WHEN YOU ARE BLESSED.

My great niece MeMe

Dear Readers,

I stopped taking my blessings for granted.
Think about all the unnecessary complainting people do about what they don’t have or the things they think will make them happier. May I suggest you take a moment to think about the Millions of people who are struggling to meet their basic needs such as food, clothing and shelter.

I was one of those people who felt that a better apartment in a rich neighborhood would make me happier. But, my reality is I am abundantly blessed to have a beautiful, affordable, clean, safe, peaceful, and warm apartment in a quiet neighborhood, where people respect their homes, and an excellent landlord who cares about his tenants.

I am employed at not one but two places of business, my dream job as an educator and writing consultant, in addition to my part time gig as a counselor in a group home. Both allows me flexibility with my schedule, thus blessing me to be financially self sufficient to meet my other basic needs of food and clothing. The extra added bonuses such as travel, girls night out, buying good wine, and recently upgrading my living room and refurbishing the kitchen is all part of the amazing ways I am blessed.

Thus far I am deeply grateful to have made it through this pandemic without losing income, or more importantly friends or family to this virus, and none of my family lost their jobs or their homes. And in January 10, 2020 our family welcomed a new addition my great niece MeMe.

It doesn’t take much to look in your own back yard, so to speak to see the blessings. Think about this the next time you walk past a person sleeping on the streets in the cold, rain, heat, and snow. Don’t judge them we don’t know what lead them to their circumstances. And there might be some truth to the saying, ” we are all one pay check away from being homeless.” The next time you are in the presence of a person begging for food and he or she might be genuinely hungry. Think about how easy it is for you to purchase food using instacart, grub hub, doordash, and Uber or the tons food we throw away. While others are digging through garbage bins, grateful for food banks, soup kitchens and the SNAP program.

Dropping money like its hot shopping like the millionaire your not. Do you need to purchase another pair of designer shoes when the ones your brought last month haven’t been worn yet. Hand bags, outfits, shoes, boots, and jewelry piling up cluttering your already cluttered home, but you claim not to have anything to wear. I remember when I was a kid living in my parents house I had to eat what my mother prepared without complaining. Fast food, Chinese food, the corner Bodega, Dunkin Donuts, or 7 eleven wasn’t an opinion. My parents where thankful that they could provide hot meals, clothing and shelter for me and siblings.

I complain about not having a car, the reality is that I live in the greatest city ” The Big Apple” where mass transit operates 24/7, in addition to Uber, lyft, and other car services, I don’t mean to bragg, but I am fortunate to have a private car service, so why am I complaining, when I see people sleeping in trains and in train station for shelter and warmth.

The bottom line is regardless to all the crap I’ve experienced, and how bad I think my life is, as the old saying goes, ” there is someone out there who would change places with me in a heartbeat.” I am learning to practice gratitude daily. I am thankful for my life, and all that I have.

Me and my cousin

Question. Are you thankful for your life and all that you’ve been blessed with?

Is today the day?

Dear Readers,

Have you ever asked yourself, ” is today the day?” until my recent adventure driving cross country, I’ve never pondered this question. While on the road I was caught up in site seeing and overwhelmed by the beauty of the land. I didn’t have time to think about my misspend youth, tramadic relationships, or the next step in my healing process. I didn’t take any self help books, nor did I journal about my past emotional trauma. When I returned home my thoughts drafted towards ways to carve out more vacation time, and weekend get aways, how to make changes to my work schedule, and cut back on others projects.

I don’t have problems with the healing process, what I take issues with is this no one told me when the process would be over. I’ve been engrossed in finding answers, asking why, and stewing in anger and resentment towards the people involved in the trauma of my past. I’ve waited for years for a Tah – Dah the announcement or approval that it is safe for me to begin living, trusting, believing, to meet new people, and to discover a sincere emotionally balanced intimate connection with a partner I feel safe with, instead of being neglected and abused.

During my time on the road I experiencied true freedom. I didn’t feel the weight from the pain of my past, my adventure cross country showed me how long I’ve been under the strain of the darkness of depression and fear that I forgot how to walk in the life of joy, happiness, peace, adventure, to develop loyal friendships, and reconnect with family. I thought the safe thing to do was to shut myself off and build up walls. I voted never again. My negative thinking dragged me deeper into a pit of dispire.

This is the day, year, and time for me to stop hiding behind the fear of making mistakes. This is the day to silence the angry voices that I have allowed to hold me back. Today, is the day that I trust myself to live and walk forward with caution.

Is today your day to be free?

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen ❤️

The way things used to be

Ladies, may I gentlely suggest that you cease being angry because you were delivered from relationships or a situation that did not honor you, but only brought you pain and brokeness. Despite the negative messages from society being single whether by force or choice should be viewed as a gift and not a death sentence.

Think about this. When you were in that relationship or situationship with the person you thought you couldn’t live without, did you feel safe, respected, loved and protected? Were your needs besides the physical ones attended to or did you feel abandoned? Were your dreams, vision and goals nurtured, supposed and encouraged? How many times promise were broken, lies were told, and you struggled with conflicts of suspected infidelity because you had to worry about them, they, he, she, or her being a part of what you thought was an exclusive situations. And you wonder why you have trust issues.

Did you wait your turn in line because you weren’t a priority? Count the times you gave or lent money because bae, boo, your ride or die knew you wouldn’t say no. You broke up, he, she, they, or them begged their way back into your life. Why, because when your alone you allow feelings of desperation, loneliness, lust, and the voice of others advising you to move on, and you do, you fall right back into the same destructive patterns in the next situationship.

Why am I saying all of this? Because this use to be me. No, my truth doesn’t reflect the experiences of others, but I know that their is more than a few women reading this that have walked in these shoes. I am not a relationship guru, I am a women who have walked on the dark side of more than one dysfunctional situationship. In 2015, I wrote my first book The Waiting Game, where I reveal my personal experiences about how men and women who are emotional broken and how we mistreat each other in relationships.

It’s taken me years to heal from the damage caused by an horrible childhood, and the trauma due to abusive relationships. It wasn’t until I made the choice to put me first, and stood firm on who I would and would not allow in my life as friends and intimate partners. I am truly happy for my journey. I understand the gift of being single and using this time to heal, reflect, renew, and discover who I am, and my path. I am maturing spiritually and developing a stronger emotional foundation. It’s been 4 years and I am learning so much about life. I have discovered the joys of traveling, truly enjoying my own company, I relish my freedom, I protect my peace, and most important, I support, love, encourage, inspire, and provide myself the life I know that I deserve, and it is amazing.

I hope I have inspired you.
Love yourself