Dear Love

Dear, Readers, at the start of this new year ( 2020) I invited my readers, supporters and viewers of my You tube Channel, Conversations with J. R. Floyd, to join me in a long adventure with writing a letter to self. for each month i read my letter to self on my you tube channel and live on Facebook. the mission of my Brand, conversations with J. R. Floyd is to uplift people who;s heart and spirit have been broken. if you missed my letter to self in January you can find it on my You Tube channel. thank you for stopping by dragthepen.

 

Dear Love, 

For a long, long time I did not know who you were. Oh, I have heard talk about romantic love, passionate love, poetic love, fake love, black love, sister love and love of a spouse. My entire life I did not know that the intense longing in my soul was because I needed you, and I  did not understand that authentic love comes from the pure dept of a person’s heart and spirit. My misunderstanding of love begin when I was a child I did not know the sweet comforts of the words “ I love You”  there weren’t any loving hugs, night time kisses, bedtime stories, and no one scared away the things that went bump in the night. Instead, I was shooed away told to disappear, be quiet and keep my needs to myself. So, I went through my childhood, adolescence and adulthood thirsting for the security, protection, warmth, a sense of belonging and a deep soul connection. Along this journey to find LOVE, I mistaken lust for love, men’s aggressive and jealous behavior as love, my thinking was wrong because I took the verbal and aggression towards as an expression of LOVE.. 

 

I did some things that I am ashamed of in exchange for what I thought was LOVE. I was betrayed, conned, mislead, and broken over and over, and I once almost conspired to sell my soul to the devil for the sake of feeling this LOVE. At this point in my life it is too late for the father daughter talk, my father is no longer with me in the flesh. And my relationship with my mother is distant and broken, I made many attempts to reach out to her to ask why had she been an emotionally detached mother, but she ignored my plea.. 

 

So, here I am LOVE, not chasing you anymore. I have shut down the lustful desires of my flesh in exchange of getting to know who I am,  loving myself is my only priority. You see LOVE, I have been looking for you in all the wrong faces and hearts. You have lead me down some long dark dank tunnels only to abandon me. I will no longer be fooled by your smooth talk, unfulfilled promises, and your touch of fornication will no longer have a hold on my soul. 

 

My first LOVE will be me. Yes, you heard me. I have begun the process of loving me first and unconditionally. I am going to give to myself security and protection from all the Don Juans  of this world who seek to suck out my soul and drain my spirit. I will provide for me, and keep promises to myself, I look forward to each day with joy and excitement of seeing me grow into the person I can LOVE. I am not going to look for you, LOVE anymore. This is a new day, I am walking a new path, and you should come to find me, and by the time you catch up to me I will be the LOVE you are looking for.  

 

Next months letter to self, Dear  LIFE.

The return of the mad Dater

Hello readers, pardon my absence, I was stricken with flu, or to put is as my son say, ” I was  on the bed of affliction.”

My last post I wrote a scenario revealing how some women are fooled  by seemly well intended admirers. These women allow themselves to be led  by emotions, instead with their minds. As I promised part two:  It’s all about the Ring , The flip side of the Dating Game.

Girl spots boy, boy shows a little interest, girl  makes the first play because boys isn’t moving  fast enough.

Girl slips boy her number, boys smiles but doesn’t call. Feeling frustrated, girl changes the game, she dresses seductively and slutty. Boy pretends to like what he see, he calls , she is excited, they make a date.

Girl cleans her place, cooks, wines and dines him, boys observation during dinner: she drinks too much, she talk too much, she is wearing  cheesy  lingerie,and she asks too many questions about his career and salary.

Boys thinks she is easy and looking to be a kept women.

Girl, turns up the heat, boys decides to play along.

In the mean time…..several months have passed, girl and boy are in an intimate courtship.

Girl is pushing for them to move in  together, boy resists.

Girl make hints about marriage, he ignores her, but he continues to enjoy the fruits of the physical relationship.

Girl is getting frustrated it’s approaching the one year mark and still no ring. She is desperate and plans a trip. he agrees because she is playing for the ” romantic getaway.”

While hanging out in their boudoir, she encourages him to drink lots of champagne. Time for romance, girl pokes holes into condom, boy unaware.

Six weeks later pregnancy test positive, girl excited, she breaks the news to him, he is disappointed, but vows to take care of the child.

She continues to try to win him over, all efforts fail.

….Fast forward one year later,  she  bumps into boy and another girl, he introduces her as his wife.

Girl crying asking why? Why did she get the ring?

I can answer that question. It’s not about getting the ring or setting traps to get it.  Its a mans desire to have a woman in his life that represents honesty, self respect and above all she should  have class and standards.  Men of integrity can spot women who are entering a relationship with less than honorable intention. To some women getting a ring is about establishing a life time of security and they will do what ever it take to hold onto the ring not the man.

What say you?