Today is the Day. The Chase is Over.

Dear Readers, 

It all came down to today. This is the day. The chase is over. I am 56 years old and I have finally reached the moment of full clarity, peace and the healing process is getting better and better. The feelings of heaviness, fear, anger, and resentment these emotions and voices will no longer have the power to burden me and whisper to me that I am not worth it. My healing process began in 1992 and at the time I thought that it would take me about a year to heal from the damage of my childhood, an abusive marriage, and what I didn’t know was from years of more abusive relationships that included the intimate relationships and family and friends. Let me tell you this  when you find yourself on the path to healing from emotional, sexual and physical brokenness don’t expect the people closest to you to be supportive, in some cases they are the people who will become obstacles on your journey, and you will have to make the choice to leave them behind with the rest of the wreckage. 

Today is the day that I can release years of pain, suffering, anger, and the struggles of chasing after the unknown. Today is the day I understand that what kept me prisoner was how I was thinking, and becoming a slave to the idea that my life was worthless because I haven’t become the success of the American dream. I don’t own a house, a car, and I don’t make a six figure salary. I berated myself mentally for not getting it right and for having to start over and over. When I think back on how many years that I didn’t feel loved , but search for love and the whole time I didn’t love me because I thought that it was the duty of others to love me, and my anger grew when I didn’t receive love. I  used sex as a means to feel. I was dead inside, but I thought sex would make me feel something, The only result of this behavior was more emptiness and being used as an object of pleasure, and not being cherished as a whole being. 

Today, Friday, July 24, 2020 as I sit in my bedroom with tears flowing, pouring out all the suffering, pain, uncertainty, and years of dying over and over and reliving the same tragedy over and over, I was numb and bitter. I was a slave to depression, eating orders and carrying around the  negative labels that others heaped on me because I believed them. I am not ashamed to say that I never fully experienced a mother’s love, but I am no longer going to allow that to drag me down.  On July 20, 2020, we celebrated my mother’s 76th birthday and I am enjoying the relationship we presently have.  I am no longer struggling, no let me rephrase that I am no longer choosing to struggle or to see life as a struggle. There are challenges, but I don’t choose to see them as a problem or a negative experience.  

I am thankful for all the intimate relationships that did not work out because they were not the ones for me and each one taught me a lesson. I am thankful for all the friends that left me when I was at my darkest moment because these people enlighten  me how to carefully invest in true friendship. I am thankful for this time of being alone in my own space because it has prepared me to understand who I am and to never allow loneliness to rear its ugly head to force me into the fear of running into another dysfunctional relationship so that I would be distracted from continuing on my journey of healing. I am thankful for being sheltered in place, although the world continues to be in chaos I have used this time to center myself in a state of peace. I am thankful for being able to work from home. I am thankful for the gifts and talents I have discovered that keep me free from  thinking that I will spend the rest of my life a slave to punching a time clock.  I am thankful for the friends and family who stuck with me through all of my drama. I am thankful for my blogging community. 

Today is the day that I released that I have a wealth of experiences to share by publishing my books on amazon. I am thankful for the creations of Conversations with J.R. Floyd, that gives me a public voice on all major social media platforms to help others to heal.  It’s been a bumpy and  dark, but amazing journey and I know that life is better because I am making it better. 

Who am I? I am J. R. Floyd , Inspirational Coach, Author, Singer, and Educator, currently works as a College Writing Consultant. A winner of the Jacob A. Weiser play-writing award for her work The Conversation. She was a freelance writer for Street News, and appeared in the gospel play Oh Lord: Why Did I get Married?She is a member of the BMCC Downtown Chorus. Performed at Carnegie Hall in the Manhattan Concert Productions: Let you Voice Be Heard, 2019. Author of The Waiting Game, A Different Flavor of Love & 90 Days of Reflection, Discovery, & Renewal.  

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen.

I’m just saying

Dear Readers,

I don’t understand living in a society that is complacent about women and little girls being raped, molested, forced into marriage,and child brides, encouraging women to remain in abusive relationships, being side chicks, sex workers, baby mother’s instead of honorable wives. Why are we placing more value on men, yet, we disgrace the women who risk their lives to give birth to men.

Thank  you for stopping by Dragthepen

Dry Spells, the Myth

Dear Readers,

Ladies and gentlemen todays topic is the myth of the ” Dry Spell”. This is the label give to the period between relationships and it’s mostly directed towards women. Ladies there is no dry spell.  First, why are so many women running backs and forth between so many relationship and situationships that’s not working? Second, aren’t you drained from all of the mental, physical and financial  stress and drama  brought on from being in the wrong relationship?

Getting back to the subject of ” Dry Spell” ladies think about how many times you’ve verbalized being depressed, stressed, frustrated, confused, sad, unhappy, drained, only to hear this feed back ” what you need is to relieves your pinned up emotions  by having sex” the world seems that we only run on two modes, need sex or having out menstrual cycle. Why are women being told to solve their emotional distress and other life problems  by having sex?

Why are we supporting women especially,  young girls, to go out and  give their bodies away?

Watch my latest video and let me here from you?

Love & Marriage

Dear readers,

Remember the TV series Married with Children , 1987-1997, and that theme song, ” Love and Marriage, love and Marriage they go together like a horse and carriage.” Speaking of the subject love and Marriage, Tina Turner had a hit song, What’s love got to do with it? For the majority of people who are married they will say they said ” I do” because of love. There is a movies produced by Tyler Perry that ask the question, Why Did I Get Married?

I read  an article by Maggie Gallagher: What’s Marriage Got to Do With Love?

She writes,

Why do lovers marry? For centuries the answer might have been self-evident, but in today’s world where cohabitation is more bourgeois then bohemian, it’s an open question. I posed it not long ago to a group of young, college-educated women. Krista, a 23 year old writer, tried to explain why its so important to her that she and her live -in boyfriend get married. ” I just love the words ” husband and ‘wife”, she says, almost ruefully. ” I know the words are archaic, but I just love the whole idea.”

Krista, like the other young women in the room, lives with the omnipresent reality of divorce. they know a marriage license is no guarantee of permanence. Sex and affection they already have from their boyfriends. Yet, women like Krista long, almost irrationally, for the nuptial bond. the words ” I love you have been drained, through overuse, of all special meanings. and the act of love no longer signifies union. All that is left is this fail, eroding word, ” marriage,” packed with centuries of loving, living growing old together, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

American are marrying people-like Krista, nine out of 10 adult women tie the knot at least once. And yet Americans also have the highest divorce rate in the western world. How do we reconcile the cultural contradiction.

What say you?

Love & Marriage

Dear readers,

Remember the TV series Married with Children , 1987-1997, and that theme song, ” Love and Marriage, love and Marriage they go together like a horse and carriage.” Speaking of the subject love and Marriage, Tina Turner had a hit song, What’s love got to do with it? For the majority of people who are married they will say they said ” I do” because of love. There is a movies produced by Tyler Perry that ask the question, Why Did I Get Married?

I read  an article by Maggie Gallagher: What’s Marriage Got to Do With Love?

She writes,

Why do lovers marry? For centuries the answer might have been self-evident, but in today’s world where cohabitation is more bourgeois then bohemian, it’s an open question. I posed it not long ago to a group of young, college-educated women. Krista, a 23 year old writer, tried to explain why its so important to her that she and her live -in boyfriend get married. ” I just love the words ” husband and ‘wife”, she says, almost ruefully. ” I know the words are archaic, but I just love the whole idea.”

Krista, like the other young women in the room, lives with the omnipresent reality of divorce. they know a marriage license is no guarantee of permanence. Sex and affection they already have from their boyfriends. Yet, women like Krista long, almost irrationally, for the nuptial bond. the words ” I love you have been drained, through overuse, of all special meanings. and the act of love no longer signifies union. All that is left is this fail, eroding word, ” marriage,” packed with centuries of loving, living growing old together, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

American are marrying people-like Krista, nine out of 10 adult women tie the knot at least once. And yet Americans also have the highest divorce rate in the western world. How do we reconcile the cultural contradiction.

What say you?

The Wait is Over

A Delicate Matter

Dear readers,

Unfaithful, cheater, and infidelity these are some of the labels used to describe people who engage in a sexual alliance with someone other than their mate.  This naughty behavior contributes to the breakdown of trust and shows lack of consideration for the innocent partner.

The adulterers will ask for forgiveness wanting their mate to believe that he/she made a mistake. Pleading momentary insanity, and claiming that “They were experiencing problems in their relationship when they willingly entered into a sexual agreement with another person, and that the sex didn’t mean anything.”

So, not only has the adulterers broken his/her vow of commitment of being monogamist; they fake a performance, trying their best to express content towards the not so innocent participate, who is now “meaningless” because they got CAUGHT. Many women and men in this situation often forgive their partner (the adulterers ) and continue the relationship.

Forgiving adultery is not the dilemma, think about this, forgiving a person who willingly took the time to plan and execute having what they refer to as “meaningless sex” that probably involved lying to their partners, and the adulterers may or may not have used protection, while engaging in the forbidden fruit.

This is what I say. What say You?

amazon.com/author/rahshemahfloyd

Untitled Stroy.

 

Dear readers,

I am pitching my next idea for a short story contest. Please take a few minutes and read my outline, I will appreciated your comments.

I do not have a title.

Desiree, is 15 when the story begins, the conflict happens when she is 42, which is near the end of the story. A single mother raises Desiree; she has three children by different men. Through a series of tribulations, Desiree tries to overcome following her mother’s example. At sixteen, Desiree gets pregnant by Wallace Evans, he has big plans for his life that do not include a baby’s mother who wants to be a kept women. Wallace leaves her, joins the Army, gets married and moves away, but he financially supports his son Peyton. In the meantime, Desiree continues to live in the project and has a series of hit and run relationships. She gives birth to two more children and in the process liberates herself from living on Public Assistance, by working a part-time job and child support.

Desiree is insecure and she fails in her mission to try to keep a man and establish the family structure she never had. She continues to make the wrong choices when selecting men because she confuses sex with being in love.  She struggles with being a good and providing for her children.  In comes Leslie Lambert, age 55, a wealthy Lawyer, she is white, a lesbian, has no children and never been married. She is attracted to Desiree; however, Desiree is only attracted to the life that Leslie can give her children, so she plays both sides of the fence, until Leslie asks her to make a choice.

Desiree is torn between giving her children the life they deserve, and giving up having a relationship a man.  The other obstacle in the way is her oldest son Peyton he is not comfortable with their living arrangements. The turning point comes when Peyton runs away to live with his father. Desiree stops fighting and finally come to terms with the fact that Leslie is offering her more than any man has…..

Story takes place in Brooklyn, New York location the Marlboro Housing Projects

Time: early 80’s

Main character: Desiree Hancock

Supporting Characters:

Olivia Hancock (Desiree’s mother)

Patrick Lopez (Desiree’s alleged father/ low-level gang banger)

Baron Jackson (Another one of Olivia’s baby’s daddy/ younger than her and unemployed)

Wallace Evans (Desiree’s 1^st baby’s daddy)

Sophia Evans (Desiree’s best friend and sister to Wallace)

Ms. Evans (mother of Sophia and Wallace)

What Say You?

 

 

Will the real home wrecker, please stand up.

Greeting from the mad Dater,

It has  been a while since I’ve updated my readers about my journey to find the one that is just right for me. In my quest for my soul mate mostly online, I’ve learned some do’s and don’ts for online dating. One requirements should be that the people posting  profiles should not be married.

How you ask me have I come to this conclusion? Well,  here is a part of a confession printed in a magazine about a married man and his heavy phone sex activities,and the advice that was given to the person feeling guilty.

Confessor: I don’t feel guilty about having phone sex with a married man. Should I?

The Adviser: ….. In a perfect world, no one would hook up with taken or married people, but I’m also sick of seeing women labeled as ” the other women and ” home wrecker” when they’re not the ones who looked a human they’re suppose to love in the eyes and pledged fidelity. Ultimately , the married dude should be feeling guilty, and this is his cross to bear.

oops. I went over my promised 100 word.

What Say You?