The Sacrifice

Dear Readers

I did not take a vacation to escape reality. Each day I open my eyes reality is always with me. I needed time away from the distractions that blocks my peace and hinder the time I need to prioritize my spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical well being. Over the past two years I have sacrificed my mental and physical health settling for a paycheck that I thought allowed me to live a better quality of life. The truth is in exchange for that phat check, I give up my authentic self, creativity, dreams, and joy trying to fit myself into a space that’s suffericating me. Day by day I am removing the burdens that hindering me from ” living life abundantly.” My question to you is how much of your mental, emotional and physical health are you will to sacrifice for that six figure salary?

How Do You Love?

Photo by Kristina Paukshtite on Pexels.com

Dear Readers, 

Questions, how do you love?  This post is centered around Love and the different ways people use LOVE in relationships. 

Here are a few ways people express their situation with love. 

Begin in love 

Falling in love

Loving someone but not in love with them

Puppy love

Love at first site

First love

Second chance at love 

Sister love

Brotherly love 

Does it matter when a person says to you “I care deeply for, but I am not in love with you”.

I hear people say that they had to learn to love their partner, what does that mean?

I looked up the word love and here’s what it said: Love, an intense feeling of deep affection or a great interest and pleasure in something. So, in short love is an attraction, desire, and attachments, but above all love is a feeling. Wait a minute we are told that feelings are fleeting, and feelings change from moment to moment.  

I want to have fun with today’s conversation about love and at the same time bring awareness to how people use the expression of love to abuse, use, mislead, and confuse others into conforming to who they want them to be thus convincing individuals that there is requirements that need to be satisfied before deemed worthy of love. 

There are millions of people or should I say billions of people on the planet, yet there are equal amounts of people who are lonely feeling unloved and unwanted. Why because people are placing conditions on who they love and why. In other words, love is no longer a universal feeling, but seems to be for a selected few. So, how is the choice made of who we love and how we love them? 

The christians have a biblical definition of love, Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices. Sounds like the kind of love that myself and millions others are seeking, yet love is nowhere to be found.  I am 60 years old and at this point in my life I desire honest love. Yes, I  added another expression of love to the list. 

My dog peanut loves me unconditionally and I try to return the same love back to him. When I say I want an honest love I am referring to someone who is available to care, respect,  understand, adapt, and accept me for who I am. I desire a partner who is honest with themselves about their emotions towards me and most importantly why they have this feeling of love towards me.  I say, It’s better to develop love from a foundation of friendship, honesty, caring, compassion, moral values, and compatibility,  rather than lust and targeting an individual based on what they have and what they can give to you. That’s not love, that’s selfishness. 

After you read this post ask yourself about the love you have or don’t have and why. My dog Peanut  has brought joy, laughter and purpose to get out of bed to care for him. And when he jumps on my lap and looks into my eyes I see love and appreciation and I give him a hug and in return I get big licks. 

People’s love should be simple without conditions and shared. 

Thank you for stopping by Dragthepen 

How do you Love?

Is 50/50 A Myth?

Dear Readers,

Photo by Jacob Von Bank on Pexels.com

October 2023, I reluctantly went on a date. Let me make my dating and relationship status clear, I am not looking for a relationship, a hookup, situationship or booty call. At 60, I am enjoying single life, my space and peace. I did not allow my date to pick me up at my home; instead, we met in an area where I felt safe at a coffee Cafe. I suggested that we meet for coffee and dessert because I did not want to struggle through dinner with a stranger. The date was surprisingly good, and the conversation was interesting. My date asked me for a second and I said yes, but on the condition that we meet at the restaurant he agreed.

Two weeks after our coffee date we meet at one of my favorite Mexican restaurants. My date was excited because it had been a while since he ate Mexican food. After we ordered wines and an appetizer, I asked my date would he mind if we went 50/50 on the bill? There was an awkward moment of silence and his facial expression changed from a beautiful smile to blank. He took a long drink from his water glass and asked me why did I asked that question?

I answered, there is a population of men who feel that when they spend money, they are looking for something in return. Or when a man encounters a woman who is financially self-sufficient, they feel inclined to ask the women to either pay for their meal or go 50/50. My date felt insulted, and the mood quickly changed. The idea of the 50/50 factor dominated the dinner conversation. We agreed to disagree about some of the myths centered around this 50/50 of people sharing financial resources. 

One idea we were 100 percent in agreement is that there is something happening between women and men changing how we treat each other in intimate relationships, friendship, and marriages. I suggested that some changes are due to trust issues, the frequent practice of cheating, competition of income, careers, and materialism.  Men today are of the mindset that women who earn 5-6 figure income and are self-sufficient because they can purchase and maintain homes, cars, raise children, in addition to women acquiring master’s and PhD or are secured in a civil service position. Some men view this category of women to help support them maintain their lifestyle by invoking the 50/50 rule. 

I do not know the answer to who should be responsible for paying the bill on dates or in homes. Public opinion is that times have changed, and some men invoke the feminist movement claiming since women wanted equal treatment as their male co men; men should have the rights to invoke the 50/50 rule. I wonder if rich people use the 50/50 rule or is this a rule for middle- and working-class people. 

Questions: 

1. What do you think about the 50/50 rule? 

2. Have you or your partner used the 50/50 rule?

Thank you for stopping by Dragthepen

The Pros and Cons List?

Dear Readers,

Photo by picjumbo.com on Pexels.com

Recently a friend of mine who is a social worker / psychologist suggested a written exercise because I am thinking about switching careers. He suggested that I write a pros and cons list for my current position and the position I desire. I know that this is not something new because we often do the pros and cons list in our heads. However, when I completed the exercise, I was amazed at how different the thoughts in my head looked on paper.  

You might be thinking what’s the difference, well the distinction is when we’re pondering a pros and cons list in our heads the solution is not as clear as when we view the thoughts on paper. When we write a vision, a problem, a plan, or any major decision on paper this helps to organize thoughts, and get better clarity, in addition to thinking about the situation from different perspectives.

This writing exercise can work for any area of our lives. Writing out a pros and cons list can help to make better decisions and stop some people from making an Impulse decision based on emotions, depression, anger or jumping from one situation into another without thinking about the outcome or consequences. I was amazed about how certain Pros are Cons, and my friend suggested that I look at the list of cons not as a list of negative obstacles, but as a list of things that I may be able to work through.

Due to the 2019 Pandemic, I struggled financially and in 2022 took a position in social work because I could not find a full-time teaching position. It’s been 1 yr. and 6 months working as a Clinical Supervisor and although the salary and benefit package is wonderful, my mental and physical health has suffered. One major lesson I have learned is I can no longer sacrifice my mental health for a big paycheck. I continue to work through the list well learning to take mental health days when I feel that I am becoming unglued.  

My final decision: I will move forward and find a teaching position to start in fall 2024. In the meantime, I continue to learn from this experience and enjoy the perks of the position.  While I am thankful to be able to have a steady income, the cons outweigh the pros. 

Thank you for stopping by Dragthepen

2024🥳

Photo by Jill Wellington on Pexels.com

Thank you for your support.

How it started versus How it’s going

It’s that time of year when people are reflecting on what they have and have not accomplished in 2023. May I offer a few words from Conversation with J. R. Moving into the New Year

1. Stop beating up on yourself if you didn’t accomplish the goals you set out to achieve. You can always start fresh
2. Stop with the New Year’s resolutions and start writing down your vision and making it plain and achievable.
3. Buckets lists are good but make sure your desires are reasonable.
4. Spend five minutes in the morning and evening making a plan to achieve your goals. Small goals lead to bigger goals.
5. Pray and keep your eyes on the prize
6. Don’t be angry at family, spouse or friends if they don’t believe in your vision.
7. Don’t be surprised that the people you start out with won’t be the people you end with
8. Surrounded yourself with people who are talking about, reading about, excited about and encourage you about your goals
9. It is important to work on your goals daily. Step by step.
   1O. Your stronger and better than you think.

Photo by Jill Wellington on Pexels.com

DO YOU FEAR DATING?

Dear Readers

I had a student who told me that if she held onto the pain that her sons father caused her, she would never be open to true love and happiness.

Fear hiders me for being open to authentic love. I’ve spent many years being abused, emotionally beaten down, playing the role of the side chic and didn’t know I was being played. Always feeling that I am not enough.. lve played the role of girlfriend doing wifely duties. I am burned out, confused and have truth issues. Recently, I was asked to go a really nice Cafe for a coffee date, I wanted to say yes, but I said no. I am approaching 60, and never visioned being alone.

Thank you for stopping by Dragthepen

Photo by David Gomes on Pexels.com

Almost to the Finish Line

Photo by Krivec Ales on Pexels.com

Dear Readers. 

I fell off the face of the Earth. That is the only way I can explain my absence from blogging, making YouTube videos, podcasting, and working on my manuscripts. I am calling this period of my life (Jan 2022- present) a temporary disappearing act. I caution you to be careful what you wish for because when you receive it there will be   Life Changing events beyond your control, let me explain.

 I have made three attempts to complete a master’s in education. The first two attempts I would reach a certain point in the program and life circumstances intervened and I had to leave the program. At the age of sixty this is my third attempt; I am two courses from accomplishing a lifetime goal. This time has not been the exciting experience that I thought that it was going to be. 

Before starting this journey of my vision to obtain a masters, I was promoting my Brand Conversations with J R Floyd. And developing my YouTube channel, podcast, blogging, in addition to self-publishing for books. I was on an artistic roll. I had plans in motion to produce a stage play. How naive of me to think that during the journey of acquiring a master’s degree that I was going to continue to enjoy my artistic life. 

During this time, I found a full-time job that helped me to earn a higher income, consistent workdays, and free weekends. At this point you might be thinking sounds good, well not so good. Working full time 5 days a week in the field of Social Work is draining. Not to mention I am enrolled in a full on-line program and the workload is heavy. Some days I feel like I cannot breathe. I no longer have the brain power to blog or post podcasts or create YouTube videos. I tried and could not fit my need to create a package school schedule. I felt defeated because I had to let something go. And that is how I fall off the face of the Earth. 

From time to time, I sneak in a moment to stay in touch with my readers and drop some life tips. 

1. Don’t believe the myth that sleep is overrated. Sleep when you need and for as long as you can.

2. When chasing a dream there will be sacrifices and mixed emotions.

3. The people who start out believing in you will not be the same people standing with you when you achieve your goal.

4. Don’t be angry at the people who do not see your vision the way you do. 

5. Take whatever act of kindness you receive and do not ever, ever, ever Give up.

Thank you for stopping by Dragthepen

Quality Time

Dear Readers

Question? When you have an opportunity for downtime, how will you spend this time ⌚? Here’s what I did with 4 days of downtime.

1. I organized and declutter my apartment. Getting rid of clutter is good for mental health.
2. I planned a two day menu and cooked while enjoying music from the 80 & 90s.
3. I played with my dog Peanut.
4. I relaxed on the sofa enjoying tea and naps.
5. I took long walks with my dog while sipping coffee ☕.
6. I detached from soical media and watched funny movies.
7. I spent time in silence.
8. I journaled and read the Bible.
9. .I spent time expressing gratitude for a blessed life
11. 
    My 4 days of down time ends today 10/9/2023. I have a stay-at-home vacation coming up soon. Planning two days of self care, planning my Thanksgiving menu. I will have 4 days of downtime, I plan to remain home on Thanksgiving, quite, enjoying naps and tea, playing with Peanut.

What will you do when you have a few days of downtime?

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen.

I am cheering 📣 for you

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Dear Readers

I was watching an interview with Sarah Jakes Roberts, the interviewer asked Sarah, how she finds the time to be a wife, mother, Pastor and writer? Sarah’s answer is priceless, she said that “her husband helps to created the space for her to grow and be creative.” Ladies and gentlemen here is something to ponder. if your in a marriage where your visions or goals is not nurtured and your pulled down more than uplifted for not being satisfied with the status quo of life and you desire change. One partner is excited about setting new goals and trying something new. Whereas, the other partner is afraid that implementing the plan to accomplish these new goals may take time and money away from them. Especially, if it the women in the relationship is the one who desire change. Regardless, of the reasons your partner should be supportive and your best cheerleader even if he/she doesn’t understand your vision. The lack of understanding and willingness to at least attempt to support your partners vision will create bitterness and resentment in the relationship. When people say, ” they have out grown their partner” think about what this means in terms of how relationships die because one partners desire to bring to a dream into reality. When partners help to create a loving and supportive environment for the achievement of mental, physical, emotional, creative, and financial goals the results is that the relationship becomes stronger and the bond of love and respect deepens.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen