It Made a Difference

This weekend while keeping watch on hurricane Henri, I had the pleasure of staying with my bestfriend and his mother for three days.We cooked, played music and card games, watched movies and took random naps.

I’ve lived alone for twenty-four years, and enjoy my peace, space, alone time, and having my own bathroom. Living with people has been a difficult experience either I find others to be noisy, sloppy, and they have too many guest over. When I was dating I felt uncomfortable when my boo asked to sleep over. I couldn’t wait for him to leave to change the sheets, clean the bathroom, open the windows letting fresh air in, thus returning the house back to it’s normal state.

On occasions I don’t mind cooking and inviting family and friends over. The truth is I thought that I had adjusted to being alone because it made life easier. Lately, I’ve been feeling the need for companionship, and decided to look into adopting a small dog. In the meantime, here’s what I’ve learned from my three day stay at my BFF’ house.

I think It’s time to find someone compatible to live with, I don’t believe in the theory that opposites attract. I don’t desire to live alone into my golden years, because being alone into old age means no one to share meals with or talk about our day, share dreams and accomplish goals together. There is no laugher, hugs, shared chores, or someone to hurry home to.

To achieve my goal of filling my house with the joys of happily ever after; I first have to overcome my fear of dating.The burden of my past trumatic relationships that hinders me from getting back into the dating game. Some men want to move too fast or they’re looking for intimacy without a desire for a long term committed relationship.

My three day stay reminded me of how happy, loving and warm a home can be when the rights souls occupy it.

Dear Love

Dear, Readers, at the start of this new year ( 2020) I invited my readers, supporters and viewers of my You tube Channel, Conversations with J. R. Floyd, to join me in a long adventure with writing a letter to self. for each month i read my letter to self on my you tube channel and live on Facebook. the mission of my Brand, conversations with J. R. Floyd is to uplift people who;s heart and spirit have been broken. if you missed my letter to self in January you can find it on my You Tube channel. thank you for stopping by dragthepen.

 

Dear Love, 

For a long, long time I did not know who you were. Oh, I have heard talk about romantic love, passionate love, poetic love, fake love, black love, sister love and love of a spouse. My entire life I did not know that the intense longing in my soul was because I needed you, and I  did not understand that authentic love comes from the pure dept of a person’s heart and spirit. My misunderstanding of love begin when I was a child I did not know the sweet comforts of the words “ I love You”  there weren’t any loving hugs, night time kisses, bedtime stories, and no one scared away the things that went bump in the night. Instead, I was shooed away told to disappear, be quiet and keep my needs to myself. So, I went through my childhood, adolescence and adulthood thirsting for the security, protection, warmth, a sense of belonging and a deep soul connection. Along this journey to find LOVE, I mistaken lust for love, men’s aggressive and jealous behavior as love, my thinking was wrong because I took the verbal and aggression towards as an expression of LOVE.. 

 

I did some things that I am ashamed of in exchange for what I thought was LOVE. I was betrayed, conned, mislead, and broken over and over, and I once almost conspired to sell my soul to the devil for the sake of feeling this LOVE. At this point in my life it is too late for the father daughter talk, my father is no longer with me in the flesh. And my relationship with my mother is distant and broken, I made many attempts to reach out to her to ask why had she been an emotionally detached mother, but she ignored my plea.. 

 

So, here I am LOVE, not chasing you anymore. I have shut down the lustful desires of my flesh in exchange of getting to know who I am,  loving myself is my only priority. You see LOVE, I have been looking for you in all the wrong faces and hearts. You have lead me down some long dark dank tunnels only to abandon me. I will no longer be fooled by your smooth talk, unfulfilled promises, and your touch of fornication will no longer have a hold on my soul. 

 

My first LOVE will be me. Yes, you heard me. I have begun the process of loving me first and unconditionally. I am going to give to myself security and protection from all the Don Juans  of this world who seek to suck out my soul and drain my spirit. I will provide for me, and keep promises to myself, I look forward to each day with joy and excitement of seeing me grow into the person I can LOVE. I am not going to look for you, LOVE anymore. This is a new day, I am walking a new path, and you should come to find me, and by the time you catch up to me I will be the LOVE you are looking for.  

 

Next months letter to self, Dear  LIFE.

A Saturday Reflection

Dear Readers,

In an ideal world I would have loved to wake up to the warm body of the man I love and a breakfast tray brought to my bed. I grind hard and would enjoy spending this perfect cozy, lazy Saturday with my partner who appreciates me and the effort I put into life and making our partnership a priority. Unfortunately, we don’t live in an ideal world. I woke up along, but praise God for the warm bed and roof over my head. I made my own breakfast tray and enjoy resting in bed before heading out to complete the business of the day. Life would be made easier with a help mate who truly understand that a relationship is a partnership with a balance of two people sharing the daily tasks of life. I am blessed that I am able to take care of myself, but this isn’t the way the creature planned for a man and woman to be alone. Most people like myself choose singleness over settling . I haven’t given up on love I choose to love me and wait until the man who is truly right for me to enters my life. Love yourself you are worth it💖

Encouragement from the Mad Dater

Hello Readers and Fellow Bloggers, this is a throw back from the past when I was exploring the world of dating through the voice of the Mad Dater. I went on a quest to find my one true love. I took advice from friends and joined two dating websites, I attended many speed dating events, in additions to going to all the places and that I enjoy like, museums, bookstores, jazz lounges, libraries, theatres to find someone who has similar interest. Needless to say, l I ended up with horrible men online who wanted sex, spending money going out alone and  sheading tears that I would end life being the lonely cat lady.

Flash from the past……

Its been 18 days since I started my journey as the Mad Dater to find love. Today, I thought that I should take a break from  my usual rantings and post something light and sweet. After all I know that I am not  alone in my quest for a best friend, confidant, partner in crime and soul mate.  These words speak to the heart and offer great suggestion when search for a life partner. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.

As posted on Facebook:

Marry your best friend. I do not say that lightly. Really, truly find the strongest, happiest friendship in the person you fall in love with. Someone who speaks highly of you. Someone you can laugh with. The kind of laughs that make your belly ache, and your nose snort. The embarrassing earnest, healing kind of laughs. Wit is important. Life is too short  not too love someone who lets you be a fool with them. Make sure they are somebody who lets you cry. Despair will come. Find someone who you want to be there with you through those times. Most importantly, marry the one that make passion, love and madness combine and course through you. A love that will never dilute-even when the waters get deep,and dark.-ilovemylsi.com

What say you?

1+1=1

Photo by shahbaz Akram on Pexels.com

Dear Readers,

It’s been almost a year since I created my YouTube channel Conversations with J. R. Floyd. The bases for creating this channel is to converse about relationship issues, explore men and women empowerment, and teach the foundation of family. When people consent to engage in a partnership it should be based upon capability and the understanding that there should be a certain level of individualism. Meaning maintaining individual identities while developing the partnership. A partnership contains two people with individuals ideas and experiences a partner is a helpmate and should be treated as an equal in all areas of the partnership.

Some people are under the delusion that 1 +1= 1 what kind of math is this? This concept of two people becoming one has been taken out of context people who think this way is because they are insecure and want to place themselves in the position of the controller. In the a partnership there is two individuals with different likes, different political beliefs, eating and sleeping habits this is what is meant by being an individual. I wonder if people pay attention to each other’s habits and behaviors. Instead, they become caught up in the infatuation of sexual lust and other emotions.They become blind to their differences by spending too much time on what makes them compatible ignoring the little pet peeves and faults.

In the beginning of a partnership people pretend to be interested in what their partner is doing, but sooner than later the truth is revealed. Over a period of time one person begins to feel that they are being nagged into joining their significant other in activities what they once said they enjoyed. The myth behind their action is that they went along to impress their partner, and this is where the trouble begins. Another myth, people are taught that whatever their partner is interested they should take part, I say, this is not always true. No one should be dragged and nagged into taking part in activities that they have no interest.

We observe this behavior all around us pay attention the next time you’re at an event or you hear your friend ranting about how they are trying to come up with a plan or an excuse to get out of an activity with their partner but they don’t. People use the excuse that this is what people do when they care about each other, I say, no one should be pushed, bamboozled with guilt into doing things they brings them no joy.

Capability is important and allowing people to be who they are is also equally important to the stability of the partnership. Truly accepting people for who they are without finding way to change them should not be a relationship requirement. I previously said that at the start of the courtship people are not observant of their potential partners habits and interests. People don’t pay attention to what is said and what is not said. I understand it is easy to get caught up in emotions because everything is fresh and new. But this is how many partnership break down and eventually there is a separation. You and your mate are individuals stop trying to rebuild them by taking away their interest or insisting that they change the course of their life and who they are. It is important for the foundation and the longevity of the partnership to respect, support and encourage individual interest while developing common interest as partners. Balance,space, acceptances and capability is important ingredients for a happy partnership.

What say you? Please join me on my YouTube Channel: Conversations with J. R. Floyd

In the Spirit of LOVE

Dear Readers,

Someone comes into your life after many seasons of broken and dysfunctional relationships; He/She said “I love you” and the expectation is to respond, “I love you.” What happens when you do not feel this heart-pounding, palm sweaty, gitty LOVE? You are happy with the companionship and camaraderie of the relationship. You have opened your heart to caring for someone who have brought joy in your life that was dark and empty. However, there is the question of LOVE.

You are forced to evaluate your position in the relationship because your partner is not satisfied with how deeply you care for them he/she wants LOVE. What is LOVE? What is this LOVE that leads people to search until they have connected body and soul to their true soul mate; but disappointment comes because the LOVE you thought you found was confused with lust and infatuation. What is the secret for the couples who stayed together for 20, 20, 40 plus years?

I believe that the bond shared between people extend beyond the boundaries of the kind of LOVE that people mentally boxed themselves into. LOVE is a word that people carelessly throw around. LOVE is the reason why some people say they get married. No. you get married because you and your partner have vowed to love, honor, respect, and care for each other, while forsaking all others. These wedding vows have a deeper meaning then saying I LOVE You. We have all know a couple or two that have vowed to love and honor until death does its part, but at the first sign of trouble, they contact a divorce lawyer.

When my father passed I watched my mother stare at his closed casket and after 32 years of marriage, she said,” there goes my best friend.” That was 24 years ago and I still get goose bumps when I recall that moment. People say “I LOVE YOU.” For many different reasons. I say it is the intentions behind and what is in the heart of the person who says “I LOVE YOU.”

I will say this I will never judge a person based on how much I think he/she loves or does not’ love me. People express LOVE in various ways. Because we have our narrow vision of what we want LOVE to be sometimes we miss extraordinary experiences because we close our eyes to LOVE.

Think about this the next time someone holds your hand. When a stranger flashes an authentic smile, the kind that light sparkles in their eyes. When you receive, a hug and the person squeeze you and holds on for a few extra seconds.When you receive a card that say, “Thinking of You.”

When a stranger shows an act of kindness by paying for your coffee. Think about the time when you were at the end of the rope and just when you let go, someone caught you and helped you to hold on. LOVE is in every moment of each day. Do not close your heart, soul and mind to that spirit of love that flows around us every day.

What Say You?

 

Body Shaming, a choice or discrimination?

Dear readers,

 

” Body shaming is a negative statement and attitude towards another persons weight or size.”

I am told that setting standards when seeking a life partner is important. In a prospective partner we look for compatibility and good characteristics like: someone who is caring, humble, generous, and self assured. Some people rely on chemistry, “a connection of a bond or common feeling between two people.” For others, physical attraction is important, meaning features that are considered aesthetically pleasing or beautiful.

Question, have you found yourself staring  at a couple who is noticeably gorgeous from head to toe; or the opposite, the women is more physically fit than her male companion, and vice a versa? The general consensus is that aesthetics should not be a deal breaker when choosing a partner.

We all know the saying” beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.” Haven’t  you noticed the world is leaning towards outer beauty? A well toned body is a mandatory requirement regardless of  the person’s personality, standards or morals. There are ads that are dedicated to Body Shaming most  are directed towards women. What is most shameful is  people are using body shaming as a form of discrimination when selecting a partner. These people are sending a clear message that based on an individuals physically appearance that they are good enough.

What Say You?

A house is not a Home

Dear readers,

When most people hear the words Home Alone, this is the image that comes to mind.

The chaos of a frightened little boy left behind by his family, trying to fend-off burglars.

Home Alone can be just as terrifying for countless individuals, who have lost or never found their Soul Mate. No matter how large, small, shabby, or gloriously chic the outer frame or decorative interior; these things do not make a house a home. It’s the sound of laughter and tears, children playing or squabbling; the sweet aroma from the meal of the day, and the barking of the family dog wanting to go out.

Home is the place for happy family gatherings and sometimes moments of sorrow. Where babies take their first steps, and grow up to descend the stairs on prom night. A home is where childhood memories are made, where Mom and Dad dance alone at night after they put the kids to bed. Home is where grandparents return to live out their last days surrounded by familiar faces.

Home Alone means no voices, no memories, just silence. Each day becomes the same, and everything becomes one.  One cup, plate, fork, spoon, napkin, meal…. until one becomes none.

Home Alone

What Say You?

 

Journey of a Mad Dater

Photo by Chanita Sykes on Pexels.com

Journey of a mad dater: Step one

” You’re a beautiful and talent person why are you have trouble meeting a good man?”  I hear this from close friends and family repeatedly. However, when I asked them,  ” do you know someone in your circle of friends who would be interested in me?” the answer is always the same, “no” or ” I don’t want to be responsible if the relationship doesn’t work out.”

One of the problems with finding a suitable life partner is that no one meets the old fashion way; meaning face to face or being matched up on a blind date, that’s  how my parents met, it seemed to work for them they had 12 children and were married 32 years.  So, I’ve been encouraged to join an  online dating services 😦

Now the dilemma, which one to choose there are so many, and for a fee they all promise, ” happily ever after.”  Even-through I know couples who meet through an online dating service and many of whom have gotten married; my personal feelings is that it’s too impersonal. People sitting behind their computers judging  a person by viewing  pictures and what they read in the “about me” box.

Oh well, after some research and talking to real people about their experience, I’ve decided to part with a few bucks and enlisted a good friend who met her husband online to help me build my profile. We spent an hour selecting the best pictures, and composing details about me and what type of man I am seeking, and with a click of a button it was done. So I thought.

No, the task is not over, I was advised to find time to search through thousands of profiles to find my “soul mate.” And if that isn’t enough work I was told to  watch dating tips from Matthew Hussey, he is supposed to be a dating expert/ guru. When I asked why, I was told that, ” There are lots of does and doesn’t in the world of online dating.” Now I am thinking, WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?

What say you?

Stay Tuned……

Illustrative of couple representing online dating