When people see me, they usually remark ” girl you got it together and living your best life.” While I am thankful for the compliments, however sometimes what appears on the outside usually isn’t a representation of what’s going on behind the scenes. The truth is I struggle every day to put one foot in front of the other. I am a believer in Christ, but this doesn’t mean that I don’t struggle with everyday challenges, and I cry when no one is looking. I struggle with loneliness and the burden of having to do everything, but I am thankful that I can take care of myself.
I struggle to find balance between self-care and being all that I can be for others. I struggle to keep my mind from going to the dark side. I preach about Self Care, but I fight against the things in life that overwhelmed me. I battle with mental health issues and my faith. And there is the ongoing conflict with my emotions and the conversation in my head.
When I look in the mirror, I see an old person looking back and I think “wow. You’ve let yourself go”. I try to encourage me by saying ” girl you’re doing the best you can with what you have.” The truth is I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams. I have been given chances to reinvent myself countless times. It’s taken me a lifetime to understand that my peace is more important than being in dysfunctional relationships and friendships. And that self-respect and self-worth is more valuable internal conversation to have to fight against the voices that say, I am not good enough.
To the people who say to me that I am living my best life, I say, yes, I am. My spiritual life is renewed and strong. I enjoy life in all its beauty and abundance. I learned to enjoy the good days and take lessons from the bad ones. I understand that life doesn’t always give me what I want but it gives me what I need and for that I am thankful.
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