough.

I played different roles in these relationships. For the men who refused to grow up and cut the apron strings, I had to mother them. Oh and the children; no, not my son, their children. I was the free babysitter so they could go out and hang with the boys.

My biggest role–playing wife without the ring or marriage license. When I think about all the time I wasted cooking, cleaning, washing and organizing their sad lives all in the name of L.O.V.E, I realized that Tina Turner was right: love had nothing to do with what I was going through. It was all for the sole purpose of their self-gratification. Moreover, in the end I was left emotionally confused, physically exhausted, mentally disturbed, and financially broken- exactly what they wanted.

More myths: you are still young, it is not too late, he is out there for you, and you just have not met him yet. Why do people tell you  this when deep down inside what  they really want to say is, “ Girl,  hang up your dating boots, your prince isn’t coming, settle for that frog because at this stage of the game you have to take what you can get; or settle for what’s behind door number three”.

Drum roll please…. and behind door number three we present Miss Lonely.  Yes, most women fear being alone because we have been told being alone is BAD.

Yes, the defect is always with us. It goes something like this: I am alone because I am a nag, hard to get along with, too needy, too fat, too thin, too broke and too independent.

I am selfish, bossy, noisy, fussy, and refuse to have sex 10 times a day. I am too trusting or not trusting enough. Oh, here is the climax: it is my fault that I have been replaced with a better woman. But no, I am not another angry woman as I have been labeled. I am a woman who has arrived at the end of these experiences finally understanding  who I am, where I am going, and knowing how I am going to get there, and what I will and will not put up with and why.  My story is about ignoring the warning signs, such as, when it is time to get out of an abusive relationship. A reminder: abuse does not have to be physical to leave scars. I had to learn how to put the brakes on, make a U-turn, and haul ass in the opposite direction when the drama got too deep.

This is about not lowering standards by accepting the behavior of a serial cheater. By doing so, we women put our health in danger by continuing to have sexual intercourse with him, all because women are told this is all a part of what men do. Well, A.I.D.S kills and herpes is for life, and do you really want to stay with a man who has been labeled community property?

This is about all the bad relationship myths that are damaging to women’s self-esteem and self- respect and undermine us a woman.  This is about living in a society where the double standard motto that “Boys will be Boys” is an accepted norm, while women are expected to put out and shut up.

To the men who have the great fortune and guts to read this book, it is about you understanding that men can be broken, needy, and have parts of them that need to be fixed too. Stop measuring your worth by your penis and start thinking with your brain about the quality of emotional stability, respect, caring, and love that you can give to your partner.

A final note: Men, stop being selfish; a relationship is not all about you.  Women, stop talking to your girlfriends, your mother, his mother, and talk to him, God, or a therapist.

When entering into a relationship, both men and women need to think about what they are doing and why. Nobody likes a player and games are for social activities, not for a relationship.

 

amazon.com/author/rahshemahfloyd

Letting Go~

Dear Readers,

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Some advice from The Little Book of love by Joules Taylor

~Letting Go~

Sometimes, no matter how hard you’ve worked at a relationship, or how much you want it to continue, the other person is no longer in love with you and wants to be set free. You could fight for them to stay, of course, but its wiser kinder, and ultimately healthier, to let them go.

However, this is often easier said than done, especially if you still love him/her. To make things a little less difficult, find a piece of amazonite or sodalite ( or both),  and keep them with you through the difficult times. They are both “feel good” stones, comforting to handle and attractive to look at; their colors are soothing and they may help you feel a little more optimistic about life in general.

It’s important, in such a situation, that you don’t lose your sense of your own worth. This relationship may not have been successful, but there’s no reason why the next one should go the same way, especially if you can learn from your mistakes. Keep the stone(s) with you to remind you that things aren’t as gloomy as they might appear.

What Say You?

Happy Holiday

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