Relationship Theory 101

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Dear Readers,

Most relationships happen by accident and some do not happen at all. Let me explain, I was having a conversation with a friend who happens to be a psychologist. We were talking about the relationships topics that I discuss on my You Tube Channel, Conversations with J. R. Floyd. His view on relationships is that most partnerships are not successful because people lack the knowledge of how to create and sustain the foundation for a long lasting relationship. Most people do not understand that there are stages of a relationship and how to work through these stages. Therefore, for some people this is what usually happens, people meet and they dive right into feelings, chaos creeps in then BOOM! The relationship is over leaving people to wonder what happened or did not happen. Most of the time relationships end with one or both partners feeling bitter. I am sharing this theory in hopes that people will stand back and observe the stage their relationship is in and if it is not the desired stage, then take steps bring balance into the relationship.

 

Stage 1: Romance: this is the dating or courtship process of getting to know each other without physical intimacy.

• Most couples move to quick towards the physical aspect in the beginning staged of a relationship. People rarely take time to know whom they are sharing their bodies with. At this stage of courtship women often, feel pressured into a physical relationship before they are ready. Most women comply because they want to keep the man interested in them.

Stage 2: Power Struggle: this stage is when people recognize that they are different, and they begin to work on the dynamics of the relationship. This is the most difficult stage because the couple is trying to find balance and there is sometimes the issue of control. Meaning person wants to take the lead role while dominating the other.

• In stage 2, the couple engage in heated arguments due to one partner wanting control: ( an equal partnership isn’t about control its about balance and compromise)

 

Stage 3: Stability, hopeful the couple is committed to building a strong partnership and they move into STAGE 3, only after they have resolved the power struggle in stage 2. Stability of a relationship happens when the couple can function as individuals for their own personal growth, but acknowledge and recognize that they are in a partnership and do things for the betterment of the relationship.

Stage 4: Commitment: At this stage, there is deeper and clearer communication about the state of the relationship and the future a couple might engage in conversations that lead to the transition to co-habitat or marriage, children, buying a house etc.

Stage 5: Co – creation this stage is where the power struggle is truly over and the building of the partnership continues after a certain number of years invested in the partnership. Each person feel secure and they moves towards investing in retirement for the freedom and security of their future.

To me, this theory makes sense and has stirred me to think about why the majority of my relationships were not successful. If an individual is not first, ground in who they are and what they want out of life; then their partnership will reflect the same disorganized as their thinking.

I hope you have enjoyed reading this information. For more relationship topics, subscribe to my You Tube Channel, Conversation with J. R. Floyd or listen to my podcast on Sound Cloud.

The Relationship Talk

You said “I’m running away,” but when I look down my feet are firmly planted on the ground.

You said, “I’m not willing to give in and let myself go.”

So, I said, “self-let’s think about this running away, giving in and letting go.” I’ve spent many days and nights pondering silently and sometimes speaking aloud about this “running away, giving in and letting go.” And I’ve come to concluded; what I am running away from the old stale, complacent, routine of a “RELATIONSHIP,” and the lack of romance, no not sexual intercourse, but good ole fashion remember the flowers, a love note or card, holding hands and a gift on date night just because.

I’m running away from being suffocated by a partner who continually whimpering about the lack of attention, which translates into not enough sex. Running from the idea that I owe wifely duties without the ring. Running away from not being supported, respected, valued and permitted space to grow as an individual.  Running away from the proposed thinking that we are one, Yep, when I think about it, I am running……..

Part 2, the unwillingness to give in. I do not quit comprehend what is meant by the term “give in.” Repeatedly in my mind I said “give in; give in” until the meaning became clear, don’t you mean, “Give up?”  Give up my time, passion and aspirations for the well-being of the “RELATIONSHIP” because there is no longer me, I, or self, but we, us and ours.

Finally, “letting myself go.” Hmmmmm…Go where and why? Do you mean immersing myself into the abyss of the “RELATIONSHIP” so deep that I forget who I am, and what I want out of this life, my life? Do you see where I am going with this?  I am running away, unwilling to give in and not letting go because…………..maybe you don’t need to know why?

This is what you should know. I would run towards and hold onto a man who truly understands and illustrates the qualities of what it means to be committed “PARTNERSHIP.” I am willing to give into and let myself go to walk on the wild side, with a man who accepts me as I am and sees’ the value of having me as their life partner.

I would like to feel secure and cared for by a man who is supportive of my career goals, ministry, and love for pets, romance and quite time. I am not willing to run to or give into and let myself go for a temporary lay or for Mr. Right now. I am willing to take a chance on always and forever.

What Say You?

Thinking of Self

Dear readers,

The thinking of some people is this once an individual decides to crossover from singlehood into the realm of a monogamist relationship, the word self cannot be used to describe him or her. Why? Because where there was once 1 now there is 2, and self no longer matters. The perspective of others is that the act of being selfish has no place in a relationship. In other words, people who are engaged in a bond of wild romance,  and sexual intimacy should think only about what is good for the ” relationship.” Individuals in a relationship should not act on their own or speak for themselves because their behavior would be considered to be selfish. Therefore, what affects the individual will trickle down to the relationship. Because where there was once 1 now there is 2.

What Say You?