Healing in the Presence of Peace

Dear Readers,

I didn’t want to be alone so I spent years in dysfunction relationships and situationships because I was afraid that being without a man meant that something is wrong with me. As a result, I accepted degrading treatment from relationships and friendships that only brought pain and suffering. For most of my life I felt I wasn’t good enough, so I tried to fix what I was told was wrong with me. The more effort I put into changing to please others they continued to point out my flaws. The first time my therapist asked me ” what did I want” I didn’t know how to answer. The truth be told my life was a sum of feeling unloved, disconnected, and beaten down from being a people pleaser. I spent years allowing the whisperers of loneliness and the judgment of others to drive me into situations that burden my life deeper into emotionally, mentally and physically depletion….until the day came when I had nothing to give.

Fast forward….. I took Action

It’s been a four years journey of understanding why I remained locked in a patterns of self sabotage and unloving intimate relationships, friendships, and attached to Self- centered family members. Regardless how painful it was I had to deconnect from dysfunctional situations in order to connect to self. When an individuals like myself decides that enough is enough and being sick and tired isn’t helping this is a defining moments of discovering the truth of who is for or against you.

During my isolation I discovered how to hear and trust my own voice. I learned that I deserved to live in a home where I don’t have to walk around on egg shells, and adjust to other people’s moods. Being a people pleaser only makes me weak, a doormat, and disconnected me from being my authentic self. I am learning to be patient and to trust the process of peace, healing and being in the presence of my company. I know that not having an inmate relationship isn’t a punishment, but time to love on me. I understand that’s having a hand full of faithful friends is better than being lost in a crowd of fake friends.

I’ve discovered that I am capable of more than anyone thought I could accomplish. During my isolation and deleting negative people from my presence cleared the way for building a better networking system that works for me. One of the best part of healing in the presence of peace is how valuable I treat my body. In other words, I no longer offer my body up as a sacrifice in exchange for happiness that won’t come. I immerse myself in self care because of what I asked of myself mentally and emotionally, not because I am running from the burdens of the baggage others dump on me.

My life use to be the sum of mostly negative choices, but today I know that it’s never too late to learn, heal, and start fresh. I don’t know who needed to hear this, but to the individuals who are listening and my experience speaks to you, I say, seek your healing in the presence of peace.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen ❤️

A Change of Mind

Dear Readers,

My last post I talked about being worthy thank you for the support and feedback I received. The word for this post is CHANGE, not getting back to normal or adjusting to the new normal. 

The change I am talking about is when people make the decision to transform their lives in a positive direction this transformation leads to making changes. For some people change isn’t easy, and it’s been my experience that when people make changes in their behavior, thinking, environment, the company they keep, lifestyle changes that lead to eating healthy and exercising,  to stop wasting money and live on a budget, or stop engaging in bad relationships, making  changes in the home to improve family life, some people decide to go to church and seek spiritual guidance, or make changes in their parenting style to become better parents. 

Some people adapt the idea that change is good, and they look forward to making improvements transforming their lives into what some people refer to as” their best life.” But what happens when you decide to change, to take your life in a different direction because you’ve become weary of doing the same thing, the same way and the outcome isn’t what you expected; and change becomes difficult when the people around you are resistant to change. 

For some individuals change means that the lives of the people around them will be inconvenient because they have become complacent and don’t see a need for change. Let me explain….. If you’re married, have a family, in a domestic partnership, situationship, live at home with your parents and other family members the decision to make changes in your life might affect the people connected to you, and their interaction with you might become strained. In other words, they are afraid they might have to change too.

Here’s an example, at the age of 28, I decided to enroll in college. Although I was living on my own there were changes that I made that affected people’s attitude towards me. At the start of my journey towards earning my Bachelor degree I spent every weekend partying. Over time I realized that I couldn’t keep up with the party lifestyle and be a good student because I wasn’t absorbing the content of the courses I was taking in Education and English literature. I looked forward to spending the weekends with my family and friends, but I was struggling to keep up with my assignments. I had to slow down, stay home and create a schedule that allowed me to balance work and school making time to focus on my assignments, while having time for myself. This meant less time partying and Sunday dinner at my parents house. No one was supportive of the changes I made. 

Acquiring my education was very important to me because at the time I was working a dead end job. I truly wanted to transform my life by establishing a career in Education and Social Work. The majority of people around me, mainly my family and friends felt that I was putting too much into my education. The more I tried to explain to them about balancing my time, they continued to oppose the changes that I made. Needless to say, I lost people who I thought I created solid friendships, the reason they gave was because I didn’t have time for them. But the truth was I couldn’t be available when they wanted me to be. I missed out on many family gatherings not intentionally, but due to some of these events happening when I had major assignments due and I could not sacrifice the time. On the day of graduation everyone wanted to celebrate my achievement. These were the same individuals who left me by the roadside so to speak. 

If you’re in the process of transforming your life for the better,  you will have to consider the people around you, meaning husbands wives, childrens, and others who might be opposed and resistant to their lives being affected by the changes you make in your life. Be prepared to:

1. Stand firm in the belief that the changes you’re making will be good for all involved.

2. Be willing to be patient with the setbacks that happen during the process of change.

3. Be prepared to motivate yourself when others are not eager to encourage and support you. 

4. Make sure you’re walking the right path towards change and putting in the effort to make  changes happen.

5. Make sure you understand that change isn’t wishful thinking. You will need a well thought out plan,set goals and check your process.

6. Be very clear about the rationale for the need to change and the benefits.

There are many more suggestions when considering moving towards change, but I think you get the message by now. Change is good because it means moving forward and making progress. When people become stagnant because they are deeply ingrained in living a routine life, and they settle for the status quo then change is a difficult step for them to make. Change does not happen overnight and there might be some unforeseen sacrifice you have to make that others will not. In the end the choice is your to make.

Thankyou for stopping by dragthepen

Are You a Passive Participant in your Life?

Dear Readers, 

By now you should be familiar with who I am and what I do. Recently, I posted my welcome video to Conversations with J. R. Floyd, my latest project on my YouTube channel, decided to issues that impact our intimate relationships and explore problems that destroy families. This month ( July 2020)  I am celebrating my 2nd anniversary for my  YouTube channel, and my path to healing years of emotional and spiritual brokenness. At the beginning of 2020, I asked my viewers, readers, bloggers, and supporters to join me in this year’s Theme of writing letters to self. This idea came to me while I was penning my third book, 90 Days of Reflection, Discovery and Renewal. During my journey of journaling for 90 days, I discovered that there were areas of my life that I thought that I had healed, but certain events in my life brought to my awareness that I need to revisit some old wounds that really hadn’t healed completely.   

I have written letters to myself, to people, ( My mother and father), to my supporters, to life, and to love, however, I never sat down and wrote a letter addressed to me. I spent years walking through life in a fog, meaning that my life had no direction nor did I have any good role models to support me. I walked around in darkness and pain, but  I wasn’t aware that I was suffering, I covered up my pain and distress by engaging in one bad relationship after another. I worked out like a fiend and stick to a strict vegetarian diet. I wanted everyone to see that I had my life together, but the truth was I would go home and fall to my knees in tears because wearing masks was exhausting. 

It wasn’t enough that I had worked my way through College, an accomplishment that I never celebrated because I wanted others to praise me and put me on a petals, and when this didn’t happen the seeds of anger were planted. When I didn’t get my dream job or what I thought was my dream,  the seeds of anger sprouted into buds of resentment.  It never dawned on me that I was spewing my bitterness at the wrong people. I didn’t know that I was supposed to create the life I wanted, instead, I was under the impression that life was supposed to bring me what I wanted just by me thinking it. I thought that if I was a “ good girl” and did all the right things, walk a “ good path” that all things good would come to me. So, I wasted years of my life hoping, wishing, praying, crying and wondering when am I going to catch a break? All this time I didn’t understand that I was a passive participant in my own life. It wasn’t until someone said to me, “ you don’t wait for people to give you an opportunity, you make your own” that Was in 2014. Since that time I’ve become an active participant in my own life.

The change didn’t happen overnight and I have had some setbacks, but the lessons and the progress I’ve made in the last three years is amazing. Blogging, publishing my own books, living my dream of singing in a classical chorus, traveling, creating my YouTube channel, and my latest project a new website Conversations with J. R. Floyd. I teach vision board workshops and coach people how to make their visions for their life a reality. I go to bed each night with a sense of purpose and accomplishment. Pursuing an intimate relationship is no longer a priority. I surrounded myself with people who encourage and support my life vision and growth. I cherish my new found peace and clarity, and looking forward to the new change in my career as a Case Planner working with children in foster care. My first love will always be teaching, but it is time for change. 

  

Thank you for stopping my dragthepen

        

both of my books are available on Amazon

Dear 2019

 

Dear Readers, 

There are millions of people who are very happy to see 2019 go. Welcoming a new year is always exciting due to the anticipation of starting fresh and leaving behind a year that might not have been the greatest. I begin 2019 with high hopes I made plans, plotted a path and set reasonable   goals. Along the way I often got side tracked. Remember when you hit me with pneumonia twice, but you made me understand that I wasn’t paying attention to my health. It seemed to me that each day I pushed forward you pushed me backwards. On the darkest days of this year I did my utmost best to remain positive. I smiled when I wanted to cry. I suppressed my screams of anger by singing, and squeezed my blue tattered stress ball when my emotions threatened to overwhelm me. Against all odds and with fierce determination I accomplished my goal of performing at Carnegie Hall after three previous attempts. I wasn’t going to allow the dreary, somber, evil forces of this universe to defeat me. 

Hey, 2019, I couldn’t understand why you seemed hell bent on putting obstacles in my way, the more I succeeded in my progress towards my goals, you appeared to be ignored at me. I thought that we were taking this journey together. I told you at the start of 2019, that I was over stumbling through life like the village idiot. I made amends for all the years that I wasted. I said to you with all the sincerity of my shattered life, that I would do better and be better because I have greater clarity. Where you testing me my faith, strength, and ability to remain grounded and focused on my goals? I walked with my head up through every storm, nor’easter, and heat wave. I worked on my days off, double shifts, even when I didn’t have the strength to put one foot in front of the other.  I willed myself forward by the power of my mental strength. 

I couldn’t believe that you ( 2019) wouldn’t allow me to catch a break. Ok, so I admit there were moments of short lived happiness. June 17, my performance at Carnegie Hall, my long awaited trip to California, and in August I finally had the time and resources to renew my passport. In  September my new website Conversations with J.R. Floyd went public. I completed my third manuscript that’s currently going through the editing process, the goals is to publish my third book in 2020. I secured my new living space and on Dec 16, I was able to move in two weeks before the original date. Oh, yeah, a few bonuses, I get to spend Christmas and New Year’s in my new apartment. Oh and did I mention that I finally have a landlord that allows me to have a pet. I adopted a cat named Hamlet. So, here I am in the middle of my queen size bed, Hamlet purring next to me, sipping hot chocolate while Nat Cole Christmas CD plays softly. 

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Yes, 2019, we have had our tribulations and there were days when you made me question my sanity, but in the end all things considered I say I started this year the same way I chose to end it. I am going to continue setting realistic goals, map out a plan on how to make my goals and make my vision a reality. I resolve to pay attention to my health, sleep, rest, eat clean, drink plenty of water, and stay committed to making me and my vision a priority. With a heartfelt thank you I am grateful for all that 2019 has taught me. I welcome the next level of living my best life. Hello 2020.

Now Versus Then

Dear Readers, The information that we gain over time through experiences is what shapes us. How many time have you hear people say, ” I wish I knew then what I know now.” maybe I would have made better choices. I say, what you didn’t know then wasn’t for you to know. We are a result of our experiences whether negative or positive it’s because we work with the information we are given, and sometimes we work with what we think we know on our own. It is never too late to use the new information that we are given in order to make out life better. Thank you for watching and  don’t forget to like this video.

 

 

Sweet Smell of Life

Dear Readers,  I lost everything, or at least I thought I did. Two years ago my life was turned upside down, first, I lost my apartment, and broke off my engagement, in two years I have moved four times into roommates situations. In the progress of moving I had to let go of material items. Things that I put blood and sweat into purchasing. I gave them away to people who were in need, and the most painful of all I had to leave my entire bedroom set in my old apartment because I didn’t have the time or many to put everything in storage.

When life hits you with an unexpected curve ball and in my case several curve balls, you learn how to put things in prospective, at least this is what I did. For the last year I have lived in a beautiful four bedroom apartment with two bathrooms with a great roommate, but I spend the bulk of my time in my room. What I have gained is the knowledge of how to live with less and be happy. In a few months December 1, 2019, I will officially, move into my own apartment, and I am looking forward to starting from ground zero, and living the next half of my life as a MINIMALIST. I live with just what I need and understanding that material processions don’t mean that I have quality of life, its just stuff that I worked hard to acquire, and sometimes don’t enjoy.

Refocusing my means having  time to slow down, experience and enjoy peace at home, and time to rediscovery and discover who I am. I’ve revisited the joys of reading books that have lead to me to understand that I was basically in a fog for years, and that I wasn’t living my best life. In two years, I have traveled, keep promises to myself that I have pushed back for years. I do more impromptu things, I focus more on me, health, and most important  I keep a daily gratitude journal. Yes. I know you have heard this over and over that a good life is a life that is filled with Gratitude. Since June I’ve been keeping a morning and evening Gratitude journal. I’ve practice the habit of starting my day with extra time to sit in peace, listen to a motivational video, journal, reflect, and plan that my day is going to be a good one. No matter how bad I think a day is I look forward to looking for five things that I have to be thankful for that day.

I am literally starting from ground zero with everything. my new apartment won’t be stuff with things, but it will be pretty, and filled with dinners with family and friends. I am refocusing my priorities in the order of important, spending more time on the goals that are important to me like, my next two books, my YouTube channel, Conversations with J. R. Floyd, rejoicing in the release of my new website, Conversations with J. R. Floyd on Squarespace ( October 2019).  I use to think of starting over as a depressing life event, I don’t anymore. I see starting from ground zero as a chance to start fresh and leave the old drama behind. I look forward to each day because I have new goals that will become a reality now that I  know how to prioritize, plan, slow down, keep distractions away.   Sometime an ending and be a new beginning. If this is you, don’t look back,  life is so much better when you look forward.

Here is the five things that I have to be thankful for today.

1. Today,I am thankful that I didn’t allow the hands of depression to control me.
2. Today, I am thankful for good health.
3. Today, I am thankful that I have a chance to rebuild my life from ground zero.
4. Today, I am thankful to have something to be thankful for.
5. Today, I am thankful because I can look forward to living my best life.

J. R. Floyd, Dragthepen

I challenge you to list  Five things that you are thankful for?