WHO SAID YOU HAVE TO CHANGE?

dragthepen aka conversations with J. R. Floyd

Dear Readers, 

It is not your responsibility to change someone or make them into someone different. People are capable of change, but that should be their decision. When we encounter people, the choice is to either accept them for who they are or move on. I know that it is not easy learning to deal with other people’s pet peeves, faults, and what we see as habits. Ladies there is no prince charming so get your head out of the fairy tales, and rethink revising that long wish list of requirements for what you think will be the perfect mate. Men stop fantasizing about Beyonce or Kim Kardashian. Those are plastic Barbie dolls surgical enhanced superficial women who will not look twice at your sagging belly and receding hairline. People snap out of your daydreams and look at the person in front of you growing with disappointment because you wish she or he would change. 

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be with a physically attractive person, however sometimes beautiful people come with ugly souls and bad characteristics. It is not our responsibility to nag people into becoming the ideal mate according to the impossible Standards of beauty and materialistic needs. I have learned from years of bad choices and reading and believing self-help relationship books about ” how to have the man of my dreams” for years I worked out and starved myself to create a body that men would like, only to be ignored and ill-treated. Do not feel sorry for me this was my fault, why, because the men I encountered did not asked me to change. If they were getting their needs met, they did not care about changing me because I was already what they wanted weak and desperate.

I spent thousands on clothes, hair, make up, lingerie and time and energy to improve myself to be better, so when my prince arrived there would be nothing about me that needed to change or improve. Oh, how shallow was my thinking. I was preoccupied with my outer appearance that I was not paying attention to the fact that I was suffering from low self-worth. When people struggle with low self-esteem and self-worth that is when others prey upon them because people who struggle with lack of self-confidence will allow people to change them because of the desperation to be like, love and belong.

I strived and arrived at the age of fifty-eight. Learned many lessons through difficult experiences that did make me stronger, wiser, and proceeding with caution. I do not wish for people to change to suit me because I have learned to let people be who they are and keep checking on who I am. Remember the saying, ” be careful what you wish for because you just might get it”. When you create the monster, you must learn to live with what you created.

Its Okay Not To Push Through

Photo by Susanne Jutzeler on Pexels.com

What do you do on the days you don’t want to push through? I get it when people say “this too shall pass, and feelings don’t come to last”, but today I don’t want to push through.

There’s not a dark cloud in the sky making me feel blue because the sun is shining through.

Why is it on this day I can’t push through? I don’t want to drag this weight on my back, This burden of emotional sack, why have you come to attack?

Yesterday, I was on the right track, but today, things just don’t seem right.
I close my eyes and breathe hoping to reset, recharge, energize, only to realize today I just can’t push through.

Then a thought occured, why am I asking myself to do something I am unable to do? Maybe, I don’t need to push through. I said, ” self It’s okay to delay the deadlines or not to be all that I can be today.”

After all who am I hurting? What harm am I causing? No one will be disappointed if I can’t push through today. And even if there is a moment of disappointment, oh well, ” this to shall pass.”

To the people who arrive at a day that you can’t push through, it’s okay. It’s a burden to be strong and smile everyday. Sometimes the rain is too much to bear and when these days come it is okay not to be okay. It’s important to recognize what your feeling and why you can’t push through, most important be kind to yourself.

People will say to you push through and you will be okay, they mean well, but this is horrible advice. You don’t always have to be strong, brave, smiling, positive, superwoman or superman,or the life of the party. How you feel on the days you can’t push through is important. We live in a society that has adapted bad habits of ignoring the warning signs when our bodies and spirits signals us to slow down, and pay attention before hitting that brick wall.

On the day you can push through don’t. Take a break.The world will continue without you. It always has and will. Remember, Self Matters.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen ❤️

I Don’t Miss The Chaos

Dear Readers,

People often say, ” it’s the little things that matter.” I say the little things become the best parts of our lives. I often write about how grateful I am to experience living in peace, and for some people experiencing peace might not be such a big deal. On the contrary, for me reaching a level of clarity and understanding of how drama from outside and inside my home contributed to me sinking into depression is a very big discovery. As long as I have known myself, my life have been one long tragedy, and I didn’t know how or when I was going to get off the wild roller coaster of one traumatic experience after another. It seemed like I was a magnet for chaos. But I digress, today’s post isn’t about the emotional damage of depression, but how I’ve achieved inner peace, maintain a healthy emotional and mental balance, and why I am determined to protect the peace in my life.

I use to mistake the peace in my home as loinliness and a punishment for not settling for abusive and unhappy. relationships. I thought that the peace in my home was the costly price I’ve paid for choosing my emotional healing. I took for granted that the peace in my home was a means of me being selfish because I didn’t want others, especially a man to intrude, so I shut my doors keeping them out.

Some people think of me as being odd, an introvert, difficult to get along with, secretive, strange, and some say sneaky. I make no apologies I’ve changed, no I have been transformed, and I can’t run with the same pack anymore. In the presence of peace my creative mind is free of chatter and distractions of other people’s needs. In the moments of peace I soak in the presence of my own company, kicking up my feet and enjoying the sound of my own laugher because there is no one around to tell me that I am too loud.

My peace means freedom from the burdens of being criticize for being too much or not enough. My freedom means that I can choose to be or not to be. My peace is healing making me stronger, self reliance, and in my strength I am capable of achieving my goals, and to create the life I deserve without the burden of him or them reminding me of my limitations or should I say the limitations that others were placing on me. I respect and own my peace and freedom because I know the burden of living and only knowing chaos and dysfunctional environments. At my worse I know that there was another way to live, but I didn’t know how to get to the other side.

I write and share about my experiences because I know that there are others out there who are struggling to find peace in their homes and in their lives. There are people who claim to have it all, the home, career, money and the perfect relationship, but that’s only what we see on the outside. I personally know people who are glad for soical media to use as a means to fake and escape their unhappiness. I can’t tell you the countless times people have said to me, ” they wish for a little peace and alone time” or that ” they should have made better choices” and the big one,
” if they could turn back the hands of time they would live life differently.” Today, I am overjoyed that I am not one of those people, and l and don’t take for granted that I have the chance to live a better quality of life.

In the presence of my peace, I take my time making well throughout decisions. I don’t open the door inviting everyone into my life because I think that they are good people. My home is not just walls and floors it’s sacrificed. Everything in my home has meaning the colors, smells, the food I cook, and even the manner I clean my home represents me on the inside and outside, and all the people who I chose to enter my home will be a representative of my peace.

To be honest I never thought that I would see the day when I would be in a position of peace. And from where I sit it’s a beautiful place to be.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen.

Photo by Ekaterina Belinskaya on Pexels.com

A Saturday Reflection

Dear Readers,

In an ideal world I would have loved to wake up to the warm body of the man I love and a breakfast tray brought to my bed. I grind hard and would enjoy spending this perfect cozy, lazy Saturday with my partner who appreciates me and the effort I put into life and making our partnership a priority. Unfortunately, we don’t live in an ideal world. I woke up along, but praise God for the warm bed and roof over my head. I made my own breakfast tray and enjoy resting in bed before heading out to complete the business of the day. Life would be made easier with a help mate who truly understand that a relationship is a partnership with a balance of two people sharing the daily tasks of life. I am blessed that I am able to take care of myself, but this isn’t the way the creature planned for a man and woman to be alone. Most people like myself choose singleness over settling . I haven’t given up on love I choose to love me and wait until the man who is truly right for me to enters my life. Love yourself you are worth it💖

Now Versus Then

Dear Readers, The information that we gain over time through experiences is what shapes us. How many time have you hear people say, ” I wish I knew then what I know now.” maybe I would have made better choices. I say, what you didn’t know then wasn’t for you to know. We are a result of our experiences whether negative or positive it’s because we work with the information we are given, and sometimes we work with what we think we know on our own. It is never too late to use the new information that we are given in order to make out life better. Thank you for watching and  don’t forget to like this video.

 

 

Value In our Experiences

Dear Readers,

Many years ago I read Self Matters by Dr. Phil, In the Meantime and Value in the Valley, by Iyanla Vanzant, this was in the 90s, at that time I was under the silly notion that reading these books was going to make me a better person for the next relationship.

Here it is 24 years later, and I revisited these same books and the message is much clearer. Why? Today, I have better understanding that seeking to be a better me for the sake of a relationship was at the root of me thinking that I needed validation as a women, and this validation depended on whether I was successfull in a relationship.

What I did not understand then was how to value my experiences even when they were painful, and emotionally damaging. I did not receive the lesson that I was supposed to be better for me. So the more I worked at being better for the next relationship the less I knew about me.

I did not know that I was supposed to learn lessons about why I seeked out men who were only interested in the physical aspect of the relationship. I did not comprehend that the time in between relationships should be used for self reflection. I did not want to be alone and I thought the cure for my loneliness was a man. I was unaware that the period of transition from one relationship to the next is called the “meantime”… a time to heal, reflect, and wait. My in the meantime meant crying, depression, drinking, and trying to figure out ways to make him come back. It was always about the relationship because I did not know that self mattered until I read Dr. Phil’s book. What I gathered is this that a dyfuncational self leads to attracting dyfuncational and abusive men.

The value in my experience taught me what wasn’t working and why. I was putting too much attention nursing my pain and thinking this isn’t going to happen again, but it did happen more times than I care to count.

I blamed men. I convinced myself that they were mean, abusive, cold, heatless, lairs, cheaters, cheap and can not be trusted. After years of soul searching, healing and learning about myself, I understand my role in opening the door for the abuse. I believed the lies because I did not  want to face the truth. I knew the men I was involved with were cheaters and cheap. They weren’t heartless and cold these men did not want to be emotionally connected to me they way I desired. The men from my past knew that I had low self esteem, and that I hadn’t discovered my self worth. They saw me as an opportunity and a means to an end.

As difficult as this may be to hear there is Value in our Experiences. While we are going through the darkness we can’t see the lessons. It is when we step away from the drama, and push through to the light we can come to terms with the experiences that teach the lessons that brings awareness.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen.

Please visit my website

https://www.conversationswithjrfloyd.com/

When The Beauty Fades

Dear Readers,  we live in a society where body shaming is due to people trying to live up to an ideal body image. Question, what happens in a relationship over time when a partners beauty fades and their physical appearance changes, do you consider looking elsewhere or do you stay and embrace and love your partner? Let’s be realistic nothing  stays the same, over time things change, but this is not the same as a person letting themselves go. as most people do.  I hope that this will inspire people to have intimate conversations with each other and begin to heal.

Thank you for watching. For more relationship topics subscribe to my YouTube channel  Conversations  with J. R. Floyd

PodCast

Dear Readers,  Happy 4th of July.🇱🇷

 

white and red flag

Photo by Aaron Schwartz on Pexels.com

I have ventured out into a new area. I have a podcast, Conversations  with J. R. Floyd, on Sound Cloud. Listed below are a few topics. Happy listening.😊

  • Looking for Love
  • Who are you dating? Guard your heart
  • Readings from my first novel, The Waiting Game
  • Broken people in relationships
  • Stolen Innocence
  • Trends and expectation in relationships
  • Guard your emotions
  • I refused to allow you to steal my joy
  • Childhood scares
  • Be the person you want to meet
  • Empower yourself
  • The stages of a relationship
  • My story. My journey
  • How do you use your words

The you for listening.💖

J. R.  host of Conversations with J. R. Floyd on You Tube

 

Brand New Day

Happy Anniversary to me

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Dear Readers,
It’s the one year Anniversary of Conversations with J. R. Floyd. One year since I created this platform of having Conversations with you on my You Tube Channel and live on Facebook. It’s the people that support my efforts of making my vision a reality and for this I am deeply grateful.
I am celebrating life in a new way because life has not always been good. In 2013, I stated this journey of self-discovery, and I have learned so much about me and why I was headed down a road of darkness.
For a long time I didn’t think that my life was worth getting out of bed day after day. I didn’t feel any joy in the things that I was doing, and getting my education drained me. For years I worked two job in order to support myself. The biggest disappointment is that I did not acquire the career path I envisioned. At the time I did not understand that my life would take a different turn that would lead me to creating something more meaningful with my life.
After succumbing to a three year depression over my failed attempt of becoming a public school teacher, and struggling through a few disastrous relationships; In 2015 I hit rock bottom emotionally and financially I wanted life to end. But I keep pushing holding into the last bit of hope that someday my life would change. And change it did but change wasn’t without its own set of struggles.
It all started with a Valentine’s Day post that I do each year on Facebook. A friend of mine read the post and asked me did I have a blog, of course the answer was no. She introduced me to the world of WordPress, it took about three months before I got the hang of blogging. I went from blogging to drafting my first novel ” The Waiting Game” follow by a short short, ” A different flavor of Love”, This same friend introduced me to the world of self publishing . The journey has not been easy I have a lot to learn. The biggest lesson I have learned is that I am capable of doing more then what I expected of myself, the truth of the matter is that I was limiting myself.
Last year 2018, I created Conversations with J. R. Floyd, my You Tube channel out of frustration of a failed engagement. I had to stop myself because I wasn’t making progress and my quality of my life was ZERO. I relocated a great distance away from friends and family. I put completing my Masters in Education on hold. I took a three month leave of absence from teaching, and kept working three days at my second position as a residence counselor. I did not watch TV, checked my email twice a day ( Morning and Evening) I only posted what I needed on my Facebook page one a week, and asked my family and friends to respect my need for space and time out.
I found this amazing group of women on Instagram and joined a 90 day writing and journal challenge. No matter the daily obstacles I stuck to the plan. I ate clean, worked out as often as I could and started reading again. As I result of the 90 days in seclusion I completed my journal of 90 of self reflection, discovery and renewal, I have decided to publish this journal in hoped that people will read it and understand that they are not alone in their struggles. Conversations with J. R. Floyd is my new brand. I have found my notch.
Wow. What a difference a year makes. I still do not watch much TV, I like the reading and their is so much I have to learn about becoming a public speaker, in my new BIO I list myself as being a Singer, Blogger, Writer, Educator, and Motivational and Transformation Coach and Speaker. June 17, 2019, after three years of preparing I finally made it to Carnegie Hall to perform Robert Schumann’s Requiem with my classical chorus. This month July, I am traveling to California to tape my show Conversations with J. R. Floyd. My life has taken on a fresh new existence. I walk taller and I have a sense of clarity that I have never had.
I will always be true to my first love teaching, I never became a public school teacher, life had others plans for my talents. I teach English Literature and Grammar workshops to ESL students at a Community College. This past Winter ( Jan to June) I had the privilege to teach my first and I hope not my last High School Equivalency class to a group of amazing adults. My path in life is clear I am called to use my knowledge of the English language to inspire my students, develop my skills as a writer/blogger, while conquering the area of public speaking.
I am no longer trying to establish a career because I now know that I have to create my own opportunity. I know my Romeo is out there, but right now, I am not interested in interrupting my flow, I like my peace, my space to create, the new path that I am walking and the people’s lives that I am touching. When I wake up each morning I have purpose and the drive and energy to make my vision a reality. Happy Anniversary to me.
P.S. coming up soon my new website, my 90 days of Refection, Discovery and Renewal journal soon to be published, In the meantime, my first two novels ” The Waiting Game” & A Different Flavor of Love” are available on Amazon.
Thank you for reading, commenting, and watching my videos
J. R. Floyd a.k.a Dragthepen