Time For A New Attitude

Dear Readers, 

If this is your first time following me, dragthepen is dedicated to discussing issues that impact our relationships and our daily lives. Last week Monday, I was live on facebook and asked my viewers  this question, When we were ordered to be sheltered in place what changes took place in their marriage, partnership, or entanglement? This discussion is focused on you about self reflection, question,  have you given any thought to how you’ve changed or made changes in your life since being sheltered in place?

While enclosed in our homes we had a lot to handle trying to maintain a healthy mental and emotional balance. Now that we have had time to enjoy summer and fall and winter is fast approaching, have you taken time to think about your life and the adjustments that moving forward require you to make?

Most people don’t want down time to reflect on their lives because they may discover areas of their life that makes them uncomfortable to think about. Instead, they prefer to avoid what needs to be addressed. It takes a brave and honest person to confess weakness, struggles and disappointments.

Can you honestly look at yourself in the mirror and say to yourself that before the coronavirus rolled into town that you were 100 percent happy with all areas of your life? Or were moments when you came to the conclusion that you should reevaluate your life.

I understand that people continue to struggle with finances, unemployment, home school, working from home, eviction, and are simply concerned about their future. I’ve had conversations with family members, friends, co- workers and other people who say, “that this crisis has caused them to come face to face with areas of their life that they either avoided improving and they have regrets and hope to have a chance to make changes.”

Some people said that they regret not taking vacations and enjoying life more, they should have watched their spending and saved more money, completed their education, made an effort to work on their relationships, and complete unfinished projects, they worry over the pain caused by broken promises. I heard repeatedly from people that this crisis has called to their attention the things in life that are truly important. This nation has been through a great test this year concerning the destruction from the corona virus and racial tension and it seems that nothing is getting better, so it’s easy for people to give up.   

And with all the things that people have to cope with it’s difficult for them to think about self-care. I am saying to you take a moment to think about how this crisis has changed you. What is important to you in order to move forward, make changes and create a better life. Take a moment for you. 

I’ve taken advantage of this down time reading more, and I’ve discovered that I like this slower pace of life. I have decided not to go back to draining myself on the grind. I want a more focused life, working on projects that have meaning and purpose, no more filling up my calendar until I can’t breathe, I don’t have to be all things to all people. I enjoy blogging, writing books, ( My third  will be released  Dec). I want time to produce more YouTube videos for my channel Conversations with J. R. Floyd. I am working on my script for a documentary I will produce in the summer of 2021. Oh and the biggest change I am transitioning to a new profession. This new career move will allow me the time to pursue all the goals that I have planned.

The world has changed and it will continue to change. changes that wasn’t expected but the coronavirus has forced us to change. How are you going to move forward and embrace CHANGE?

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen.

Recovery Day

Dear Readers, 

Recovery day, some people advise taking a self care day. My question to you is do you take time to create a structured recovery day? While you’re thinking about the answer, bear in mind that some people become deeply caught up in the “ Grind” that they lose focus and the drive to create a good self care plan for them and family.  

Recovery day is an entire day off from physical and mental work. I am thankful that I live alone and my peace on recovery days is not disturb. Even if you live at home with family, think about introducing recovery day, especially if there are children in the home. Teaching children how to have a recovery day or down time will be helpful to their emotional and mental well-being, children will understand how to enjoy quiet time at home. Most homes are filled with  noise, chaos, 24 hours TV watching, video games, social media, babies crying, children running, playing, and fighting, and no one is paying attention to how all of this chaos and noise is affecting them emotionally and mentally.  

I am talking from experience. Growing up as a child privacy and quiet time was not taught it was frowned upon. My parents’ attitude was I lived in their house and should abide by their rules, so staying in my room for private or quiet time was viewed as being defiant. When I became an adult and started living on my own I began to understand the importance of developing good habits of structuring recovery days. 

 My rules for recovery day

  1. No house cleaning 
  2. Sleep late or just rest in bed
  3. Eat healthy foods and drink lots of water
  4. No checking social media, emails, or long phone conversations 
  5. Think about the week ahead and plan 
  6. If you have children limit watching television, read or play board games 
  7. Have a family meal and talk
  8. Connect with self wash your hair, give a self manicure and rub your feet 
  9. If the weather permits take a walk

 Recovery day should end either by making popcorn and watching a good movie or continue reading that book you want to finish, and go to bed early time.  

Thank to for stopping by dragthepen.

Today is the Day. The Chase is Over.

Dear Readers, 

It all came down to today. This is the day. The chase is over. I am 56 years old and I have finally reached the moment of full clarity, peace and the healing process is getting better and better. The feelings of heaviness, fear, anger, and resentment these emotions and voices will no longer have the power to burden me and whisper to me that I am not worth it. My healing process began in 1992 and at the time I thought that it would take me about a year to heal from the damage of my childhood, an abusive marriage, and what I didn’t know was from years of more abusive relationships that included the intimate relationships and family and friends. Let me tell you this  when you find yourself on the path to healing from emotional, sexual and physical brokenness don’t expect the people closest to you to be supportive, in some cases they are the people who will become obstacles on your journey, and you will have to make the choice to leave them behind with the rest of the wreckage. 

Today is the day that I can release years of pain, suffering, anger, and the struggles of chasing after the unknown. Today is the day I understand that what kept me prisoner was how I was thinking, and becoming a slave to the idea that my life was worthless because I haven’t become the success of the American dream. I don’t own a house, a car, and I don’t make a six figure salary. I berated myself mentally for not getting it right and for having to start over and over. When I think back on how many years that I didn’t feel loved , but search for love and the whole time I didn’t love me because I thought that it was the duty of others to love me, and my anger grew when I didn’t receive love. I  used sex as a means to feel. I was dead inside, but I thought sex would make me feel something, The only result of this behavior was more emptiness and being used as an object of pleasure, and not being cherished as a whole being. 

Today, Friday, July 24, 2020 as I sit in my bedroom with tears flowing, pouring out all the suffering, pain, uncertainty, and years of dying over and over and reliving the same tragedy over and over, I was numb and bitter. I was a slave to depression, eating orders and carrying around the  negative labels that others heaped on me because I believed them. I am not ashamed to say that I never fully experienced a mother’s love, but I am no longer going to allow that to drag me down.  On July 20, 2020, we celebrated my mother’s 76th birthday and I am enjoying the relationship we presently have.  I am no longer struggling, no let me rephrase that I am no longer choosing to struggle or to see life as a struggle. There are challenges, but I don’t choose to see them as a problem or a negative experience.  

I am thankful for all the intimate relationships that did not work out because they were not the ones for me and each one taught me a lesson. I am thankful for all the friends that left me when I was at my darkest moment because these people enlighten  me how to carefully invest in true friendship. I am thankful for this time of being alone in my own space because it has prepared me to understand who I am and to never allow loneliness to rear its ugly head to force me into the fear of running into another dysfunctional relationship so that I would be distracted from continuing on my journey of healing. I am thankful for being sheltered in place, although the world continues to be in chaos I have used this time to center myself in a state of peace. I am thankful for being able to work from home. I am thankful for the gifts and talents I have discovered that keep me free from  thinking that I will spend the rest of my life a slave to punching a time clock.  I am thankful for the friends and family who stuck with me through all of my drama. I am thankful for my blogging community. 

Today is the day that I released that I have a wealth of experiences to share by publishing my books on amazon. I am thankful for the creations of Conversations with J.R. Floyd, that gives me a public voice on all major social media platforms to help others to heal.  It’s been a bumpy and  dark, but amazing journey and I know that life is better because I am making it better. 

Who am I? I am J. R. Floyd , Inspirational Coach, Author, Singer, and Educator, currently works as a College Writing Consultant. A winner of the Jacob A. Weiser play-writing award for her work The Conversation. She was a freelance writer for Street News, and appeared in the gospel play Oh Lord: Why Did I get Married?She is a member of the BMCC Downtown Chorus. Performed at Carnegie Hall in the Manhattan Concert Productions: Let you Voice Be Heard, 2019. Author of The Waiting Game, A Different Flavor of Love & 90 Days of Reflection, Discovery, & Renewal.  


Thank you for stopping by dragthepen.

ALL IS WELL

Dear Readers, 

Sometimes life has a way of stopping us in our tracks helping us understand life on life’s terms, and to see the other picture behind the bigger picture. People are blinded by striving for professional success and clawing their way up the class and economic ladder, due to being dissatisfied with their current class status. We wish for more and do our best to keep up the JONESES, while theorizing that the grass is greener on the other side.

That Was Me. 

People have told me that I am a late bloomer my life played out in reverse.. I was a high school dropout, unwed teenage mother, and experienced years of working low paying jobs. It took time, but I found my way back on the right path to acquiring an education, where I discovered the love of English Literature. Victory you say, yes, and no, my story doesn’t end there. I have enjoyed years of academic success, but what spoiled my triumph was that I brought into the societal notion that I should fit myself into the idealized American Dream. This piece isn’t about how I achieved my American Dream, on the contrary, I did not achieve any dream because I was trying too hard to adjust to someone else’s Idea about how my life should play out. It almost RUINED me, I brought into the claim that “ one size fits all”. 

It was my pursuit of an inmate partnership  meaning to find Mr. right and to “ settle down” into a long term loving partnership. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be in a loving partnership, however, what I was doing was “ Settling” . I was literally looking for love in all the wrong faces. I confess that I viewed being alone as a disease, when I should have embraced my alone time as time to work on me ,and make the foundation of life stronger. I did not understand how to be with myself, and that I was in charge of my happiness, instead of relying on others to give me what I need to give to myself. I suffered years of abusive relationships and never truly found the person to show me genuine love, honesty, support my career goals, and my vision of becoming an author, and talk show host. A few years ago I was almost homeless because the man that I was engaged to asked me to leave his home immediately, because I refused to submit to him controlling my life. I struggled with  years of being emotionally and financially broken, confused and angry.  

I used to complain that my life wasn’t successful, I viewed my life as “ wasteful” , and then I read this quote by Susan Samarro, “ Nothing you’ve been through has been wasted”. Before entering the teaching profession, I spent 13 years as a well paid theater manager at a wonderful Performing Arts Center. There I witnessed operas’ page to stage, film festivals, and artist in residence programs, not to mention some famous movies that were filmed at my venue. In 2006, I took a final curtain bow and began my Masters program in Education while working as a floor supervisor at The Learning Resource Center. After completing my education I dove head first into my love of teaching Literature. Sounds like the perfect comeback story, oh yes it is. It took me to be sheltered in place during this coronavirus pandemic, that ALL IS WELL. While the world is in chaos, being sheltered in place has given me the time, space and peace that I have never known. The time to set up my new apartment room by room, lesson learned never give up my place to move in with a man. Second lesson, being home means spending less money, paying off bills, reviewing my finances and on the path to repairing my credit, and the savings is great.I am learning that I am at my best when I live alone, but currently, I have a roommate who temporarily went back home to her family. I cherish this down time. It makes good financial sense to have the support of a roommate, but moving forward I enjoy my own space. 

All is well because I know who I am, what I want and how to bring joy into my life. I enjoy coffee in bed, and sleeping late, cooking vegan meals, laying on the sofa watching movies, while  sipping wine and eating popcorn. I like the peace, quiet and space to create. I like being with me. I am not giving up on finding my life partner, but this is no longer at the top of my bucket list.  Today, I can truly say with confidence  ALL IS WELL. I am moving forward with the courage of a lioness, the sky is not the limit because I will never place limitations on what I can accomplish. 

Thank you for stopping by Dragthepen

Season of Reflection

 

Dear Readers,

Hello and Good day. We are entering the season of Lent. A time to withdraw into a quiet place for reflection, fasting and abstinence. Most people view this 40 days of reflection as something they have to give up. I encourage you to think about this LENTEN season as a time for prayer and to disconnect from the people, places and things that hinder your emotional and spiritual growth. During this LENTEN season I have decided to disconnect from social media and HULU. Yes, I am a big HULU watcher. However, I will continue to post my Conversations with J. R. Floyd videos. I pray that all goes well for you during this season of LENT.

A Saturday Reflection

Dear Readers,

In an ideal world I would have loved to wake up to the warm body of the man I love and a breakfast tray brought to my bed. I grind hard and would enjoy spending this perfect cozy, lazy Saturday with my partner who appreciates me and the effort I put into life and making our partnership a priority. Unfortunately, we don’t live in an ideal world. I woke up along, but praise God for the warm bed and roof over my head. I made my own breakfast tray and enjoy resting in bed before heading out to complete the business of the day. Life would be made easier with a help mate who truly understand that a relationship is a partnership with a balance of two people sharing the daily tasks of life. I am blessed that I am able to take care of myself, but this isn’t the way the creature planned for a man and woman to be alone. Most people like myself choose singleness over settling . I haven’t given up on love I choose to love me and wait until the man who is truly right for me to enters my life. Love yourself you are worth it💖

Word Wall part 4

Insecure, emotionally, void, compassion, dyfuncational, mean- spirited, abuse, broken, helpless, weak, strenght, fear, facade, defensive, aggressive, violence, belittle, self esteem, anger, degrading

Dear Readers,

Have you ever encountered an individual who is insecure, emotionally out of control, and they lack compassion for the pain they inflicted on others? This person is void of the world around them because they live in a bubble. Most of these emotionally broken people come from dysfunctional homes, where they witnessed or were a victims of abuse, so expressing anger and behaving in a mean-spirited manner is a normal part of who they are. They put up a façade of strength because they don’t want the appear weak and helpless. They speak negative of others, and tend to become defensive and aggressive to the point of violence. Belittling other is what they are best at because degrading others boost their low self- esteem. Sadly, there is only one word for this individual, Bully

what Say You?

click on the link and check out my new website: http://www.conversationswithjrfloyd.com/

When The Beauty Fades

Dear Readers,  we live in a society where body shaming is due to people trying to live up to an ideal body image. Question, what happens in a relationship over time when a partners beauty fades and their physical appearance changes, do you consider looking elsewhere or do you stay and embrace and love your partner? Let’s be realistic nothing  stays the same, over time things change, but this is not the same as a person letting themselves go. as most people do.  I hope that this will inspire people to have intimate conversations with each other and begin to heal.

Thank you for watching. For more relationship topics subscribe to my YouTube channel  Conversations  with J. R. Floyd