Those Eyes

Dear Readers,

I rather see the world through the eyes of a child. To see the world with innocence, joy, playfully, no judgement, bright and smiling. Eyes that believe in fairies, and laughs at the stars. Eyes that are amazed at discovery and are in awww at silly things and butterflies, lady bugs, and rainbows. Eyes that don’t lie about emotions and sleep with angelic peace. The eyes of a child are unbiased, clear, and blameless. The eyes of a child uplifts, heals, and gives hope. 

Unlike the eyes of adults that are dark, unfocused, unsure, and they frown. These eyes are tinted by experience, they stop believing, they are filled with mistrust, and evil. The eyes of an adult beam with betrayal, anger, bitterness, shame and guilt. These eyes are serious, dull with responsibility, pain and suffering. Lost is the ray of hope, joy, happiness, and trust. The eyes of an adult are bleak, and have lost direction. 

I rather look at the world through the eyes of a child then I could wipe the tears from my adult eyes, smile and giggle at the funny man in the clouds. 

Thank you for stopping by Dragthepen

Reflection

Dear readers,

It was August 1, six years ago when I moved into my first one bedroom apartment after living in a studio for 14 years. I had a few boxes, old furniture, 100 books, high hopes and big dreams. I was happy. Today is a very sad day. I feel like I am burying an old friend, I’m being forced out. Not because I am a bad tenant I live in a  private house the landlord abruptly announced, ” The house is being rented, I’m moving my family out-of-state you have to go.” It took me a month to get over the shock. Three months later, my boxes are packed, I am leaving with new furniture,  fifty books,  and more shoes and clothes than I had six years ago.

I live In New York City finding an affordable apartment is not easy and that’s saying it nicely. I have arranged to put my tbelongings  in storage. while living with my long time best girl friendand her 22 year old son.

During the six years in my beautiful one bedroom complete with back yard, I’ve met and dated some horrible men, and made poor financial decisions. I’ve lost some weight, gained the weight, lost the weight and gain the weight back. Studied  for one years at Bible school and received my Ministry Licences. Started my first Blog, wrote and published my first Novel, ” The Waiting Game” on amazon, and entered two short shorties in a contest.  December 2016 completed a Novela ” A Different Flavor of Love” so to be out on amazon. I’m  currently revising a Novel I wrote with a college friend to be published next year. I have a second job$$$$$$$$$$$$$  my income is higher than is was six years ago. I auditioned  for the New York City down chorus, nailed it, this my third season with them. Its amazing I am leaving during the same season I moved in six years ago. And  the real big change I cut my locks after having them for 30 years.

I am sad, angry and feel betrayed. I blame myself. I wasn’t paying attention. I wasn’t focused. I was too busy try to be a part of a family that wasn’t mine. I feel ashamed, I’m educated, intelligent,  passionate about living life and trying new things. Oh, and I’m an amazing teacher. At the age of 53, I have to put my belongings in storage and live in someone else space.

Where do I go from here? Forward, step by step, day by day. taking on one task at a time. Bury myself in work and my writings. UNTIL I FIND MY OWN SPACE.

 

Hurts Worse Than a Heart Attack.

Dear readers, I have some thing personal to share with you.

 

Today, I’ve gone through a few emotions starting with anger, sadness, to disappointment. Its come me my attention that a person who have walked me through some tough situations over the past two years, has a bias against their black people. This bias is a result of having had an education paid for by their parents, living in an upscale community with the white elitist, paid for by their parents, and solely socializing with white people, because they feel that people of color, are beneath them. I wasn’t prepared for this news. I conclude that I was the token black friend to a person who I once respected and admired. It’s not easy for me to trust people. I’m at a loss for word.-Thank you for listening.

Splitting the Difference

Dear readers,

When a marriage ends in divorce, its sad, devastating and disruptive. Deciding who gets custody of the kids, pets and dividing finances equally, for some couples is difficult to negotiate. In the middle of this unsettling event , is friends and in-laws trying to determine how to split their loyalty between two people who they have formed an emotional bond to.

Regardless of the reasons a couple conclude that  their marriage has to end; they don’t factor in the emotional affect and mental anguish a divorce causes to the relationships outside the marriage. Choosing who takes the china, mini van, and the bed might be easy. However, there is no uncomplicated way to select who gets to keep which friends or how to carry on a relationship with the ex-in-laws.

My parents were married 32 years before my farther died. Twenty-two years later, my mother, is still in contact with his family. She has attended weddings, baby showers, graduations, and funerals. Many of my mother and fathers family and friend have moved back to South Carolina or North Carolina, but they have managed to say in connected with one another.

I know that death of a spouse is not the same of a divorce. The point I’m trying to make is,if death doesn’t affect the relationships with the extended family and friends  then why should a divorce be any different? I’m just say.

What Say You?