Don’t be afraid to reflect its the path to healing

My best buddy Peanut

Dear Readers, blogger Colleen (Colleenconversation.com) inspires today’s topic Reset, regroup, refocus. Colleen’s blog inspired me to encourage others to think about their lives and contemplate if it is time to reset, regroup, and refocus

There are 4-5 months until the holiday season and a New Year. I know people are thinking hey slow down It is still summer, and you are thinking too far ahead. I say why wait for a New Year to make changes. The only difference about waiting for a New Year is for a new number to change. Have you been listening to that voice in the back of your head nagging you about reset, regroup, and refocus areas of your life that you have been in denial that needs to be changed.

Let us be honest with ourselves, people make excuses about taking time for self-reflection, busy because of marriage, kids, job, school, finances, and lack of resources. I believe the reason people do not reflect on life is because of fear and having to put effort into changing. I think that people have become comfortable with being stuck or pushing the reset, regroup, and refocus mode means that their relationship or your family dynamics may change, not wanting to hurt other people; they remain stuck and unhappy. 

3 years ago, when the world was sheltered in place I was forced into the mindset of reset, regrouping my life. Before the pandemic I was like millions of people just going about my busy life, I was stuck and was not aware of how I arrived at being trapped in a pattern of running on the hamster wheel. 

When I took the time to refocus my life, I discovered clarity and the awareness of how I was living an unfulfilled life. I went to a job where I was overworked, underpaid, overwhelmed and angry, but at the same time I thought that was all I was worth. I was living in a rut and moving like a robot. There were days I felt hopeless, but instead of acknowledging my feelings I suppressed them and kept moving. 

Presently, there are other distractions to blame for our less than happy life and more excuses not to take time for self-reflection. People are focused on inflation, gas prices, new viruses, and politics. The insanity does not seem to stop, all this other stuff adds to people’s stress, panic, fear and numbs people, causing them to become distracted from thinking about what I call WIN what is important now. People say they do not have time, but the truth is they avoid reflecting about life because they may not like what is brought to their attention or the emotions that will surface.

Reset, regroup, and refocus means reorganizing, planning, deep thinking and this takes time. Question, when was the last time you prioritize your life in order of importance? People should stop packing their schedules with unnecessary activities that take them away from goals. Sometimes being busy does not mean being productive, especially when you do not see the desired results. It is time to revisit the goals and visions that you had but along life’s path your dreams got lost.

I know that is what happened to me. When I reflect how I allowed the events in my life to take over casing me to put myself last. People say life happens, I say, yes life happens but people need to learn the skill and practice of consistently and constantly evaluating their life. I use various methods to evaluate whether I am on the right track or if I am just being busy and nothing is getting done. I use vision boards, journals, every time I accomplish a goal, I write it on a post stick, put it in a jar and every three months I read them to make sure that I am staying on track.

Resting, regrouping, and refocusing my life revealed how much I was neglecting myself (no real self-care) and the quality of my life was nonexistent. I have learned to put what is important to me first, I consistently prioritize, down time is especially important to my mental, physical, and emotional well-being. I feel free, light, and experience more joy out of life. 

Thank you for stopping by Dragthepen

Its Okay Not To Push Through

Photo by Susanne Jutzeler on Pexels.com

What do you do on the days you don’t want to push through? I get it when people say “this too shall pass, and feelings don’t come to last”, but today I don’t want to push through.

There’s not a dark cloud in the sky making me feel blue because the sun is shining through.

Why is it on this day I can’t push through? I don’t want to drag this weight on my back, This burden of emotional sack, why have you come to attack?

Yesterday, I was on the right track, but today, things just don’t seem right.
I close my eyes and breathe hoping to reset, recharge, energize, only to realize today I just can’t push through.

Then a thought occured, why am I asking myself to do something I am unable to do? Maybe, I don’t need to push through. I said, ” self It’s okay to delay the deadlines or not to be all that I can be today.”

After all who am I hurting? What harm am I causing? No one will be disappointed if I can’t push through today. And even if there is a moment of disappointment, oh well, ” this to shall pass.”

To the people who arrive at a day that you can’t push through, it’s okay. It’s a burden to be strong and smile everyday. Sometimes the rain is too much to bear and when these days come it is okay not to be okay. It’s important to recognize what your feeling and why you can’t push through, most important be kind to yourself.

People will say to you push through and you will be okay, they mean well, but this is horrible advice. You don’t always have to be strong, brave, smiling, positive, superwoman or superman,or the life of the party. How you feel on the days you can’t push through is important. We live in a society that has adapted bad habits of ignoring the warning signs when our bodies and spirits signals us to slow down, and pay attention before hitting that brick wall.

On the day you can push through don’t. Take a break.The world will continue without you. It always has and will. Remember, Self Matters.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen ❤️

Is today the day?

Dear Readers,

Have you ever asked yourself, ” is today the day?” until my recent adventure driving cross country, I’ve never pondered this question. While on the road I was caught up in site seeing and overwhelmed by the beauty of the land. I didn’t have time to think about my misspend youth, tramadic relationships, or the next step in my healing process. I didn’t take any self help books, nor did I journal about my past emotional trauma. When I returned home my thoughts drafted towards ways to carve out more vacation time, and weekend get aways, how to make changes to my work schedule, and cut back on others projects.

I don’t have problems with the healing process, what I take issues with is this no one told me when the process would be over. I’ve been engrossed in finding answers, asking why, and stewing in anger and resentment towards the people involved in the trauma of my past. I’ve waited for years for a Tah – Dah the announcement or approval that it is safe for me to begin living, trusting, believing, to meet new people, and to discover a sincere emotionally balanced intimate connection with a partner I feel safe with, instead of being neglected and abused.

During my time on the road I experiencied true freedom. I didn’t feel the weight from the pain of my past, my adventure cross country showed me how long I’ve been under the strain of the darkness of depression and fear that I forgot how to walk in the life of joy, happiness, peace, adventure, to develop loyal friendships, and reconnect with family. I thought the safe thing to do was to shut myself off and build up walls. I voted never again. My negative thinking dragged me deeper into a pit of dispire.

This is the day, year, and time for me to stop hiding behind the fear of making mistakes. This is the day to silence the angry voices that I have allowed to hold me back. Today, is the day that I trust myself to live and walk forward with caution.

Is today your day to be free?

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen ❤️

Letters to Self

Happy New Year and Welcome to Dragthepen

I am back from a much needed rest. I have had time to reset and refocus, and I am feeling stronger emotionally. I have a new plans for moving forward with  my new brand http://www.conversationswithjrfloyd.com/ and for my blog Dragthepen.

Questions, are you planning to start 2020  with making useless resolutions? Are you setting yourself up for failure, again by making  promises to live your best life? Have you sat down and spend time in deep thought about YOU and the plans for this best life. 

let me help you get started I want to introduce my new theme and challenge for the 1st 6 months of 2020. 

1st,  I challenge you to make a list of your top 6 goals, this takes real thinking about areas of your life that need to improve in order to achieve your goals. There are some things that you might have to clear out of your life in order to make room to receive the new blessings.

2nd, turn those goals into a creative vision board: if you need help in this area there are tons of video’s on you tube to get you started. Word of caution don’t go crazy with unrealistic goals. I am talking about things that you know you can accomplish by making small steps that turn into to big results.

3rd, I would like to help you rid yourself of emotional baggage and fears  by suggesting that your write letters to yourself.

Create a space in your house where you can setup your visions board and write these letters to self. this must be a place where your going to be undisturbed, remember this space is for you to send time looking at your vision back and mapping out plans to make your goals a reality. In these letters you can write about emotions or experiences that you’ve been suppressing, like past break ups, people, pain, anger, poor choices you’ve made, or for letting go of your dreams.

I am suggesting this letter writing exercise because the letters that I have written to myself  have helped me to go deeper into my healing process and open areas of my life that I have hold onto for too long. 

For more on this letter writing process you can follow me on my You Tube channel Conversations with J. R. Floyd or m live chat on facebook……in the coming New Year 2020, I will be sharing live my letters to Self and giving my viewers a new topic to write about each month.

Thank you for reading.

http://www.conversationswithjrfloyd.com

my journey back

Dear Readers,

My journey back.
I spent a lot of time confused as to why I couldn’t bounce back. Two years ago I almost found myself on the edge of being homeless. The events in life that you think couldn’t happen to you like, unemployment, illness, homelessness, no saving, and worst the people who declared and sworn their undying loyalty to you, when the shit hit the fan they were out of sight out of mind. You wake up in the middle of the night and it finally hits you. Your alone. Alone in the battle to reset and regain your life.

How do you do this?

I had a plan my journey began when I was 30. I broke away from an abusive marriage, received much needed therapy, and I though the ghosts from my past were gone. I was wrong. I wasn’t paying attention. I didn’t learn anything. I didn’t stay focused on me or my goals. I made the to do lists, made plans to do better and be better, but year after year I failed. I failed because my major distraction was running after relationships that I wasn’t ready for or men who just wasn’t good for me. I am not placing blame on the men they were doing what men do take what’s being offered to them. When I think about how I suffered through year after year in unless relationships, my heart cringe.
Mistake number two not making me the number one priority. I spread myself too thin trying to play super women. I gave so much of my precious time to people who are no longer in my life because I was just a means to their end. I was busy being a savior. I gave away money that I should have saved for a rainy day. I was too trusting of people who claimed me as their ” friend” for most of my life I have been blinded sided by these so called ” friends”. Paying attention has never been my strongest trait. Its taken me from the age of 18 until 50 for the light bulb to come on in my head. Currently, I am 55 and the last five years of my life have been about me finally letting go of what hasn’t worked in my life. The toughest part of this new journey loosing my apartment and the fear of not knowing. In one year I moved 4 times, each move I lost personal items, money and time. My last stupid mistake believing that I had finally found the one. Not. He was the straw that literally broken the camels back.

I have suffered through childhood trauma, being a single teenage mother, and becoming a high school drop out. I spent one year on the welfare system before I gave up and got my first job as a home health aide, and  I survived 7 years of an abusive marriage. When I fought for my independent I did not understand that independence comes with a price. When a women desire to walk the road less traveled she become an outcast. I worked my way through college it took ten years complete three degrees. During this time I barely kept my head above water, and I experienced some of the worst relationships. What devastated me the most was the lack of love, compassion and support I needed from my family. July 2017, I lost my apartment at the same time I published my first novel a short memoir, followed by a short story. I had no idea that there was a writer inside of me. I turned to writing as a means to escape the pain of feeling unloved and abandoned. I auditioned for a classical chorus and with dedication and practice, practice, practice June 2019, I performed at Carnegie Hall. I created a YouTube channel Conversations with J. R. Floyd, a forum where I talk about relationship issues and everyday life problems that effect our ability to be who we truly are. I kept writing as a result I have two more books to be published in 2020.

In the last three years I have paid attention to old patterns that keep me trapped in cycles of being unproductive and distracted. Now I am the number one priority. And I am happy that I took the time to understand why my relationship weren’t successful. Its feels amazing to finally have my feet planted on firm ground. While on this journey back I reflect on something Virginia Woolf once said as she described the conditions necessary for a woman to unleash her full potential: privacy (a “room of one’s own”), and money (self-sufficiency). Woolf argues that, if women are to explore their potential, they must be allowed to pursue these basic necessities. In my case my own space.

December 1, construction of my new living space will begin and move in day is December 28, just in time to pop the Champaign and celebrate my new beginning with a new year ( 2020) . . I have opted to have a roommate living alone doesn’t appeal to me now that I am aging and my roommate is a perfect fit. This journey back has been difficult, scary, enlightening, stressful, disappointing set backs, tearful, hopeless, feelings of brokenness, confusion, and there were days that I just couldn’t understand why?
I am moving forward with the smell of fresh paint, new carpet, every single piece of furniture is new and I can’t wait to be back in my own kitchen. I decided that I will settle in for a while before I open the doors to invite people in. I am thinking Spring will be a good time to cook a family dinner and open the doors to my new space. Moving forward with the information I have learned I have 5 years until retirement. I will continue on my path of emotional healing, spiritual balance and immerse myself in my mental and physical well being. I have plans to spend my 56th birthday in Vegas, and I have two more trips planned for 2020. And for my retirement finale I am building a tiny house. Please believe the saying, ” life is what you make it”. This half of my life is certainly going to be my best life.
Thank you for taking the journey with me.

Ready Set Go!

Dear readers,

When arriving at a reasonable age of maturity, making a fresh start is difficult. The modern term for feeling tapped out or hitting rock bottom requires one to push the RESET button, the question is how?

I spent years working dead-end jobs, so I pushed the RESET button, and at the age of twenty-eight grindmy way through college. The payoff was an entry-level position at a Theatre Company as a junior manager. Diligently working my way up and after thirteen years, upper management said to me that I had “Hit the Glass Ceiling.”

RESET

I achieved another degree in Education and advanced from teaching in public school to the position of college adjunct lecturer. Once again I knocked on the door of the Chairperson, and was told that my years of experience and dedication to my students has not gone unnoticed, but, I need a DOCTORATE to acquire full-time status.

RESET

Years of living comfortable, independently and privately in my own space, I had to down size and relocate to a closet size apartment. There are days that all I have the energy to do is sit in my favorite chair sipping Merlot and thinking “REALLY.”

RESET

I am going to make peace with my tiny living quarters. Maybe living like a minimalist is what I need. By June 2017, I will complete my final Thesis, not for an advancement in my career, but for personal satisfaction, and I shall remain dedicated to my students. I no longer feel the need to seek approval from an Institution that bends the rules to accommodate some, but play by the book with others.

Maybe it is time to take my finger off the RESET button and press fast-forward.

What Say you?