The Pain Is Real: the longest 8 minutes

Dear Readers,

I had to do it.  30 days ago, I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, down my pen, turned off the computer and walked away. I needed a mental break. It was necessary to put space between me and the chaos of the constant Corona virus news and the racial tension that is causing a bitter divide. It became too much for me to take in. For four months the world has been sheltered in place, and we were battling fear, anger, frustration, uncertainty, and confusion. I felt guilty because during this time of upheaval, I was successful in creating a mental and physical bubble to protect myself  from becoming sucked in by the sensation of the news media and the grappling of the political leaders.

In the midst of financial ruins, I am blessed to enjoy my same level of income and additional earnings from private tutoring.  I used my time wisely and began to concentrate on personal projects. It’s unfortunate that it took a pandemic for me to realize how much I needed a break from the running on my hammers treadmill. I am not ashamed to admit I am thankful for the break from my ” normal”, these four months have allowed me the time to understand that I need a change from ” normal”,  and that there are areas of my life that need to be explored. After four months of cleaning, reorganizing, building up my brand Conversations with J. R. Floyd, yoga, meditation, reading books on self improvement, updating my resume, and with the announcement of all the phrases of New York City restarting the economy, I Declared myself ready for change.

And then it happened….

The killing of George Floyd. I ignored the news and refused to answer the phone. I didn’t want to engage in conversations about race. I wanted to stay in my bubble of peace and progress. Then I woke up one morning to a message from my son, pleading with me to use my platform ” Conversations with J. R. Floyd’, “ to speak to the hearts of people about the brutal treatment of black men and women. I wanted to stay silent, but my son, my only child, a black man, father, husband, and raising a young black man pulled at the strings of my heart, a mother’s heart…  his plea sounding like George Floyd’s calling for his mother with his last dying breath. I got up from my bed, showered, made coffee, put myself together and sat down to go live on Facebook , Instagram, and my podcast on Anchor. I addressed the public….then I clicked off.

my son and his first born

The riots, looting, burning of business, arrests, anger, tears, and hatred was more than I was prepared to deal with. I didn’t want to be one of those people who took a normancy mindset, the complacent attitude of accepting the killing of a black man as just another thing that happens in a world that isn’t moved by seeing a man being murdered. 

my family

So, for 30 days I detached from social media, the news, and did not engage in any conversations about race or death. For four months the world has been watching the numbers of deaths increase due to the virus, yet, the only concern is getting back to “normal”.  Where have people been?  There is no more normal. This recent upheaval about the brutal treatment of black men and women, is another virus that’s going to continue to eat away at race relationships until there is CHANGE. There are some people wanting to get back to their normal, wishing that this issue of race will fade away; their thinking is that issues of race don’t include them until it hits close to home. I am thankful that at least this time the entire world is marching and standing firm on the belief that all lives matter, including Black Lives. It took 8 minutes and 56 seconds for George Floyd to die. What is it going to take for all the millions of blogger to band together with one voice to support the one race the human race. 

The pain is real. Thank you for stopping by Drathepen.