Putting your foot in your Mouth

Dear Readers,

Somebody please help me to understand this….during another conversation with a brother about my upcoming cross country drive from New York City to California with a very close male friend, he revealed an ugly truth about how not having all the facts can lead to biased  thinking. 

To make a long story short. 

The male that engaged me in conversation suggested that my cross country drive with a man is a  romantic vacation. I corrected his assumption by stating that “although I was once involved in a long term relationship ( 1999-2004) with my travel partner, we remained good friends, but not friends with benefits because I don’t play that game.”

Him: What are you kidding me ? How can a man keep his hands to himself across the whole country?

Me: Because we are both mature adults and he knows that I don’t lay around for the fun of it.

Him: Oh boy…ain’t no way I could do that with you…I would be all over you…I adore you.?

While I am flattered by the comment, this is a man who I don’t know very well, and we had one dinner date many years ago. I am thankful to him because he was the first person to interview me for my first book, The Waiting Game, back in 2016 for his radio station. And we have not  been in each other’s presence since that time. 

Me: All men are not the same. Your attitude is the reason why I remain single and celibate. Men like you need to learn and understand regardless of their former relationship or current situation with any woman, this doesn’t give any man an open door or invitation to touch a woman without asking. 

Him: Well I ain’t gonna lie…I would have to be in a straight jacket to not touch you for that long. Wow that torture. 

Another reminder, I have never been in any situation with this man that would suggest that I was attracted to him. He continued the conversation by calling me a dominatrix.. And that he would have to be handcuffed and gagged to be next to me for such a long period of  time. The next part of the conversation is what pushed my bell and is the driving force behind me making this conversation public. 

Him: I wish you would just be honest and not play games.. That’s it you’re a control freak!! You don’t want a man, you want a pet.  Or He must be gay.

I found his train of thinking and assumption about me and my travel partner to be insulting and disrespectful. I blasted back with 

Me: First of all, why are you talking to me in this manner? I am single because it’s my choice. Secondly, the gentleman I am traveling with is just that, a respectful man who lives by good values and morals and understands boundaries, he is the perfect travel partner to take this trip of a lifetime with. Finally, please refrain from speaking to me in such a manner you have no right to judge me or him. I am shocked at how one black man can label another brother “ Gay” becuase he choos to carry himslf with respect, dignity and most important show a woman her worth. 

Him: I didn’t mean to disrespect you.. You are absolutely right!! I have  friendships with people too. I’m sorry.  

For the people reading this conversation please understand my intent is not to embarrass anyone, on the contrary, I want people to understand the harm they cause by making assumptions about others based on personal biases, misinformation and lacking maturity to keep an open mind. The fact that he referred to my traveling partner as “ Gay “is offensive and an attack on a person he doesn’t know. To the people in society who have a negative mindset that men and women can’t be friends without physical inimatancy, I am sorry that you have brought into a myth, and you’re  missing out on a bond that can last a lifetime. I am proud to say that I have six outstanding male friends. 

Bottom line, think before you speak and stop throwing the people from the LGBTQIA community under the bus. 

What say you?

No you can’t have my joy!

I refuse to allow anyone to steal my joy! Did you hear me? I refused to allow anyone to steal my joy! This is a confession of a former people pleaser that included allowing people to steal my joy. No, Don’t feel sorry for me I willingly participate in opening the path for people to come Into my life and steal my joy.
How did this happen? Let me explain.
I cared too much about other people’s opinions about me regardless if their judgement was right or wrong. I poured my heart and soul into doing whatever I could to make them like me.
I spend way too much time catering to other people’s needs and disobeyed that voice in my head that whispered ” what about you and what you need”. I was under the foolish impressions that people cared. It took me a long time to come to grips with the fact that people are only out for their best interest, and if they can use you its because your a means to an end.
For years I bite my tongue held my peace and refused to talk back to defend myself. I swallowed every insult and stood strong like a dummy and smiled while saying,” its ok.”
I did things I didn’t want to do and visited places I had no business going. I conspired against people because someone asked me to. I denied myself simple pleasures in life because I was too busy giving them to others who I felt deserved the blessing more than I did.
During all of this I carried a cinder block of unhappiness that I couldn’t explain. I was angry, but I did not know who to be angry at. This cycle continued for years until a incident happened that shook me to the core of my thinking. The first thought was to kiss up to the individual and get back on their good side. But that voice in my head overpowered me and roared No! We are not going to allow this situation to steal our joy! It was amazing. It was like I saw the sun for the first time. I asked myself why? Why should I bend because another person chooses to give me the silent treatment. No. No. No. I will not allow you to take my joy! I have armed myself, I have a plan, I am smiling because my plan doesn’t involve revenge, being angry or showing my discomfort. My choice is simply to go about each day and not allow you to steal my joy!
I refuse to be miserable. I refuse to lose sleep think of way to make things right. I refuse to submit to your will.
Today, and every day, I close the door and will not allow you to enter to steal my joy!

1-800-talk- to- your- spouse

Dear reader, I thank you for indulging me by watching my videos and posting  comments.  I  have created a You Tube channel. I like to refer to this channel as my talk show. I created the talk show Conversations  with J. R. Floyd to discuss relationship topics. No, I am not an expert on relationships. No, I am not trying to advise people how to save their broken relationships. My mission is to get people thinking and talking to each other. Have you noticed that people who are in unhappy or dysfunctional relationships talk to every one who will listen about their relationships problems, but they do not  talk to their partner. I hope that my videos will help people to begin  to engage in conversations with each other and start to heal.

 

Thank you for watching. J. R. Floyd

Resurrection

Dear Readers,

Today is the first day that I have sat down and put pen to paper. My absence was not due to a dry spell, writers block or lack of ideas. It was TIME. The last few months (February –May), I was grinding, splitting my time between 2 part-time jobs while completing my Masters. During this time I suffered from what I thought was a bad cold that developed into pneumonia. However, as the saying goes “I trooped it out.” I pushed through until the date of completions. It has taken me five years to return to graduate school. Each time I attempted to register for my final class, something or someone got in the way.

During this time of waiting to cross the finish line to graduation, I lost to death, two uncles, my grandmother, she lived a long life and went out with a smile on her face. Two nephews (victims of violence) my step-father a great man, a sister who helped me develop my love for reading, my twenty year old niece who suffered from cerebral palsy thanks to her dedicated mother, this little princess lived a good life. I was almost homeless due to the loss of my apartment, including some of my possessions. I had to change roommate twice and nearly lost my sanity. Through all of this, I smiled looked up to heaven and with thick tears in my eyes asked. WHY?

Well here, I am the May 3^rd deadline to submit my final project and application for graduation on June 14 has come and gone. No, there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I am in limbo. Why because those who are place in the position of power deemed me unworthy of receiving a grade of INC. I needed an extra two weeks to submit the total number of hours needed to complete my field study. I pleaded my case but it fall on death ears. I was told that if my total grade tallies up to an F, yes an F. I would have to repeat the course. This means pay another $2000.00, plus the $300 for graduation and re do all the assignments AGAIN.

After receiving this message via email from the director of the Education department, I laid in bed in a fetal position for two days. I felt sorry for my finance, tried as he did, I could not pull myself out of bed. I do not know how, but I managed to resurface and got back into life. I have not checked my email to see my final grade. I need time. In the meantime, Good news, I am getting MARRIED. Well, not soon, but I am getting married to a wonderful man who supported me thorough all of this madness. I have a new home to remodel, and an appointment with the New York Missionary Baptist Advisory Council for my Ordination exam. Moreover, most importantly I need to get back to WRITING. When I check my email and if the news does not lead me to graduation, I will take the fall term off and enjoy living then start again in the SPRING.   In the meantime………

This was the best 549 words I have written in a long, long time. I am back.

What Say You?

 

They Say/I Say

Dear Readers, Friends, Foe and Family.

Here me when I say,” DON’T GIVE UP ON A VISION, a GOAL, OR THE PLAN THAT YOU HAVE FOR YOUR LIFE.” No matter who is for or against you. No matter the obstacles, bad days, lack of funds, or the short comings of THOSE around, who do not support you, or believe that you are cable of achieving what you set out to do. DON’T SURRENDER, FOLD, GIVE IN, OR SUBMIT. “Dreams are Necessary to Life.” ~ Anais Nin. Hold on You Day is coming.

WHAT SAY YOU?