I get it. Being on lockdown for the past 16 months wasn’t an easy task.The cry to get back some normancy was heard from the four corners of the earth. Now that a third wave threaten to consume us, the question is did we jump back in too soon? The urgency to be released from the bondage of being sheltered in place and the need for social distancing has taken its toll. People have let their guards down due to the mental and emotional fatigue brought on by this pandemic. Is the worst to come now that the Delta Variant has reared it ugly head? I ventured out today covering a three mile stretch of one of my favorite places, the Hudson River Park.
I observed people enjoying the great outdoors, happy to be free from the burden of uncertainty. Don’t get me wrong I know they understand that we are still under the grips of this invisible killer. I really don’t think people, at least New Yorkers have a dead wish. For the hundreds of joggers, walkers, tennis and basketball players; and the individuals, couples and groups who paused for a picnic, yoga, mediation or to simply sit by the water and watch the waves to remember how life was before the pandemic.
My hope is that everyone do all that we can collectively to slow down the spread, get vaccinated, and go back to wearing mask. We can not afford to overwhelm our healthcare professionals, haven’t we had enough of waiting each day to hear the count of the death toll?
It’s been a long time since I’ve talked about a relationship topic. The world has been turned upside down by this pandemic, and people have more pressing issues to think about then relationships. I’ve heard people talk about the challenges they faced during the first half of the pandemic when we were ordered to be sheltered in place.
Now that some restrictions have been lifted I guess people are beginning to venture out and start to date again. In my case I’ve been dateless for two years, partly by choice and also because I am on a journey of healing and self discovery, but I know I can’t hide forever.
What do men and women like me do when they fear going back out into the hopeless society of dating. My first book entitled The Waiting Game is inspired by my tragic relationships and my misconception that everyone in the dating game is looking for the real deal.
It took a lot for me to admit to myself and to confess to you that I don’t want to be alone, don’t get my message wrong, I am comfortable with my own company, and I will continue to discover more of who I am and what I need and don’t need from an intimate relationship. The bottom line for me is that I am afraid of being played again, and having to start over getting to know someone new and thinking about who to truth.
In the past I realized I moved to fast in the relationships that turned out to be messy situationships. not only did I move too fast, but I allowed myself to be pushed in directions that I felt uncomfortable with. Is it just me or my thinking that men are not interested in being patient and taking things slow. They want to know right away what’s in it for them in other words they are not wasting their time if they are getting their needs met.
I am 57 years old and it’s been my experience that men my age want younger women. You know the type of OG’s who are looking to relieve their youth. Or the men I use to meet who are only interested in netflix and chill nights at home. Now that the coronavirus is here this adds another hindrance, so now I don’t dare think about venturing out into the dating scene.
Listen, I am not asking for prince charming to come alone and sweep me off my feet, that fantasy sailed a long time ago. It’s simple: where are the honest men who haven’t been tinted by gold diggers, cheating women, or been broken and beaten by too many bad relationships, not on the DL, know who they are what they want, and are emotionally stable and want to be in a relationship for the right reasons. Where are the men who appreciate women like me who go out every day to earn an honest living, have a plan for the future, good family and friend relationships, and live by a moral code of good ethics and values.
Where are the men who desire to be in a monogamous relationship without the urge to have side pieces. Where are the men who dare to go the distance in a long term partnership regardless of the ditches and valleys. Where are the men who are willing to accept me for who I am the way I am and not reject me based on what I don’t have.
Where are the men who don’t believe in being community property by sleeping around and collecting baby mamas. Where are the men who understand their responsibility and accountability when they make the decision to enter into a relationship they claim they want. It’s simple, just be honest with yourself first, I don’t want to be played or layed. I desire to be respected, except, loved, protected, supported and understanding for my life vision and open communication. I want honesty, romance, creativity, someone with a strong family bond, confidence, intelligence, sense of humor, good hygiene and healthy eating habits, belief in God, and someone who believes in friendship is the foundation of any relationship.
I don’t know where these men are but if they are out there somebody let them know that women like me are waiting for them.
On March 10, myself and thousands of Cuny and Suny employees were told not to report to work. We were put on alert that the entire teaching system will be converted to remote learning. We were given three days to make the adjustment. During this transition period it was discovered that a large number of students did not have a home computer or the internet.Then bars, restaurants, hair and nail salons closed. Coffee shops, cafes, and any place that people gathered that created a crowd closed. Then we were ordered to shelter at home. I am an introvert, so being confined has not created a mental hardship for me. Because of this crisis people are realizing that we are not conditioned to be isolated, and this situation has created a devastating emotional effect on people.
To date it’s been 6 or 7 weeks since we’ve been sheltered in place. In an effort to encourage people I’ve appeared each Monday live to discuss several topics that I hoped would give people hope and courage to work through this crisis.
Week 1: I encourage people to come together in unity, unity means strength.
Week 2: Reflect on W. I. N..what’s important now
Week 3: How to create and experience peace during a crisis
Week 4: Self- care the importance of taking care of self and family during a crisis
Week 5: How to use this time to create or recreate a new life plan
Week 6: Getting prepared for change. Wanting to go back to normal. Time to move forward
On Monday May 4. I will make my last live appearance on Facebook. On that day I will acknowledge the struggles people are facing the anxiety, uncertainty, and the battles people are facing in their homes, due to the mental and emotional damage this crisis had caused. People are concerned about their future and no one can give them solid answers. I tried to warn people about the harm they are causing themselves by constantly talking about corona-virus and watching the news. I personally keep a distance from any news or people who are obsessed with having conversations about going back to normal.
Today, I am here to pray with you, and for you. Yes, prayer. I am not asking people to believe in God. I am simply going to pray. On May 15, it will make 60 days ( 3 months ) since we have been asked to shelter in place. The plan in New York City is to open some business and wait two weeks to observe if the number of corona-virus cases increases or stays the same. Depending on the results the government will proceed to open more business in two week increments. There are a large number of people who are in a rush to get back to normal. I wonder if people are living in denial.
The world has changed and it will continue to change. Many of our favorite places may not reopen. Schools will remain closed until September 2020. No summer youth programs that create jobs for many young people who need them. Some people may not be able to return to their former places of employment. Summer might be cancelled. Meaning, no public concerts, closed beaches, and limitation on the use of public parks. On a personal note, I will continue to shelter in place teaching at home, my 45 minutes daily walks. I shop for food once a week, and work two days a week in a group home as a resident counselor. I have learned to be patient through this process finding ways to be creative. Unlike others I am in no hurry to race back out into society. No, I am not going to live in fear, just going to proceed with caution. My suggestion to others If you need to go out proceed with caution. We still don’t know the who, what, when or where? There are so many conspiracy theories, and other peoples opinions on what they think is right. I understand that the economy needs to be rebooted. The ease of social distancing doesn’t mean that all is well.